truthfully, just writing the title here says it all.
and i actually feel like i don't have much more energy to pull flowing words out of my brain...
but i know i need to flush this *feeling* out of me, that is far too often there.
I wasn't always so negative, or tired, or needy, or sad.... I used to have time/energy/space to work with and flow through my energy.
then i had twins... and then etc etc etc...
so many life evolution have come through that growth...
i wished for them truly. i wished and WANTED to have a baby, and babies came.
but i did not wish also to lose so much of what MADE my life what it was, and brought me a sense of balance.
i actually feel like at this point, i am so different and far from what i 'was', that it is at this point of many of my relationships and friendships are actually deteriorating. because i am just so needy and yearning, of some relief... of a break... of some help...and well, it is not anyone else's responsibility to come and be present to help me (and Terell) with our kids, but you know, it certainly would be nice.
it is really hard...with basically no support to help with any of the day-to-day care-load of us and two-year old twins.
even people with singleton kids, even with more than one... don't really understand.
it takes it's toll on you.... it has taken it's toll on me.
but there's hardly anyone present anymore to talk about it with.. they are all busy functioning, while i am here, often feeling like we are hardly staying afloat, in so many ways.
it's been 2 and 1/4 years almost, since we have had Montana and Yemaya... and truly, slowly but surely, it has taken it's toll on me.
no one has the time to come help us, or no one wants to *make* the time to help us, be present with us... and maybe at this point, no one actually WANTS to come be with us, because truthfully... there is much stress/pressure/strain present in our little humble family and household these days...
intertwined with beautiful laughter and special danceparties, and quirky personalities, that only we know....
and i actually feel like i don't have much more energy to pull flowing words out of my brain...
but i know i need to flush this *feeling* out of me, that is far too often there.
I wasn't always so negative, or tired, or needy, or sad.... I used to have time/energy/space to work with and flow through my energy.
then i had twins... and then etc etc etc...
so many life evolution have come through that growth...
i wished for them truly. i wished and WANTED to have a baby, and babies came.
but i did not wish also to lose so much of what MADE my life what it was, and brought me a sense of balance.
i actually feel like at this point, i am so different and far from what i 'was', that it is at this point of many of my relationships and friendships are actually deteriorating. because i am just so needy and yearning, of some relief... of a break... of some help...and well, it is not anyone else's responsibility to come and be present to help me (and Terell) with our kids, but you know, it certainly would be nice.
it is really hard...with basically no support to help with any of the day-to-day care-load of us and two-year old twins.
even people with singleton kids, even with more than one... don't really understand.
it takes it's toll on you.... it has taken it's toll on me.
but there's hardly anyone present anymore to talk about it with.. they are all busy functioning, while i am here, often feeling like we are hardly staying afloat, in so many ways.
it's been 2 and 1/4 years almost, since we have had Montana and Yemaya... and truly, slowly but surely, it has taken it's toll on me.
no one has the time to come help us, or no one wants to *make* the time to help us, be present with us... and maybe at this point, no one actually WANTS to come be with us, because truthfully... there is much stress/pressure/strain present in our little humble family and household these days...
intertwined with beautiful laughter and special danceparties, and quirky personalities, that only we know....
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