10 mins

Tonight, within a period of 2 hours, i received this message twice. From 2 different men. 10 mins Both men that at different points, I liked them a lot, one I loved. Both do not know respect thoroughly enough, for me... to be with me. They do not give enough respect for me anymore. No longer will I entertain such messages from one of them, and the other, I have to at this point in life still. I take such a message with a certain grain of salt from each one of them, a certain mis- or dis-trust. They do not honour time and communication with a care for my experience of the repercussions of their '10 mins'. I am over that. I deserve more. I give more. I am as honest as i can be about my 10 mins, and it is not ever hours, or a no-show. It will be approximately, 10 minutes, if i say it will be. And if I commit to it, I will almost very certanly, do it. I pride myself in that, and i feel very guilty if i let someone down once i have commit. I want to plan days in advance. I want to plan weeks in advance. I want to look forward to time together, and express that, and show it via text messages, via voice messages, via phone calls, or short or long dates and time together. I want to reserve the time, to spend time. Time is precious, my time is precious. And I am not hanging out with men anymore who do '10 mins' in such ways. Time is precious, my time is precious. I am precious.

Stephen - he ended with MAID, covered in rainbow flowers...

First time i have seen MAID, and i suspect not the last...

He chose it because he was done...

I suspect his life would have been done possibly by his birthday, which was 10 days away...

but he chose now, he chose this morning...

and we were all there surrounding him... lots of us... i'm not sure how many, but there were lots, and we were beautiful, and sweet, and came with plenty of history and relationships and reflections of the rainbow that Stephen was.

He had colourful animated friends... he had creative folks all around him. He saw their beauty, with his curiosity and genuine interest, he invited it out in others.

Stephen-glasses, if put on, look out onto the world with love, wit, lightheartedness, but an ability to feel and empathize with others pains, joys, experiences. For his life- he focused on what can be done, taking care, actions that set up life for now, and moving forward...but when looking out from his lens, he loved the people around him, he saw the beauty in his friends, and anyone could become his friend... he was open to any or all kinds of people being his friends... and he continuously made new friends until the final days his life, yet amazingly, also maintained his friendships from his lifetime. He cared about others...'I just love people' he said just days ago... when he was alive, yet dying...

He was almost 87 years old... that's a lot.

He was ready to die...

I still wish he waited... but because he chose to go this way... we were all there...and it was special, memorable, and rich.

Bittersweet.

And he was covered in flowers... and he was beautiful.

IN life and in death.