room for improvement

accountability
owning up
being responsible for one's mistakes

That humyn had gotten into all kinds of patterns... they couldn't help it, it's what happens to humyns (or at least they have to work pretty hard at NOT succumbing to the patterns they were raised with!)

Culture and society and family and social upbringing are strong.

they became a person who had a hard time humbling themselves, since they always were so independent, always had to MAKE decisions for themselves, not having so much familial support.

they had to trust themselves, they had to make the decisions... to go left of right, to do this or that. That was their norm.

some folks spoke with their parents and grandparents. Not this humyn... they trusted themselves, they spoke with different peers.... but generally not wise elders, in which to guide them (not on a daily basis at least)

so they made choices, all folks do whom are alive

sometimes their ways of doing things wasn't always the safest, smartest or the best... incorporating ALL the abilities and mobilities of a possible humyn existence- mind body intellect spirit soul practicalities values

Judgement was not always clear.... discernment in all relationships, and navigating life, and the systems that STRUCTURE life in their society and culture.

sometimes they fought against it... that became their norm

over time, life changed their circumstance... and they had a day, where lots of their patterns became clear, and the 'room for improvement' was really strongly seen/felt/highlighted.

they had no choice. to sink of swim?

to avoid, to shy away from.... or to own up? to be responsible. to sit with the discomfort of it... the shame, the senses of inadequacy.... the sadness, the universal signs really giving them NO WAY OUT. their 'ways' could not be avoided and ignored.

it just is and was as it is and was.

so they had a bad day. then they woke up the next day, and had a good day.

they realized there definitely was room for improvement, and it was up to them to make that judgement call.... to carry on in their patterned ways, or to level-up, and manage those discomforts and unhealthy patterns better.

they chose better :)

accountability
owning up
being responsible for one's mistakes

the plight of a working mother, with sick child(ren)

she is now a working womyn, who has a child who is sick.

What is she to do...

A womyn learns from young, that there are expectations of her, versus her brother.

It's hard to really explain how these expectations exist, as they are so subtle.

Folks would say, parents (in a hetero-relationship), play equal roles in this day and age.

Last time child got sick, kids father called in sick. This next time, Mom calls in sick.

But does the dad feel as the Mom does... that knowing, that she cannot let her child go to school or to their before/after-school program sick weak with a fever, she will ALWAYS be the one, who will have to make an exception. It is the sterotype of a Woman- it is the expectation. It is the 'why she gets paid less than a man', why they hire womyn with no kids...because the expectation and societal Norm, is that Mama has REALLY no choice...

She cannot go to work if her child is sick.

She is on eggshells while at work, knowing something was up with her child, she sees it immediately with a child, when they're 'off'.... she works very hard to get as much work done as she can!!!.

She looks at her phone, nervous when the phone call shows 'private number', thinking- here is that phone call, my baby is sick. I gotta go...

Shit, just as she suspected.

She leaves her very busy morning of getting the kids completely fed and dressed, to their before school family, packed with healthy lunch to nourish her sick children.... then Work, where she worked very hard with her mind and brain... then rushing to get her sick weak child, and healthy sibling (because she cant go back out to pick child up with one sick child alone at home). She carries him home, his body weak, her body weak....

And she tends to their polar opposite energies for the rest of the night... stretched between their energy levels... and depleted by the end....

The experience of being a working class Working Womyn Mama.

She is always navigating the logistics of it all... planning, managing the households food, and activities and movement.

This is the sterotype of Womyn, she can resist these 'roles' much of her life, but... Society pushes her back into that role, once she has kids. Most womyn do....

It is a strong energy, it is her place to do so, no matter how progressive she is, or the agency she works for. She is a womyn, she manages her kids, it's what she does, WELL. She needs to work, and do a good job there, show her abilities and strengths, as an independent humyn (which she never is, once she becomes a Mother)

The pressure is hard, to maintain professionalism, and the soft emotional gentle caring nurturance that children need.  It's tough for her to always maintain good easy going loving energy, when she has to RUSH them out the door and prepare EVERYTHING for them to stay healthy and well-fed and well-clothed every single day.... let alone adding that stress of a sick child. The mystery and uncertainty of what is going to happen to them, with them....

and with HER- what about tomorrow? it is a working day- what will she do? how will she make up the hours.... she only has 5 weekdays of school hours, if she missed a day, the next day she does not have childcare covered. What will she do to make up the hours?

There's not enough hours in the day... she can't be everywhere at once and fast... especially not with a sick child...

She didn't realize the position she would be in when she really wanted to have a working professional job as well. She didn't realize how heavy of a load being a Mom already was.

But still... she chooses to work, to test how much she can handle, afterall.... she is Womyn. She is Amazing, and skilled at so many un-named, un-recognized, AMAZING skills... that only a mother can know, because only motherhood BRINGS them. Skills and abilities and strengths that grow as she grows, as she grows her kids. And because of that, she strives to be better, for better... for her, and her kids.

She is Womb-yn.