India- november 26, 2008- Varanasi....the end to the beginning....

Namaste everyone....

thats a little hello....India styles....

I have different ideas about how i'd like to send you this email... and i want to talk to you about Varanasi... where i've been for the past 8 or so days.... but i want to explain it to you in the framework that i feel i've been experiencing everything... with all of my senses...

I will start with what i've been seeing...but i know i'll get side-tracked....because i may be highly conscious with one thought at one moment, and then all of a sudden, im feeling and sensing something completely different the next second....that's how India is to me...and that is how time is as well.....time is a bit warped, and so is reality, and my sensory reaction to all of it...it being everything....

Varanasi....whoooo.....deep breath on that one... sleeping in a families home with extra rooms....dude Hugo beside our room is from france and has been playing Tablas (amazing Indian drums that make noises no other drums can make....like animal sounds and streaming water....) for hours every day since we've gotten here, when we walked into the room the first day, with just sleeping mats on the floor, and then we stepped outside and i saw Hugo with the Tablas, i knew it was where i needed to be...

The ghats line the river Ganga, the goddess river, the river of Shiva, the main god, the creator, and the destroyer... ghats are like sets of steps and platforms in which to access the ganga... the Ganga is the lifeline of India it seems, it starts in the Himalayas, and trickles it's way down to Varanasi.....it is the holy river, it is life.... it washes them, it gives them water, it gives them forgiveness, and hope, and god....it gives them life, it gives them their final death, it is what so many people make their most spiritual treks to in their entire lifetimes....and i am so lucky to get to be a part of it...

today i walked the entire length of the ghats....i have been staying in Assi ghat, the final ghat....and i walked to the beginning today, to Veranu...where the Varuna River joins the lifeline of water..... I saw all the Ghats, i saw so many different everythings....oh my gosh, another big breath there..... i saw Manikarnika Ghat, the ghat where they burn bodies....when they die, their bodies get dipped in the Ganga, to purify them, and to be blessed by the goddess, and to free them of their afterlife.... and they are wrapped in cotton and set on bamboo carriers, they are decorated with sparkling fabrics and incense and sweets and offerings... wood has been weighed out for them to be burned in/on, some wood more expensive then others, like sandalwood....they place the body on the wood, adorn the body with the fabrics....a man then comes, touches the feet of the dead man, with respect... they lit some bundled hay-looking-strands on fire, and walked around the body and let the smoke wash over the body....then they place it under the body, and slowly slowly....the wood starts to burn, and so does the body....all the while they are putting incense and offerings into the fire..... the head slowly becomes blackened....eventually it all turns to ashes..... and then those ashes go back to the creator, to Shiva, to the Ganga...

this is the end of life that people in India come to Varanasi for....to die, and to go back to where they came from.... today i started at the end....and went to the beginning....Assi to Varuna.....another deep breath there.....so much here...

ive been doing yoga, i did yoga 5 days in a row here, with 2 different teachers, the one closeby is at a temple, practiced outside in the wind....and eventually bright sun...it starts shortly after the day starts, i guess around 7...and by the end the sun is bright...i have learned many new bits....and am so thankful i have come across this...

amy and i have been introduced and shown many things by these 2 brothers who own a shop here... they told me about this yogi man, he doesn't advertise...you find your way to him....

one day Papu (the brother i hang out with more) took me via motorcycle (first time!!) to the university here, the biggest university in Asia, and 3rd biggest in the world apparently... Banaras Hindu Universiy... the grounds are so beautiful... we went to the temple first, and then to the museum which was awesome! the highlights for me were firstly the art... i am trying really hard to get my mind around understanding Hinduism and all of it's gods and mythical stories and beliefs... and seeing the art, and it's different images of women and gods and themes jumping out of all of it at least gave me more to work with...

i'll write more when i know more... but it is huge, and so beyond me... so i'll leave that till sometime... and then we saw sculptures and coins and weaponry and historical displays... so much stuff, and so enjoyable....not what i always do- museums... but so wonderful... my most inspiratonal phrase came to me this day, and it is what is guiding me and comforting me in this overwhelmingly mind and existence opening time right now in my life...

You must follow that which leads you...

wheeeeww.....really needing to breathe... it is also what helps me to go through all of this...

i met a little boy... Suria... the sun... he made me laugh the most yesterday....the most i've laughed since being here... a lovely little boy... he was with us all day... like a little protector... he took us to his home later on after we went to Puja (respect- the ceremony at the end of the day that takes place at many ghats... with prayers and singing and many bells and sometimes instruments... smoke and the beloved conch shell... and flowers, and glowing candles paying respect to the goddess and your family and wishes floating along down the Ganga... placing faith that the Goddess Ganga will listen and help)... and we met his whole family 3 sisters and mother and father and 3 cows....they gave us Bindhis (the beautiful 3rd eye jewels) and a red line symbolic of paying puja or going to temple, and a bracelet of red string around our wrists...which i have yet to find out exactly what it means... but am thankful to have received.... and they gave us tea and when they asked about my mom, and i said she was dead, they said that suria's mom would be my new mother, and now Suria and his sisters are my brothers and sisters too... so lovely these human beings... and there are so many like them... there have been so many moments like this... so many welcomings and love offerings from these kind souls, that i cannot even start listing them... because it would go on and on... older ladies who just hold on to your hand and smile and laugh at you... even though you both have no idea what you're saying to eachother... children who just smile at you and hold your hands and touch you...

they call me Tokali, just like Pelona in spanish... bald lady... hilarious... everywhere around the world... i learn the language of bald... that is another topic altogether... i am excited for the south, many women shave their heads there, it will be so interesting for me to be in that culture...

i'm not sure what is happening next....changes will happen soon, there are ideas...

but i am going to go... time for Puja... I went one morning...it was still dark, but i felt like i had to go to the Ganga, i guess she was calling me... the ceremony wasn't even set up yet, it must have been 4 am... i sat and waited and watched the women and men go to the ganga and pray and cleanse... it was so cold, i was wearing my hat and sweater... and they were performing one of their most important rituals of their life... how lucky i am to be here...

and so it is time again...

i would love to talk to you about all of my woman ideas... so many thoughts surrounding woman and modesty and dress and beauty and oppression and women's roles here...

and i would love to talk to you about the animals... the sad state the dogs are in, their fierceness... the enormous cows and buffaloes that roam the Ganga and roads everywhere... the goats sometimes dressed in clothing that talk and jump and run... the monkeys that i saw today that were captive, and bullied... the 7 puppies by the ganga today that were scared of me... why?... i would love to talk to you about the dirtiness of everything, with the beautiful cleansing rituals that are equally prominent here... all of these things....so many opposites... so much yin and yang... so connected, so different... the cyclical rituals that are the basis of life here... the balance in the ridiculously imbalance of it all...

the sound of the conch shell that captures your breath as it helps you breathe...

wheeeew... deep breath...

i've been wishing for all of you, and everything real in life with the ringing of bells entering temples, and the throwing of flowers and lighting of candles into the Ganga... ill wish for more goodness tonight...

with love....Namaste...

sunni