Why is it so difficult to find a room to rent in Toronto? For all of you comfortably inhabiting a home and thus are not up-to-date with the present housing-search situation, let me enlighten you! The procedures one must endure to find a room are not so simple. There are documents needed, appointments scheduled, references expected and specific personality traits required. There is a lovely little website called 'Craigslist' where people with rooms available (and a plethora of other categories they wish to find connections with) will post between 200 and 300 ads daily describing their home’s ‘vibe’ and bits and pieces that they are looking for in a tenant. If captivated, you e-mail them back expressing whatever you need to express. Hopefully they respond, and you schedule a meeting and viewing, but maybe they are just not into you from the get-go… I’m sorry!
On arrival, you are not-so-pleasantly surprised to find numerous other people in the same home at the same time looking at the same room, all with the 'same-same-but-different' vibe that you have. All of a sudden you realize that even with your lovely kind personality and honest ways, even YOU are interchangeable, replaceable, and disposable; just as all ‘things’ are in this consumerist-oriented society! Reality is, if you make one understandably nervous remark, or if you have a socially- labeled 'flaw', such as being on welfare/social assistance, or unemployed, there are 3 more people behind/beside/in front of you... and they can easily be the one to 'fill the room'.
Since I happen to be a woman with a beautiful heart, an eccentrically earthy style, a naturally bald head, and also in a monetarily disadvantaged state- certain stereotypes are invited to form regarding my ‘character’. These traits dictate social values on a macro social- scale; and in this micro home environment, they are seemingly amplified. Friends suggest I tone it down, take off my various adornments so I ‘don’t intimidate them!’ I wonder, should I actually lower my standards, demand and expect less, maybe conform more to fit in; so I don’t disturb, and scare those fragile and sensitive 'normal' tenant seekers? You know, I could attempt to do that, but let’s be honest here, I have a really hard time turning on the ‘normal’ switch, and I do not agree with these restrictive ideals humans are judged on. Plus, simply and truly, I want to be me, as I am, in my home!
I want to live in an environment that fulfills this deepest definition of a 'home', where the heart is, right? A place where people talk and cook together, share in and CARE about each other. This could be the new beginning, my new habitat; so I let my mind and feelings wander exploring the goodness and possibilities of this new potential home and family-mates, so when it happens that- SHUT DOWN - you are rejected… it hurts your heart. So what to do then… I need to sleep! Throughout this lovely grey day, many more ads will be posted. So for now, I go back to my friends, who will house me regardless of my life situation, and who look into my being, into my heart, and know that ‘normalcy’ is all an illusion anyways… and who wants to live with that?
Friday, October 30, 2009
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Hair-Raising, organically…
In an insightful documentary 'Good Hair', Chris Rock hair-raises about Black Women’s complex hair obsessions. Women of all cultures and backgrounds share similar rituals using much energy, money, chemicals, time…actually, life. I would like to expand our shared consciousness in understanding hair norms, making room for the natural exceptions. Shortly after my mother died as a young child, all my hair fell out. The medical profession likes to label this marvel as Alopecia; I label it as me, a naturally bald diva! It regrew once for a few years, then fell out again. I have felt the pressure to conform, had my heart and feelings hurt; been stereotyped, and segregated. I have lived through significant life stages without hair, thus hair is fundamental in shaping me to be the open conscious being I am today. We humans are comforted by what we recognize as normal; anything that differs evokes curiosity, intimidation and often fears. My mysteriously uncategorize-able head-style is just as natural as the hair that grows beautifully on most human beings’ heads, or doesn’t… simple.
The pressure to conform to ‘white standards’ adds to the already huge list of struggles that darker-than-white human beings live with, standards that are by no means innate, but set by fashion and ‘beauty’ industries to follow, believe; absorb and adopt. There is an entire multi-billion industry thriving, capitalizing on and benefiting from the exploitative situation women live through in attempt to reach these unreachable and ever-changing ideals. We need to recognize that we allow and choose to let these ‘normalized’ standards direct the way we approach each other and ourselves. Reality is, in India, poor and wealthy women alike humbly offer their hair, their most ‘prized possession’ to gods in complete faith and egoless-ness. This same hair is sold for sums of money inconceivable to the average rural Indian, and weaved right into the roots of women’s hair on the other side of the world. How unnatural (and sad!) that that Diva believes she is more beautiful with her hair harshly- chemically ‘relaxed’, or with spiritually-infused hair weaved into her own head; though the symbolism of this intimate connection is beautiful! What earth’s women do share is the bizarre reality that hair is treasured as ‘beauty’, which in this world also comes with a value.
This movie ‘exposes’ the secrets behind Black Women’s beauty, leaving them in a vulnerable position for all to see and judge. I remember when I was losing my hair for the second time, my white scalp was exposed by the rain water weighing down my carefully constructed, bald-spot covering hair-style. I felt like I had to hide; everyone would see the truth! Black Women with ‘altered’ hair run from this same rain with the same fear of being exposed. Now that Chris Rock has publicly exposed these realities, this can be a chance to break free of these physically-altering, restrictive rituals that are costly, extremely ‘high-maintenance’, and destructive to our beings, and planet, on a much deeper than scalp, skin and surface level. What is truly normal and beautiful is that which occurs naturally; varying just like the exquisite diversity of humanity does. My solution is to flow with and simply surrender to what we naturally are… no restrictions, standards, or expectations… just us, beautiful… naturally. I do.
The pressure to conform to ‘white standards’ adds to the already huge list of struggles that darker-than-white human beings live with, standards that are by no means innate, but set by fashion and ‘beauty’ industries to follow, believe; absorb and adopt. There is an entire multi-billion industry thriving, capitalizing on and benefiting from the exploitative situation women live through in attempt to reach these unreachable and ever-changing ideals. We need to recognize that we allow and choose to let these ‘normalized’ standards direct the way we approach each other and ourselves. Reality is, in India, poor and wealthy women alike humbly offer their hair, their most ‘prized possession’ to gods in complete faith and egoless-ness. This same hair is sold for sums of money inconceivable to the average rural Indian, and weaved right into the roots of women’s hair on the other side of the world. How unnatural (and sad!) that that Diva believes she is more beautiful with her hair harshly- chemically ‘relaxed’, or with spiritually-infused hair weaved into her own head; though the symbolism of this intimate connection is beautiful! What earth’s women do share is the bizarre reality that hair is treasured as ‘beauty’, which in this world also comes with a value.
This movie ‘exposes’ the secrets behind Black Women’s beauty, leaving them in a vulnerable position for all to see and judge. I remember when I was losing my hair for the second time, my white scalp was exposed by the rain water weighing down my carefully constructed, bald-spot covering hair-style. I felt like I had to hide; everyone would see the truth! Black Women with ‘altered’ hair run from this same rain with the same fear of being exposed. Now that Chris Rock has publicly exposed these realities, this can be a chance to break free of these physically-altering, restrictive rituals that are costly, extremely ‘high-maintenance’, and destructive to our beings, and planet, on a much deeper than scalp, skin and surface level. What is truly normal and beautiful is that which occurs naturally; varying just like the exquisite diversity of humanity does. My solution is to flow with and simply surrender to what we naturally are… no restrictions, standards, or expectations… just us, beautiful… naturally. I do.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
children...
people i love to hang out with SO much are the young kids... the babies, but young kids who can express their feeligs out loud... their logic, their perspectives on life.... their simplicity....
their philosophies, concepts, perspectives.... on everything.... and on nothing...
you can talk complete 'jibberish' with them.... use your imagination....play with their imaginations.... be creative.... and see the world from that perspective.... simplicity... beauty, laughter...play.....
they express their loves, their lives...their truth and honesty and genuine selves all the time... they haven't learned yet how to mask those things...
how to control them...
what to know, what to label, what to classify, to quantify.....
and so they just are....
their beautiful selves....
there are many people i find that are so often discriminated against.... and these things in which they are scrutinized for, are really their most beautiful features... as whatever that feature is....is the part that becomes their strongest.... they are sensitive to what goes deeper as it is highlighted all the time....
children say those things quite simply, with no underlying feelings or thoughts.... they 'state the obvious'....
doesn't it only make sense to 'state the obvious'..... because people are taught to not always do that....
watch yourself..... when are you not being completely honest..... to other people.... to yourself.....
and real....
and just being comfortable in the real...
its nice to be you, and see everyone as everyone.... as they are....
and to be honest....everyone is so beautiful, as they are all a bit different, but completely the same all at the same time....
and i think we need to see others like this, with this philosophy....
so pay attention to those beautiful babies.....
they have a lot to teach us...
and we have be careful with how and what we teach them....
right now they love you if you love them....
their philosophies, concepts, perspectives.... on everything.... and on nothing...
you can talk complete 'jibberish' with them.... use your imagination....play with their imaginations.... be creative.... and see the world from that perspective.... simplicity... beauty, laughter...play.....
they express their loves, their lives...their truth and honesty and genuine selves all the time... they haven't learned yet how to mask those things...
how to control them...
what to know, what to label, what to classify, to quantify.....
and so they just are....
their beautiful selves....
there are many people i find that are so often discriminated against.... and these things in which they are scrutinized for, are really their most beautiful features... as whatever that feature is....is the part that becomes their strongest.... they are sensitive to what goes deeper as it is highlighted all the time....
children say those things quite simply, with no underlying feelings or thoughts.... they 'state the obvious'....
doesn't it only make sense to 'state the obvious'..... because people are taught to not always do that....
watch yourself..... when are you not being completely honest..... to other people.... to yourself.....
and real....
and just being comfortable in the real...
its nice to be you, and see everyone as everyone.... as they are....
and to be honest....everyone is so beautiful, as they are all a bit different, but completely the same all at the same time....
and i think we need to see others like this, with this philosophy....
so pay attention to those beautiful babies.....
they have a lot to teach us...
and we have be careful with how and what we teach them....
right now they love you if you love them....
India Adventure- August 2, 2009 - I am in Valencia, Spain...playing...
hello everyone...
i have to finish all that happened when i was in India,...
i know!!
but for now, im short forming it.... i am in spain, in valencia...
after leaving india, june 29, i went to london for a day, went to the buckingham palace, ha ha, saw the changing of the guards, and i saw the westminister abbey.... i just walked around all day, in such a COMPLETELY different world then what i was completely immersed in (and am SO thankful for) for 7.5 months.... then i headed to the airport to sleep, as the next morning i had a flight to Italy, to Milan... and then would head over, find my way to Rototam, the best ever festival.... most amazing festival i have ever experienced..... i arrived july 1- the day before it began.....
i was coming with no tent, fresh off the plane from india, henna-d up, READY FOR REGGAE!!! and let me tell you... it was amazing... i would love to go into the details, but i will say that out of 11 nights of sleep there, i danced right through 6 of them until sunrise the next morning.... and i ended up on stage with one of my favourite artists, the one i once sent many of you a link to.... michael franti.... an amazing human being.... rototom was so so so amazing.... my family there were from spain...i met these lovely human beings on the train-venture towards the festival, and i ended up sleeping under their tent and shelter and in it the whole time.... with crazy rain storms and all.... it was a team effort, and they made me feel so at home.... at those rare times when i was there.... often i came back to crash.... ha ha...
afterwords, i went with some lovely lovely friends from madrid, lucia and ana.... we hitch-hiked to venezia where we walked around, and slept in some little plant filled street....
afterwords, i took a train all the way down to sicily... and to be honest i hardly saw it, but i ended up meeting an older palestinian man, and he introduced me to his neighbours who were 3 young sicilian lovely guys, whom i stayed with for a couple days! they cooked me sicilian pasta and rice.... we hung out.... i needed to recover from rototam, and they became my family for a few days.... then i went up to pescara, on the sea, and i hung out with a friend from Tanzania i met at rototam, i slept in a tent beside the ocean for a few days.... it was lovely to just relax on the beach.... drink a lot of coffee...well cappucinos.... amazing....
then i hitch-hiked all the way to rome, with so much lovely assistance from human beings..... there are many faces, and many names i cannot remember who helped me along this way, with directions, or food, or driving.... i caught the longest ride with angelo.... a 60 year old man from roma, he had a big motor on his truck to deliver... and he picked me up, and then took me out after for the BEST spaghetti, and steak (weird, i am eating meat again.... when in rome, do as the romans do ya know??).. . and amazing wine and sparkling water, which i love.... and tiramisu and then cafe... wow..... amazing meal.... clearly, every bit was amazing...
but after the wine... well..... angelo became a bit bizarre, so he took me to the train station, and i slept there on the floor for the night..... and then i did the next night also..... it was fairly safe on the main floor, as there are people cleaning and stuff all night, but there was a moment the first night when i awoke to a fairly stinky man lying almost nooked into my body, ha ha.... i lost the desire pretty quickly to sleep at that point.... so i had a nap the next day in a beautiful garden as i wandered rome...
while there i saw the colloseum, the pantheon, the popes 'hangouts'....st pietros cathedral, and the vatican... i wandered and saw all the sites, and the plazas and ate amazing gelatos, and just existed in shnazzy rome, while i was sleeping in the train station... it was actually so great my whole situation in italy..... i did not pay to sleep the whole time.... and for much of it i hitchiked or was graced with friendly human beings along the way.....
then i left rome.... i was almost late for my flight, for no logical reason at all, in fact i stopped for a coffee at the airport, and this pushed the timing a bit more... so much so that my bag was not put on the flight, and when i arrived in spain, i had to wait 2 days for my bag.... and they took my beloved swiss army knife.....
but, i arrived in barcelona, spain that same night, obviously slept in the airport..... woke up the next morning, and found a train ticket to go to valencia... borrowed a flamenco- dancing-woman's phone to call claire and say.... ím on my way....
when i got off the train, claire was there waiting, along with mo.... a lovely man from mali i met a few years ago when i came to visit claire here in Valencia, and have a lot of love for... and maybe a future with too... eeeek.... i met claire many years ago when i was away on university exchange in Adelaide, Australia....it is her roots, and i respected her right from the beginning....and now she is married to a man from Argentina, Flavio- he is a capoeira master, and a funny random man, and together, the two of them are a lovely duo of humanity.... conscious, caring, logical, and free-spirited... all at the same time...so much respect!
so that brings me to almost now.... now, its been a just under 2 weeks that i have been here.... going to the beach almost every day.... claires house is like 5 minutes away, and her house they have squatted, meaning they do not pay rent, but it is a lovely home.... and i even have my own room while i am here.... which is lovely... spending lots of time with mo... meeting many friends and seeing capoeira.... and sometimes just chillin, contemplating options for the future.....
and i have the intention to leave here, early september, to come home, pee my pants in excitement to be home and see all my family and kensingon drum community... EEEEK.... then clean myself up, get myself in order, and GET A JOB!!!! this is really important, im maxed out.... so honestly.... i am putting the call out to anyone who can help me!! i have a university degree in sociology and womens studies, and i would love to work in some sort of community/social/activist organization maybe with recent immigrant human beings, women.... empowering, organizing, moving lives forward.... this is the more grand wish, but even intially upon arrival in canada, i could also work in a restaurant or something on a smaller, less professional scale.... SO, if anything comes up, please think of me, and pass on my contact into, or pass it on to me.... by mid-september i will be back in toronto!!!!
and i am so happy to see all of your very very lovely faces!!!!!!!!!!!! and also will be a bit in shock to realize that this trip has come full circle... and i am returning to my roots again..... i feel it now... but with such difference, and with such different outlooks and possibilities for the future.. but eager to use all this energy again for the betterment of others... i believe in this, so i move towards this....
in the meantime, i have started to blog it.... yep, people told me of this, and well, i am a bit slow with technology, but i am in!! i have posted some of my beginning India e-mails, and a couple recent wrtiings from recent times.... and i will put more bits and pieces there as well... feel free to spread the consciousness around.... through my writing, and even moreso with your own voices and hearts and lives.... http://mycuriosityofbalanceindifference.blogspot.com/
i love you!!!!!
love sunni lady
p.s. the 2 pics...one was recently sent to me from my trek to the himalayas with my burmese monk friends, and my canadian brother wade.... the second is from the train en route to rototam reggae festival!!!!!!
i have to finish all that happened when i was in India,...
i know!!
but for now, im short forming it.... i am in spain, in valencia...
after leaving india, june 29, i went to london for a day, went to the buckingham palace, ha ha, saw the changing of the guards, and i saw the westminister abbey.... i just walked around all day, in such a COMPLETELY different world then what i was completely immersed in (and am SO thankful for) for 7.5 months.... then i headed to the airport to sleep, as the next morning i had a flight to Italy, to Milan... and then would head over, find my way to Rototam, the best ever festival.... most amazing festival i have ever experienced..... i arrived july 1- the day before it began.....
i was coming with no tent, fresh off the plane from india, henna-d up, READY FOR REGGAE!!! and let me tell you... it was amazing... i would love to go into the details, but i will say that out of 11 nights of sleep there, i danced right through 6 of them until sunrise the next morning.... and i ended up on stage with one of my favourite artists, the one i once sent many of you a link to.... michael franti.... an amazing human being.... rototom was so so so amazing.... my family there were from spain...i met these lovely human beings on the train-venture towards the festival, and i ended up sleeping under their tent and shelter and in it the whole time.... with crazy rain storms and all.... it was a team effort, and they made me feel so at home.... at those rare times when i was there.... often i came back to crash.... ha ha...
afterwords, i went with some lovely lovely friends from madrid, lucia and ana.... we hitch-hiked to venezia where we walked around, and slept in some little plant filled street....
afterwords, i took a train all the way down to sicily... and to be honest i hardly saw it, but i ended up meeting an older palestinian man, and he introduced me to his neighbours who were 3 young sicilian lovely guys, whom i stayed with for a couple days! they cooked me sicilian pasta and rice.... we hung out.... i needed to recover from rototam, and they became my family for a few days.... then i went up to pescara, on the sea, and i hung out with a friend from Tanzania i met at rototam, i slept in a tent beside the ocean for a few days.... it was lovely to just relax on the beach.... drink a lot of coffee...well cappucinos.... amazing....
then i hitch-hiked all the way to rome, with so much lovely assistance from human beings..... there are many faces, and many names i cannot remember who helped me along this way, with directions, or food, or driving.... i caught the longest ride with angelo.... a 60 year old man from roma, he had a big motor on his truck to deliver... and he picked me up, and then took me out after for the BEST spaghetti, and steak (weird, i am eating meat again.... when in rome, do as the romans do ya know??).. . and amazing wine and sparkling water, which i love.... and tiramisu and then cafe... wow..... amazing meal.... clearly, every bit was amazing...
but after the wine... well..... angelo became a bit bizarre, so he took me to the train station, and i slept there on the floor for the night..... and then i did the next night also..... it was fairly safe on the main floor, as there are people cleaning and stuff all night, but there was a moment the first night when i awoke to a fairly stinky man lying almost nooked into my body, ha ha.... i lost the desire pretty quickly to sleep at that point.... so i had a nap the next day in a beautiful garden as i wandered rome...
while there i saw the colloseum, the pantheon, the popes 'hangouts'....st pietros cathedral, and the vatican... i wandered and saw all the sites, and the plazas and ate amazing gelatos, and just existed in shnazzy rome, while i was sleeping in the train station... it was actually so great my whole situation in italy..... i did not pay to sleep the whole time.... and for much of it i hitchiked or was graced with friendly human beings along the way.....
then i left rome.... i was almost late for my flight, for no logical reason at all, in fact i stopped for a coffee at the airport, and this pushed the timing a bit more... so much so that my bag was not put on the flight, and when i arrived in spain, i had to wait 2 days for my bag.... and they took my beloved swiss army knife.....
but, i arrived in barcelona, spain that same night, obviously slept in the airport..... woke up the next morning, and found a train ticket to go to valencia... borrowed a flamenco- dancing-woman's phone to call claire and say.... ím on my way....
when i got off the train, claire was there waiting, along with mo.... a lovely man from mali i met a few years ago when i came to visit claire here in Valencia, and have a lot of love for... and maybe a future with too... eeeek.... i met claire many years ago when i was away on university exchange in Adelaide, Australia....it is her roots, and i respected her right from the beginning....and now she is married to a man from Argentina, Flavio- he is a capoeira master, and a funny random man, and together, the two of them are a lovely duo of humanity.... conscious, caring, logical, and free-spirited... all at the same time...so much respect!
so that brings me to almost now.... now, its been a just under 2 weeks that i have been here.... going to the beach almost every day.... claires house is like 5 minutes away, and her house they have squatted, meaning they do not pay rent, but it is a lovely home.... and i even have my own room while i am here.... which is lovely... spending lots of time with mo... meeting many friends and seeing capoeira.... and sometimes just chillin, contemplating options for the future.....
and i have the intention to leave here, early september, to come home, pee my pants in excitement to be home and see all my family and kensingon drum community... EEEEK.... then clean myself up, get myself in order, and GET A JOB!!!! this is really important, im maxed out.... so honestly.... i am putting the call out to anyone who can help me!! i have a university degree in sociology and womens studies, and i would love to work in some sort of community/social/activist organization maybe with recent immigrant human beings, women.... empowering, organizing, moving lives forward.... this is the more grand wish, but even intially upon arrival in canada, i could also work in a restaurant or something on a smaller, less professional scale.... SO, if anything comes up, please think of me, and pass on my contact into, or pass it on to me.... by mid-september i will be back in toronto!!!!
and i am so happy to see all of your very very lovely faces!!!!!!!!!!!! and also will be a bit in shock to realize that this trip has come full circle... and i am returning to my roots again..... i feel it now... but with such difference, and with such different outlooks and possibilities for the future.. but eager to use all this energy again for the betterment of others... i believe in this, so i move towards this....
in the meantime, i have started to blog it.... yep, people told me of this, and well, i am a bit slow with technology, but i am in!! i have posted some of my beginning India e-mails, and a couple recent wrtiings from recent times.... and i will put more bits and pieces there as well... feel free to spread the consciousness around.... through my writing, and even moreso with your own voices and hearts and lives.... http://mycuriosityofbalanceindifference.blogspot.com/
i love you!!!!!
love sunni lady
p.s. the 2 pics...one was recently sent to me from my trek to the himalayas with my burmese monk friends, and my canadian brother wade.... the second is from the train en route to rototam reggae festival!!!!!!
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