enclosed in ME is many of the 'yuckier' emotions, these days, too much frustration/sadness/anger/grief... but i will write less of those...
when i looked back over my recent blog posts, (which are definitely rare these years!) there's just too much of those 'yuckier' feelings expressed in my writing.
i mean, writing about them, expressing them, letting them OUT is actually really good and healthy, so me writing about them is actually fulfilling a healthy purpose.... working on them, releasing them...
but i realize it is also a fine line... between RELEASING them, and just adding more fuel to their fire.... just building them up... enabling them.... GROWING them.
repeatedly talking about SHITTY things/parts of my life/this world..and repeateedly dwelling on them... it just, keeps me in that headspace...
i KNOW, because i have LEARNED... (and although i a DEEPLY out of practice, i have not yet UNLEARNED)... that we ALL have to consciously choose how to LIVE and APPROACH it all... LIFE... in this lifetime.
it is up to each of us to CHOOSE to make better healthier MORE POSITIVE choices.
so when i get together with my great humyns i call FRIENDS, and i come home and relaize, WOW, i just spent that WHOLE session, VENTING... it doesn't feel good in me.
YES, i need to release, i need to be heard about the challenges i AM truly experiencing right now... that's all true...
but its too much... it's too much NOT being happy, it's too much NOT working to BE a better happier more positive belief-full person.
i worked hard to BE that, for a lot of years actually.
and i need ot be able to see THAT as an achievement.
i chose to take my single one-week vacation a summeritme not long ago... at a meditation retreat, under the guidance and direction of a true good humyn buddhist teacher... thich nhat hanh.
i chose that, because, i wanted to adopt more of his beliefs into my own life.
i wanted more of his important teachings to be absorbed into my WHOLE being, that much deeper.
it's amazing how malleable humyns are... how shifts in life (especially big shifts like partnerships and children) can continue re-shaping us.... back to places that we thought or attempted to re-train... to learn differently...
i worked hard to become a more happy and positive person... because i do actually believe that it makes SO much more sense.
i want to be living in a way that makes me happy. that is full of meaning and depth and gratitiude and satisfaction... AND JOY.
i miss joy <3 p="">
i have so many moments of joy... but so many moments LACKING in joy now....
without giving the details... i just want to write here... a reminder to myself. (to be shared with anyone who reads this!)... that I KNOW... i have LEARNED in this lifetime... that where ENERGY goes, ENERGY flows... the more atttention i put towards the yucky things... the more those yucky things are present....
the more energy i put into GOODNESS.... being patient, and courageous... to CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY, to choose JOY....more energy will flow into that.
it is up to us to choose which glasses/frames/lens we choose to put on to wear in this world.
i want my glasses to be CLEAR, and playful and happy... i want them to see the world as the SHITSHOW it seems to be heading in...(sorry!)... and so i want to see it/live it... in a good true way... that encompasses the sad/angry/lethargic qualities it brings out in me... INTERTWINED with my positive belief in ritual and gratitude and good positive company and interactions... with fellow compassionate understanding caring humyns....
wouldn't it be great if i could finally live again where all my prayers are LESS about myself, and MORE about the betterment of others again?
i wish/pray for me to be spending LESS energy in the not-so-far future about my hardships in life right now... and instead with good buddhist philosophies that encourage us to live to serve the betterment of others... and preserving/protecting nurturing the earth...
may i REMEMBER how to live again, so that my kids and i together can be living rooted in the philosophy to SERVE for the betterment of others and PACHAMAMA...sincerely <3 p="">
(p.s. where this positive re-memberance has been ignited is... today my kids and i shared a campfire with a very special friend family of ours. it was actually their FIRST lived experience of BEING with a fire.
to be with fire, and nature is true healing...)
when i looked back over my recent blog posts, (which are definitely rare these years!) there's just too much of those 'yuckier' feelings expressed in my writing.
i mean, writing about them, expressing them, letting them OUT is actually really good and healthy, so me writing about them is actually fulfilling a healthy purpose.... working on them, releasing them...
but i realize it is also a fine line... between RELEASING them, and just adding more fuel to their fire.... just building them up... enabling them.... GROWING them.
repeatedly talking about SHITTY things/parts of my life/this world..and repeateedly dwelling on them... it just, keeps me in that headspace...
i KNOW, because i have LEARNED... (and although i a DEEPLY out of practice, i have not yet UNLEARNED)... that we ALL have to consciously choose how to LIVE and APPROACH it all... LIFE... in this lifetime.
it is up to each of us to CHOOSE to make better healthier MORE POSITIVE choices.
so when i get together with my great humyns i call FRIENDS, and i come home and relaize, WOW, i just spent that WHOLE session, VENTING... it doesn't feel good in me.
YES, i need to release, i need to be heard about the challenges i AM truly experiencing right now... that's all true...
but its too much... it's too much NOT being happy, it's too much NOT working to BE a better happier more positive belief-full person.
i worked hard to BE that, for a lot of years actually.
and i need ot be able to see THAT as an achievement.
i chose to take my single one-week vacation a summeritme not long ago... at a meditation retreat, under the guidance and direction of a true good humyn buddhist teacher... thich nhat hanh.
i chose that, because, i wanted to adopt more of his beliefs into my own life.
i wanted more of his important teachings to be absorbed into my WHOLE being, that much deeper.
it's amazing how malleable humyns are... how shifts in life (especially big shifts like partnerships and children) can continue re-shaping us.... back to places that we thought or attempted to re-train... to learn differently...
i worked hard to become a more happy and positive person... because i do actually believe that it makes SO much more sense.
i want to be living in a way that makes me happy. that is full of meaning and depth and gratitiude and satisfaction... AND JOY.
i miss joy <3 p="">
i have so many moments of joy... but so many moments LACKING in joy now....
without giving the details... i just want to write here... a reminder to myself. (to be shared with anyone who reads this!)... that I KNOW... i have LEARNED in this lifetime... that where ENERGY goes, ENERGY flows... the more atttention i put towards the yucky things... the more those yucky things are present....
the more energy i put into GOODNESS.... being patient, and courageous... to CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY, to choose JOY....more energy will flow into that.
it is up to us to choose which glasses/frames/lens we choose to put on to wear in this world.
i want my glasses to be CLEAR, and playful and happy... i want them to see the world as the SHITSHOW it seems to be heading in...(sorry!)... and so i want to see it/live it... in a good true way... that encompasses the sad/angry/lethargic qualities it brings out in me... INTERTWINED with my positive belief in ritual and gratitude and good positive company and interactions... with fellow compassionate understanding caring humyns....
wouldn't it be great if i could finally live again where all my prayers are LESS about myself, and MORE about the betterment of others again?
i wish/pray for me to be spending LESS energy in the not-so-far future about my hardships in life right now... and instead with good buddhist philosophies that encourage us to live to serve the betterment of others... and preserving/protecting nurturing the earth...
may i REMEMBER how to live again, so that my kids and i together can be living rooted in the philosophy to SERVE for the betterment of others and PACHAMAMA...sincerely <3 p="">
(p.s. where this positive re-memberance has been ignited is... today my kids and i shared a campfire with a very special friend family of ours. it was actually their FIRST lived experience of BEING with a fire.
to be with fire, and nature is true healing...)
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