company of kids

i was cleaning up breakfast, and it was 'my turn' to eat

i usually eat after they do, so i eat their leftovers.... perhaps this is what womyn have done for centuries, something like this i am sure...

it is our job to feed them, and care for them, and also stretch food and money out, ALWAYS making sure their needs are met...

back to the story though... i spilt my WHOLE bowl of berries n oats all over the floor :(

both kids came into the kitchen after hearing my despair...they sat down on the stool together, and just kind of watched....

they just kept me company...

i was definitely initially frustrated...

ugggg.....SO frustrating....

but as i started cleaning... with my children watching over me...

ZERO judgement, pure calm empathy.... just child-like curiosity....

slightly mimicking my grumpy face....

as i worked away cleaning... i realized I needed to let it go...

so i encouraged us all to take a deep breathe...

in and out...

they were really susceptible to such suggestions at that time, as they were both calm (it's harder to take 'calming' deep breathes when we are ALL worked up... it certainly takes practice to 'pause, breathe, take a deep breathe in an out')

so we started breathing together, and i started calming...

then i added.... 'let's breathe in calm happy breathe... and let go of any frustrated or angry feelings'...

then we had big smiles of breathe coming in, and making funny sounds and mouth actions releasing our breaths...

by the time i was done breathing sillilly, i was also done cleaning... and was smiling.

all because they came down and sat beside me... being present with me.

so that 'anger frustration' feeling, just past through me....flowing like a nice river....in a beautiful jungle...

not all moments happen like this, there are MANY that don't...

but it certainly was a blessing in those moments, i definitely NOTICED it happening as it happened, and totally was appreciative of my kids abilities to teach me a simple lesson...

or by BEING allowing ME to remember an often forgotten ability...

with their sweet curious company <3 p="">
i give thanks.

OBJECTS, stuff, PILES...and attachment.

you know....

i have attachments to lots of things...

i wonder if i had more time, and space, and support.... if i would find it in myself to 'let go' of lots of it.

i certianly was raised with 'attachments' to too many objects... with a 'just in case' mentality... especially if things are 'free' or 'good deals'.

but some of my 'attachments' have to do with sentimental/emotional value.

i have too many things i have held onto from my childhood, things that 'my mom chose'... or things that WERE my mom's.

but she died when i was not quite 8 yeaers old.

my intelligent side, understnads how i would have 'some' issues with letting go of things that i directly associate with my mom...

granted, i do have more than enough things that ARE hers, or related to her... but still.... if they are still functional or in good shape, i have a hard time 'rationalizing' just tossing them.

i was ALSO raised with 'reduce, reuse, recycle' mentality, and i recently saw 'repair' added... i like that too. I have that philosophy engrained in me too, and i GET it.

like, i LOVE this beautiful environment, this LAND, pachamama earth...

i wish i didn't buy as many 'new' things as i do these days... i never used to be like that... clothings swaps, finding/buying used furniture, etc.

'one man's trash is another one's treasure'

i lived that way for so many years, it's hard to just STOP living like that... i mean, i lived in a home that at one point was full of NEW, but my dad hardly replaced... that new stuff just collected dust, and depreciated.

you see, it was my mom who had the vision of all that new stuff.... or at least they did together... and once she died... he just was not interested in buying 'new'. i guess he lost the drive to 'care' about those kinds of things.

new and cool stopped being important to him, i guess that was more my mom.

and you know, i actually like that quality of my dad...i mean, really, who cares abotu new and cool??

yeah, you fit into 'society' more... but you also damage and fuck up the environment more... and honestly, that's just not cool either?!

i dunno...

i have too many objects and piles of stuff... i keep it semi-organized in my own ways...

but at THIS moment in life... it's annoying my partner, and i kind of get it, and i also get my own WAYS.

i have lots of speacial odds and ends, and they MEAN things to me...

and as my kids get bigger... hopefully i can share more with them, and then maybe then, once they've played with them and worn them all out... then i can let go of these objects...

or maybe they will want to hold on to some of these things... and then pass them on to their kids ;)

we will see what makes it till then... not much i imagine... but if these 'objects' help them to develop deeper meanings, and attachments... to beautiful memories and their ancestors.... let it be so...

<3 p="">