I LOVE MOTHER EARTH!!!!!
hi my friends and family and all my loved ones.....aka one and the same!
what is going on??? how are all of you??
i know i have written recently....but i have a feeling i will be out of commission for a little while, and i am so excited and i don't think i really know what will be happening yet.....i need to really figure it all out, but i have a train ticket, and i have told domnic that i am coming, and he will hook me up with some sorta deal situation....because i am a friend of a friend!
basically, in goa i hung out for a bit with this guy manu, very funny and chillin, peer pressured me to drink one night, i don't drink very often, it had been 7 weeks or so.....anyways, he's from India, lived in aussie land, and he was travelling for a bit with elisa from germany....he has a guesthhouse and tour houseboat in Kerala-southern India, and told me of a friend who has a place in the jungle in Kerala, very special....i looked into it, and well....im a sucker for jungle...it seems like some of the most powerful mother earth nature, and that is what/who i believe in most, becuase i come from her, we all do, including the trees, the rain, the rainbows, avocados and passionfruit, babies, dogs, snakes, leeches and wheat! all of it!
look.....http://www.malleeshwaram.com/....
http://malleeshwaram.blogspot.com/...http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Silent_Valley_National_Park...
yeah, i KNOW!!!! it'll be a big journey in and around trains, buses, rickshaws, jeeps, i dunno exactly....but im headed there tomorrow....OH MY GOSH!!
so this jungle lodge....we're talkin tribal area, and 'grossly inherited with leeches', and 10 acres of protected forest, it is described as an ancient tribal kingdom, and Silent Valley National Park, where it is has been described as the 'richest expression of life on earth'...and the animals.....and creatures and flowers...
im actually a bit sad to leave Goa....its been an amazing time here....so so amazing....its so small in Arambol beach where i am....and so nice....every day at sunset, i cannot explain it....music, gathering to watch the sunset, every kind of play is here.....the circus/play world is wonderful, im really appreciating this group of people that i never really knew i was so part of, and i shared so much with.....even tho, well...i hula hoop....so really, i am!?!?!? but these people are strong, they are active, they do yoga and dance and movement and rhythm and play and children and simplicity and dirty and perform-y and beautiful and fun and well.....grounded....they dont need much, just to be healthy and play together.....of course there are a range of people, and exceptions and extremes to everything....but the people ive really spent time with, ive enjoyed so much, its such a great community....and its worldwide!!!! with so much talent and enthusiasm.....ive spent so much time with a really wonderful canadian, from Quebec, Marie.....and we have many similarities, many differences.....
my hula hooping has really just blossomed as i feel i have since being in Goa, and really it has come from being in India and learning what i have learned here about so many different bits of life.....ya know, its amazing....at the juggling convention i spent days doing yoga and acro yoga (balancing and stretching on/via eachother), creative movement (liek contact dance)....i had the best day doing afro-brazilian dance......and the last night many people just brought out their fire equipment and just jamed out.....i dunno how many jugglers were at this convention, but you can only imagine how ay different styles and forms of fire playing there was.....poi, and staff, and juggling and swords and rope darts and everyone does it so differently and its amazing to see....and of course hula hoops!!!!! i really wanted to, so i searched one out to borrow, i got one, and i was going to go next, it was perfect....there were some drummers and a didgireedoo....totally my type of hula inspiration....or life inspiration, give me some live organic music anyday and im ready to move.....anyways, as i was ready to go soon....the police came to shut it down.....WHAT??? here in goa because of its past, and really, sort of its present..... lots of parties, trance parties historically...so music and party all night long.....blah blah blah....the police want money if you wanna stay, its really the corruption little situation here, but they ended up taking one of the coordinators to jail....he got out ok with less of a fine then they asked for....but basically....music was over, and the party sort of had a damper put on it......last ngiht and the police came.....
but you know what? shortly after, some dude started spinning, and i was already fueled up....so as soon as he was done, i was in..... AND IT WAS SO GOOD!!!! people were cheering me on....because id been hooping all week, and so inspired, and i had friends i had made all week really encouraging and enjoying what i do....and well....it was really beautiful, and i dont spin very often with fire, so its always a treat for me and especially for the people watching, and many people said i reenergized the night after the police..... it was so nice....i wish you could have all been there to be part of it....but really you are, all the time now.... i feel that!
i really enjoy hulalooping because i am inspired and it is because i know people are enjoying watching as well, it totally is an exchange.....i wish all the people who watch me hoop knew that.... since the convention ended, i have had such beautiful days of simplicity... sunsets are a constant.....i bring my hula hoop, i go to where everyone is, or find music that inspires....and there is always a couple places....but there is this man here, itailian...but he has this AMAZING instrument called a hang from switzerland, it is amazing....so beautiful...it sounds like a harp, but a drum like steel drum, soft, and soulful, you feel it moving you...... so i hula hoop and i just move with it...it is so amazing.... many people watching, sometimes drums, and didgireedoos....sometimes bhajans- nightly prayer and chanting....as the sun is setting over the ocean.....so beautiful.... i saw dolphins one night..amy- i saw them!!!!...and then i go swimming once the sun is down, the day is ended, the sun has set....it is a wonderful time to swim....then have a shower, and there is music happening at night AGAIN, a jam session somewhere always....always music here, always a friend somewhere....you almost cannot be by yourself, because you haev so many like-minded friends around....
i have really really loved my time here....a lot...it has been like freedom for me, maybe it feels like that more especially because the last couple of months in India have been more restrictive with expression....with being open with my body and my movement and dance and flow..... and now im in goa and people are swimming topless on the beach and you see belly and leg and arm and well, its not true India at all....but it definitely is a beautiful free musical flowing open place....so it has really really opened and loved up my free spirit side....and i am always happy to nourish all my bits....it comes back around to all of my life....and all the people who i interact with..... its been amazing, i am really surprised to be honest, i ddint expect to love it here, but i do, i really recommend coming here to arambol beach in goa if it right for you...that always is the key.....ya gots to be realistic about yourself, and what is good for your mind, body, and soul.....and find the balance.....
but thats the key in life....really.....
so, i move on to the jungle, also so important for my soul.... this jungle lodge....we're talkin tribal area, and 'grossly inherited with leeches', and 10 acres of protected forest, it is described as an ancient tribal kingdom, and Silent Valley National Park, where it is has been described as the 'richest expression of life on earth'...and the animals.....and creatures and flowers...
i will let you know how it all unfolds, but i leave tomorrow evening, night train down the coast, and then i have to take a few buses and jeeps to get there, i dont really know yet, but im in! from there i will probably go more south in Kerala, i would like to get to the most southern tip, i like to experience extremes....plus...Roy, another wonderful hamilton canadian friend explained the because fo the water cycle, the true END of the ganga river really is at the most southern point here, because the water flows from the himalayas, all the way to where the streams and rivers meet the sea.....and that is in the south....so i feel a little bit like this was the beginning inspiration for me-the ganga, and it seems only right to see more....but that will all be decided when it comes to that....
but future things, ill be sort of brief, but i am starting to have some dates.... feb 18-24....i will go back to thirunamavali, to the singing heart ashram, for the dying for truth retreat i think to assist jaclyn.....i think i will really learn so much and it will give me many new perspectives on life....and death....
and then i maybe will come back to goa, because there is this woman here who makes really beautiful costumes, and i am starting to think i need a costume for hooping to perform....its a thought that is growing in my head....and also to have a little freedom and sunshine burst before heading up to the north and mountains again....
then march 27 to april 6- there is a 10-day meditation thing called Open Dharma that i have been accepted to, it is different then Vipassana (if you have heard of it....)-less strict, more open....good for me...
in the future, im starting to sorta seriously consider germany....for summertime....going to berlin! it makes me quite excited to think about it....ive been given lots of beautiful and positive feedback and advice....and im sort of feeling drawn...but this is months away.... but i wanna give you a heads up for the just in case.....
i am gonna go....i love you all....i really do....thank you for listening and enjoying...it wouldnt be the same for me if it wasnt for you....it is the same about hooping, it very much is a give and receive situation....i am experiencing and loving it, you are listening and thinking of m, sending me your positive wishes...and well, it all comes around and back to the goodness of sharing id say....so thank you for keeping me going as well.... i love you! and i think of you all the time...
to my closer family, i am sorry i dont call all the time...but you know when we talk it will be the same as it always is.....lovely!
ill keep in touch when i can!!!!
adios...
Sunni
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
India- December 17, 2008 - Darjeeling, in a nutshell (ok, its a big nut, lets be honest here!)
hi all you kids...
wow.....its been another little whirlwind of many emotions, so many lessons, and so much beauty in all the right things.....
I am leaving today, out of the cold, and into the sunshine!!! yaaaaay!!...oh the sweet warmth of the sunshine....I will go to Chennai, in the South, the state of Tamil Nadu, it will take a few days in total.... so its a big trip Im about to going on! Before yesterday morn, amy and i had already decided to split up, ''when it was right'' we said all along, and we both decided it was a good thang....so no stress...but yesterday morn amy found out some news that may change things for her, she is going back to canada, after some reevaluation of her lifes priorities, and spending time with a very special friend that we made....he is a man with much wisdom and so much kindness and soul...Ganu, he was our guide in our 4-day hike up to the top of a mountain where i saw the peaks of 2 of the 3 highest mountains in the world, and heaven...on the anniversery of my mothers death...i will expand on this later, but for now...the status is...amy is going back to canada.....brrrr..... sorry to say that for all of you who are there...and i continue the journey alone, with so much love and admiration for amy....we brought eachother here to India, and we would not have experienced what we had if it were not for eachother...for all of you that know her, and for all of you that may one day meet her...she is one of the brightest most enthusiastic positive souls in the world...! we said we would split when it is the complete right time so i will carry on and thank the gods that we brought eachother all that we have in our lives....
i have attached some photos, first is from the beginning of our trip, when we got some beautiful henna in Delhi, drinkin some Chai, the man in the background with a big kind smile, and one gold tooth, is the owner of the shop, and the maker of the mendhi (henna design) art! SO beautiful...
2nd pic is me seeing heaven, the 3rd is the first day trekking up, you can see how beautiful the jungley cold mountainside is!!
So, are you ready for this one....get yo self some tea, preferably chai with milk and sugar, maybe a pot, and here we go.....
this email seems to revolve around dates...darjeeling taught me many lessons, and these lessons seemed to revolve around 2 very important dates....my mothers death anniversery, and my 25th birthday....
Major lessons....
Family, Culture, Nature..... Cycles of Life and Death..... Humanity, kindness, amazing beauty of Mother Earth.... from the words of 'The Paradox of Our Age'' from the Dalai Lama from Tibet(now presently in exile residing in Himachel Pradesh in Northern India)... http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/6807/LessonsForLife.html ...
Darjeeling (aka Queen of the Hill- you know i love the Diva names... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Darjeeling ), or Gorkhaland....as most of the inhabitants would have this patch of land be called....the people who live here, and surrounding towns, up towards Nepal...they are Gorkha people...if you remember, in my first email i wrote in arriving here, i was like Wow, the people are so different lookin, they look so nepali...well....yeah, its because they are Gorkha people...and they want the rights to this being their own state, so they can let their "unique to India"" culture continue on in their land...they are losing their language and culture, and as the generations grow older...the younger ones are losing touch with their roots, they need to learn in schools and communities where they are free to learn their language and culture and beliefs and customs.....this is a story we have all heard before, and it is a sad story that spreads far and wide, all over this world, and the reality of this westernized and money and success-oriented society takes over.....for these people...this IS a reality....
When we arrived in Gorkhaland, we almost immediately met little Diksha, a 12 year old spunky little diva....i love her....i walk holding her hand, she makes me laugh my face off.... her mother and father and cute brother have invited us into their home so many times, and were quite disappointed that i cancelled on the plan to share my birthday with them, as Sangeeta thinks of us as her 2 daughters.... I really have loved sharing time and some of my life with them....I will forever miss Diksha....that spunky little girl.... later that day, Amy and i decided against going to Sikkim, and stay in Darjeeling, so we looked at tour agencies just to see what we could do...since neither of us has guide books....we ended up randomly, well, running on instinct, booking a 4 day trek (hike) leaving the following day at 6:15 am which ended up being 4 days, 53 km, hiking uphill largely, in the mountains of eastern India, and Nepal....wandering through villages and jungle and cold, and sunshine, and freezing, and smelling and experiencing and it was such a random and one of if not the most beautiful experiences so far.... I came back into our room on the second night...after walking 12 km up, and Amy was in bed, she had altitude sickness, a pulled groin, and was in very bad shape to say the least...and i could only respond to her question of how watchin the sun set was....with ''i saw god'....... that trip, i saw heaven....i cant really even say what god is....here there are so many gods i cant even count them on one centipedes arms.... but what i saw, and felt, and breathed and experienced.....was god-like, heaven like......
that day, December 8, 2008, was 17 years since my mother died...and i was in pure mother nature mountain earth....the air is clean, and pure and fresh and cold....the trees are alive, and untouched....they are free to grow....the smells that nature provided and Ganu- the wonderful guide- highlighted were so refreshing...the sights of nature, touching and feeling.....the weather, my physical body.... feeling its own maximums ....working through the uphill with my breathing, and my mind, and my mothers death, and life.....all helping me up the mountain....that day everyone said it was going to snow.....can you believe it....me climbing a mountain in the snow....ha hah a, right.....but it was a holy blessing that day, only the sun shone....and it meant that we hiked with the sun right in our faces for beautiful intervals, when we weren't hiding in bamboo panda-ville, which we sadly did not see, no pandas...but much bamboo, which made for a wonderful tribal walking stick......the sun was shining, i walked by myself 85% of the time, amy walked with Ganu 95% of the time..... this is where we differed amy and I, the alone time vs. talk time.....and it is what makes her so beautiful, and what makes me me.....also beautiful....
when we arrived on the top of Sandakphu, where we stayed, a borderplace, between India and Nepal....Amy was not feelin hot, she went straight to bed (where she continued to puke etc....we didnt know until we came back.....), and Ganu and i headed to the highest peak we could find....we were surrounded by clouds....and the sun was setting....we walked up, there were tibetan/buddhist prayer flags hanging all over....these are the sets of red, green, yellow, blue and white flags with prayers written on them...the thought is the wind can carry these prayers as far as the wind can take them...and the top of this mountain was WINDDDDYYYY.....it was so beautiful.....the sun setting....on top of these cushions and cushions of flowing thick white clouds.....i was sitting on the highest peak i could sit on, over 3630 metres, looking at this with my own 2 eyes, after climbing probably the hardest climb my own 2 little feet have ever climbed....looking at what i could only describe as heaven.....
this is what i wrote at the top, i had to remember.....
''the wind is so strong....HOLY SHIT....this is for you Mom, and Ira Joel Dad, and all the people whom i've ever met, and love and didn't love, and for all those people who will never be able to come here....and see it, and feel it, and smell it, and hear it, and touch it, and taste it.
I am so Alive.....I LOVE YOU!!!''
and i screamed i love you, in all directions, it was a spinner.....
the moon was already glowing, almost full moon.... it was at this point where there was such clairty...it was like i was allowed to enter the true higher states of consciousness that so many beautiful religions and philosophies describe....for just this moment in time....i was given a glimpse to what could be.....and it was beautiful....and exhillerating, and it felt like god.....
whew....deep breathe....and there were oms chanted, by myself, and with Ganu....this universal sound of peace....and consciousness.....for all of you.....i mean it from my entire soul......
when it got too dark...we walked back down to find amy in a yucky little place.... we cared for her that night....and to be honest, on this day, this day that is unlike any other day in my life....we needed to all support eachother....amy supported my silence....and i was able to nurture her in a time when she needed me....and Ganu supported us both, in what we both needed....he really is like a true saint....
the rest of the trek was beautiful and amazing and so many other special feelings and sights and experiences, im not going to go into it.....except to say the next day, we woke up, after a FREEZING night....and a rough night for little amy, and saw the sunrise....and the clouds had cleared up a bit, so now i could see 2 of the highest peaks in the ENTIRE world....i saw the top on Konchendzonga, the 3rd highest, and i also saw the peak of Mt. Everest, the HIGHEST....it truly was a holy blessing....and all this was seen on the day of my mothers death.....it really truly was a holy blessing.....
that day mother earths heaven invoked my flow....right before the moon was full.....it was as the sun was rising that my flow began.....mother earth never fails to amaze me.....honestly...the more i see, the more i feel, the more i connect to her....the more clarity and understanding i feel....
Next major Story here... my birthday....
we arrived back from our beautiful 4 day trek, new chapter, new experiences, new flow, full moon...I am amazed at the semi-ease in which the whole trek was for me, even though its been a long time since i've done such a trek, if ever.... 53 km in 4 days, with no recent trekking experience, i didnt think it was possible...i am thankful that yoga and body health consciousness has been so central for me in recent years, I had some seriously sore calves upon return to darjeeling, but nothing major...it reminds me of how thankful i am to have such a strong and able body....a good reminder...and so i will continue to strengthen and love it......
Dikshas family was adamant about us coming over for a full meal with the family as SOON as we came back to town...we said the following day would be perfect....and it was....her mother made sure we were stuffed to the brim, with her DELICIOUS food....they were also REALLY excited about my birthday, and little diksha was scheming, shortly after, Ganu invited us to his family home in a little village outside of the central darjeeling.... and although i did not want to dissapoint my lovely little Diksha....it was something that was really too special to not do....so the 13th, day before my birthday, after buying train tickets out of DArjeeling....Ganu came to our little hotel mall glory and we started our short trek down to his village.
wow....what an honour to be invited to his home....really.... on our way down, we stopped at a Tibetan Refugee Centre.... where i ripped out me hula hula....and we had such a wonderful time with those kids.... since China invaded Tibet in 1949, 1.2 million live feeling and breathing human beings have been killed, the population of tibetans is now only 6 million in tibet (with China having approx. 7.5 million humans there- NOT in their country....more than the original inhabitants themselsves...) these children that i got to entertain with my 'magic' as they called it....were born here in Darjeeling, India, where many people have escaped to...these children were BORN in this (lovely) refugee centre....NOT in their motherland.... so this was also an honour to get to bring unexpected happiness to their (and my) day and to their elders of all different ages and smiles...truly.... after i hula'd, they danced for us, and we played ring-around-the-rosy, and a range of fun games...and we all laughed and played.... it was here that i learned a lot about the present state of Tibet and Tibetans, and where i read about teh Dalai Lama and his poem the Paradox of Our Age that i put a link to above....i really recommend reading and having a good think about that....maybe get another pot brewing and brew over this REALITY for a bit....
We continued down again....walking the windy roads....through paths and streets and by many Gorkha people smiling, saying Namaste, checking them out as they checked us out....what a nice human exchange when it comes from pure curiousity and no underlying thoughts.....
when we arrived at Ganu's elders sisters house....the first thing i saw, and got to experience was the smell of a rose in his garden....SO beautiful.... and it continued....there were the most beautful orchids i have ever seen in my whole life....i don't think i had ever really understood orchids until seing thes ones.....it is mother earth equisite perfection in flower form....absolutely amazing..... and this was where i was going to be waking up for my birthday....the blessings continue....
we ate some wonderful lunch made by Ganu's niece Bhindia, a beautiful Gorkha version of Christina Ricci, and went for alittle walk to explore the village a little bit more....came across a whole patch of kids....who were talking about my earring, it looked like i had worms in my ears, and i met the first little girl who was acutally genuinelly terrified of me...its kind of hilarious....but really sorta sad at the same time, like i think she had nightmares about this really bizarre human being she encountered that day.... it was really fun tho....we all chased eachother and made faces....kids stuff....u know....
that night we all cooked together, well, amy and i learned, the vegetables were largely from the land in the village, this wicked green veggie that i first tried in central america, cooked with in Canada, and it grows wild everywhere here in gorkhaland, we ate the 'fruit' and we at teh root vegetable also, beautfiul...the whjole plant is used, right frm the land, as it always should be...that night we made momo's, nepali style steamed veggie dumplings....and we helped from start to finish....so special... and we had tea, and we talked....and then we went to sleep....
December 14....yaaaay....i woke up with Ganu giving me a perfect little rose from his garden, yellow in the centre, spreading to pink outer petals....and i went out and had some reflectin time in the garden....25 years old....in a little village in north-eastern India...looking at, in awe of, and falling in love (again!) with the most beautiful flowers....the sun is shining....ARE YOU SERIOUS? is this all true....
i looked for a flat patch of land....and i did a headstand....this has been a yogic posture that only happens in times of balance...in times of focus, colllected mind and thought.... I have been working towards this off and on for years, and only since coming to India have i learned that it is so much mind... i thank god that i had this moment in time to have the balanced mind...
after a deliciuos breakfast of rice pudding and leftover momo's...we continued down towards another of Ganu's sisters house....she was very eager to meet us.... (can u believe it still? my birthday, and this wonderful person excited to meet us??!?! ) along the way we stopped in a bare patch of land where some young boys were flying kites....Ganu asked, and i got to fly it as well....so wonderful!!! the kids here love flying kites, what a peaceful pastime....much better then nintendo violence or mind-numbing television i would say!...by the time we got to the house, the meaning and truth about family was quickly expanding to show me so much beauty in the life here....
Ganu's sister is married to one of the 3 sons here, so there are a few families and the father and mother of the households...and just numerous people that it was hard to keep track of who fit in where....all i knew was this was family, and that day, we were very much a part of it....they wanted us to be so comfortable, they wanted to feed us,it is like an honour for them....they want to feed you, and you should eat a lot...and show how much you like it, this is such an honour for THEM...and let them serve YOU...amy had issues with that, she was always trying too clean up after, and she was never allowed to.... often here in India at family homes they would serve us first, then sort of watch us eat for a while, see what we needed, put more of as much as they could onto our plates....and then eat themselves....its so beautiful to be honest...you are their guest.....and they want you to be happy... we went to the village temple, which was one of my wishes that day...and i went and offered the rose that Ganu had given me as an offering of appreciation for all that i have and my life that i am so lucky to be living...
after lunch....amy went off with ganus nephew for a little adventure....i had spotted a new baby, and for my birthday, i wanted to spend time with a new mama and fresh little baby....only 1 month and 2 days old....as soon as i said i would like to spend itme with the baby, it was like it was once again, an honour for them...this beautiful 23 year old mother Reema handed me her cozied up little baby with no qualms about it.... a beautiful little baby...just staring at my face....wow...... it was so beautfiul, and such a lovely gift..... i really look forward to this amazing experience of motherhood....this mama and i didnt speak any language, but she knew i was honoured just as i knew she felt the same.... its not about the words as i so often am reminded...... in the room with us all the ladies were joining....there was the elder mama of the household, such BEAUTIFUL lines in her face....when she smiled....it was like she just warmed up your soull...and the little girls, and ganus sister, i was with all these women whom i have never met before in my life....and felt really really at home and happy....the mama love....in a rural village in India....my 25th birthday.....wheeew....deep breathe...
we looked at marriage pictures of the new mama, her and her husbands marriage was a love marriage, and i learned this is true for many of the gorkha people! although he is in the army, a route that many men choose, as Darjeeling is a bordering area for Nepal, and Bhutan, and China and Tibet and Bangladesh...this means the women see their husbands for only 2 months out of the year.... and then we looked at the marriage video and saw the beautiful ceremonies.... then i was stolen from the crowd because the lovely Ganu told his sister that i had a little wound that needed to be tended, so this woman whom i just met was on her knees cleaning a wound on my foot....no second thoughts....out of pure love and human kindness....i was amazed....
when it came time to leave...i was really amazed to feel myself just bawling....crying these tears...how was it, that this hubungous family opened up their home and their life and their happiness and theior purity and their love to me....i didn't even know them....and its my birthday.....i dont know if they had any idea how much it meant to me...i dont even think i have any idea...but when i think of what they added to my life....with such simple beuatiful gestures, it brings me back to those tears.... tears of pure amazement at how beautiful the simple life can be....and i absolutely do not mean simple in anywhere CLOSE to a derogatory life....i mean simple, basic, pure, natural, real, genuine.......mother earth simplicity and beauty....
we walked home, it was dark....it took a while, nothing is aroudn the corner, they're on a mountainside....Ganu's elder sister had returned home from the marriage ceremony she was out, we slept at her house the night before but still had not met the woman..... i found out that she is the head of the womans gorkhaland activist group...after eating, we sat around a fire....she still had hardly spoken or smiled at me....she had a very strong presence....i whispered to amy that she truly was such a strong collected woman, so much that she almost intimidated me....therefore SO much R-E-S-P-E-C-T....what a solid human being....what a solid WOMAN...they boiled some hot water and soaked my feet again to clean it all up....tended to again by these beatiful strangers....
you know i think its time to stop beacuase i could really just go on...i really am just amazed at what just happened...in such a different way then Varanasi.... these people here loved me without knowing anything about me really.... what does this say about human beings? about 'one love'? about genuine soul and caring? where are our priorities in the 'developed world'?
i have such mixed and confliciting emotions for all that i have been raised with...all the things that we do in canada, the way we treat eachother, the way we treat strangers....the fact that is is so strange to talk to others, and open up our souls to them....
after saying all of this....the longest email yet this trip, i know...and really i could sit down and continue....there are more bits....we came home, we celebrated all of our birthdays at Dikshas, we gave little gifts, we dressed up in our most beautiful clothes...we laughed, we ate, we held hands....
and now....i leave in just over an hour to Chennai, to the South, Ganu will come walk me to my ride...it will take 3 hours to get to the train station, then train till morning, take taxi to other train station, then 26 hour train ride down to Chennai....then i dont know where im sleeping.... i've been dealing with some serious dysentry to put it nicely since december 15, day after my birthday, so this very long journey may be a messy toughy....but hey...jin-di-gee.....life....
i have so much to think about....so much to be thankful for....Darjeeling has taught me a lifetime of lessons, and Amy too...she is not coming down with me...tomorrow she goes home to tend to her grandmother....after this time in Darjeeling....we have really had our eyes opened to what life is about.... in its truest form....
so, alas, i must go say goodbye to my little sister Diksha, my very very good friend and true Didi (sister) amy....i will miss her a lot...she taught me so much about myself, and we are leaving eachother with so much respect and knowledge from eachother....the tears are in....so i must go....
thank you so mcuh for listening, honestly...all that i can say is that i really hope that you listen to all that i am saying, and that you really really really do.....i really think we need to see what is happening in front of our eyes....like really see....with all of our senses, and all of our souls....
its not always easy, its not always happy, but at the same time, the truth behind all of it is so amazingly beautiful that it shoul d bring tears and humbleness to all of us....we should all be spending time praying and appreciating what we have... i am thankful to have come here and to have been opened up to wishing and praying and appreciating the little things, and making it part of my every day life....i am thankful that prayer and appreciation is part of my life....
and i can tell you that all of you have been in my thoughts...in some way or another....
enjoy....think, listen, feel, smell, touch.....and really listen and look.....please.....
with love...and birthday wishes from me to you...
sunni
wow.....its been another little whirlwind of many emotions, so many lessons, and so much beauty in all the right things.....
I am leaving today, out of the cold, and into the sunshine!!! yaaaaay!!...oh the sweet warmth of the sunshine....I will go to Chennai, in the South, the state of Tamil Nadu, it will take a few days in total.... so its a big trip Im about to going on! Before yesterday morn, amy and i had already decided to split up, ''when it was right'' we said all along, and we both decided it was a good thang....so no stress...but yesterday morn amy found out some news that may change things for her, she is going back to canada, after some reevaluation of her lifes priorities, and spending time with a very special friend that we made....he is a man with much wisdom and so much kindness and soul...Ganu, he was our guide in our 4-day hike up to the top of a mountain where i saw the peaks of 2 of the 3 highest mountains in the world, and heaven...on the anniversery of my mothers death...i will expand on this later, but for now...the status is...amy is going back to canada.....brrrr..... sorry to say that for all of you who are there...and i continue the journey alone, with so much love and admiration for amy....we brought eachother here to India, and we would not have experienced what we had if it were not for eachother...for all of you that know her, and for all of you that may one day meet her...she is one of the brightest most enthusiastic positive souls in the world...! we said we would split when it is the complete right time so i will carry on and thank the gods that we brought eachother all that we have in our lives....
i have attached some photos, first is from the beginning of our trip, when we got some beautiful henna in Delhi, drinkin some Chai, the man in the background with a big kind smile, and one gold tooth, is the owner of the shop, and the maker of the mendhi (henna design) art! SO beautiful...
2nd pic is me seeing heaven, the 3rd is the first day trekking up, you can see how beautiful the jungley cold mountainside is!!
So, are you ready for this one....get yo self some tea, preferably chai with milk and sugar, maybe a pot, and here we go.....
this email seems to revolve around dates...darjeeling taught me many lessons, and these lessons seemed to revolve around 2 very important dates....my mothers death anniversery, and my 25th birthday....
Major lessons....
Family, Culture, Nature..... Cycles of Life and Death..... Humanity, kindness, amazing beauty of Mother Earth.... from the words of 'The Paradox of Our Age'' from the Dalai Lama from Tibet(now presently in exile residing in Himachel Pradesh in Northern India)... http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/6807/LessonsForLife.html ...
Darjeeling (aka Queen of the Hill- you know i love the Diva names... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Darjeeling ), or Gorkhaland....as most of the inhabitants would have this patch of land be called....the people who live here, and surrounding towns, up towards Nepal...they are Gorkha people...if you remember, in my first email i wrote in arriving here, i was like Wow, the people are so different lookin, they look so nepali...well....yeah, its because they are Gorkha people...and they want the rights to this being their own state, so they can let their "unique to India"" culture continue on in their land...they are losing their language and culture, and as the generations grow older...the younger ones are losing touch with their roots, they need to learn in schools and communities where they are free to learn their language and culture and beliefs and customs.....this is a story we have all heard before, and it is a sad story that spreads far and wide, all over this world, and the reality of this westernized and money and success-oriented society takes over.....for these people...this IS a reality....
When we arrived in Gorkhaland, we almost immediately met little Diksha, a 12 year old spunky little diva....i love her....i walk holding her hand, she makes me laugh my face off.... her mother and father and cute brother have invited us into their home so many times, and were quite disappointed that i cancelled on the plan to share my birthday with them, as Sangeeta thinks of us as her 2 daughters.... I really have loved sharing time and some of my life with them....I will forever miss Diksha....that spunky little girl.... later that day, Amy and i decided against going to Sikkim, and stay in Darjeeling, so we looked at tour agencies just to see what we could do...since neither of us has guide books....we ended up randomly, well, running on instinct, booking a 4 day trek (hike) leaving the following day at 6:15 am which ended up being 4 days, 53 km, hiking uphill largely, in the mountains of eastern India, and Nepal....wandering through villages and jungle and cold, and sunshine, and freezing, and smelling and experiencing and it was such a random and one of if not the most beautiful experiences so far.... I came back into our room on the second night...after walking 12 km up, and Amy was in bed, she had altitude sickness, a pulled groin, and was in very bad shape to say the least...and i could only respond to her question of how watchin the sun set was....with ''i saw god'....... that trip, i saw heaven....i cant really even say what god is....here there are so many gods i cant even count them on one centipedes arms.... but what i saw, and felt, and breathed and experienced.....was god-like, heaven like......
that day, December 8, 2008, was 17 years since my mother died...and i was in pure mother nature mountain earth....the air is clean, and pure and fresh and cold....the trees are alive, and untouched....they are free to grow....the smells that nature provided and Ganu- the wonderful guide- highlighted were so refreshing...the sights of nature, touching and feeling.....the weather, my physical body.... feeling its own maximums ....working through the uphill with my breathing, and my mind, and my mothers death, and life.....all helping me up the mountain....that day everyone said it was going to snow.....can you believe it....me climbing a mountain in the snow....ha hah a, right.....but it was a holy blessing that day, only the sun shone....and it meant that we hiked with the sun right in our faces for beautiful intervals, when we weren't hiding in bamboo panda-ville, which we sadly did not see, no pandas...but much bamboo, which made for a wonderful tribal walking stick......the sun was shining, i walked by myself 85% of the time, amy walked with Ganu 95% of the time..... this is where we differed amy and I, the alone time vs. talk time.....and it is what makes her so beautiful, and what makes me me.....also beautiful....
when we arrived on the top of Sandakphu, where we stayed, a borderplace, between India and Nepal....Amy was not feelin hot, she went straight to bed (where she continued to puke etc....we didnt know until we came back.....), and Ganu and i headed to the highest peak we could find....we were surrounded by clouds....and the sun was setting....we walked up, there were tibetan/buddhist prayer flags hanging all over....these are the sets of red, green, yellow, blue and white flags with prayers written on them...the thought is the wind can carry these prayers as far as the wind can take them...and the top of this mountain was WINDDDDYYYY.....it was so beautiful.....the sun setting....on top of these cushions and cushions of flowing thick white clouds.....i was sitting on the highest peak i could sit on, over 3630 metres, looking at this with my own 2 eyes, after climbing probably the hardest climb my own 2 little feet have ever climbed....looking at what i could only describe as heaven.....
this is what i wrote at the top, i had to remember.....
''the wind is so strong....HOLY SHIT....this is for you Mom, and Ira Joel Dad, and all the people whom i've ever met, and love and didn't love, and for all those people who will never be able to come here....and see it, and feel it, and smell it, and hear it, and touch it, and taste it.
I am so Alive.....I LOVE YOU!!!''
and i screamed i love you, in all directions, it was a spinner.....
the moon was already glowing, almost full moon.... it was at this point where there was such clairty...it was like i was allowed to enter the true higher states of consciousness that so many beautiful religions and philosophies describe....for just this moment in time....i was given a glimpse to what could be.....and it was beautiful....and exhillerating, and it felt like god.....
whew....deep breathe....and there were oms chanted, by myself, and with Ganu....this universal sound of peace....and consciousness.....for all of you.....i mean it from my entire soul......
when it got too dark...we walked back down to find amy in a yucky little place.... we cared for her that night....and to be honest, on this day, this day that is unlike any other day in my life....we needed to all support eachother....amy supported my silence....and i was able to nurture her in a time when she needed me....and Ganu supported us both, in what we both needed....he really is like a true saint....
the rest of the trek was beautiful and amazing and so many other special feelings and sights and experiences, im not going to go into it.....except to say the next day, we woke up, after a FREEZING night....and a rough night for little amy, and saw the sunrise....and the clouds had cleared up a bit, so now i could see 2 of the highest peaks in the ENTIRE world....i saw the top on Konchendzonga, the 3rd highest, and i also saw the peak of Mt. Everest, the HIGHEST....it truly was a holy blessing....and all this was seen on the day of my mothers death.....it really truly was a holy blessing.....
that day mother earths heaven invoked my flow....right before the moon was full.....it was as the sun was rising that my flow began.....mother earth never fails to amaze me.....honestly...the more i see, the more i feel, the more i connect to her....the more clarity and understanding i feel....
Next major Story here... my birthday....
we arrived back from our beautiful 4 day trek, new chapter, new experiences, new flow, full moon...I am amazed at the semi-ease in which the whole trek was for me, even though its been a long time since i've done such a trek, if ever.... 53 km in 4 days, with no recent trekking experience, i didnt think it was possible...i am thankful that yoga and body health consciousness has been so central for me in recent years, I had some seriously sore calves upon return to darjeeling, but nothing major...it reminds me of how thankful i am to have such a strong and able body....a good reminder...and so i will continue to strengthen and love it......
Dikshas family was adamant about us coming over for a full meal with the family as SOON as we came back to town...we said the following day would be perfect....and it was....her mother made sure we were stuffed to the brim, with her DELICIOUS food....they were also REALLY excited about my birthday, and little diksha was scheming, shortly after, Ganu invited us to his family home in a little village outside of the central darjeeling.... and although i did not want to dissapoint my lovely little Diksha....it was something that was really too special to not do....so the 13th, day before my birthday, after buying train tickets out of DArjeeling....Ganu came to our little hotel mall glory and we started our short trek down to his village.
wow....what an honour to be invited to his home....really.... on our way down, we stopped at a Tibetan Refugee Centre.... where i ripped out me hula hula....and we had such a wonderful time with those kids.... since China invaded Tibet in 1949, 1.2 million live feeling and breathing human beings have been killed, the population of tibetans is now only 6 million in tibet (with China having approx. 7.5 million humans there- NOT in their country....more than the original inhabitants themselsves...) these children that i got to entertain with my 'magic' as they called it....were born here in Darjeeling, India, where many people have escaped to...these children were BORN in this (lovely) refugee centre....NOT in their motherland.... so this was also an honour to get to bring unexpected happiness to their (and my) day and to their elders of all different ages and smiles...truly.... after i hula'd, they danced for us, and we played ring-around-the-rosy, and a range of fun games...and we all laughed and played.... it was here that i learned a lot about the present state of Tibet and Tibetans, and where i read about teh Dalai Lama and his poem the Paradox of Our Age that i put a link to above....i really recommend reading and having a good think about that....maybe get another pot brewing and brew over this REALITY for a bit....
We continued down again....walking the windy roads....through paths and streets and by many Gorkha people smiling, saying Namaste, checking them out as they checked us out....what a nice human exchange when it comes from pure curiousity and no underlying thoughts.....
when we arrived at Ganu's elders sisters house....the first thing i saw, and got to experience was the smell of a rose in his garden....SO beautiful.... and it continued....there were the most beautful orchids i have ever seen in my whole life....i don't think i had ever really understood orchids until seing thes ones.....it is mother earth equisite perfection in flower form....absolutely amazing..... and this was where i was going to be waking up for my birthday....the blessings continue....
we ate some wonderful lunch made by Ganu's niece Bhindia, a beautiful Gorkha version of Christina Ricci, and went for alittle walk to explore the village a little bit more....came across a whole patch of kids....who were talking about my earring, it looked like i had worms in my ears, and i met the first little girl who was acutally genuinelly terrified of me...its kind of hilarious....but really sorta sad at the same time, like i think she had nightmares about this really bizarre human being she encountered that day.... it was really fun tho....we all chased eachother and made faces....kids stuff....u know....
that night we all cooked together, well, amy and i learned, the vegetables were largely from the land in the village, this wicked green veggie that i first tried in central america, cooked with in Canada, and it grows wild everywhere here in gorkhaland, we ate the 'fruit' and we at teh root vegetable also, beautfiul...the whjole plant is used, right frm the land, as it always should be...that night we made momo's, nepali style steamed veggie dumplings....and we helped from start to finish....so special... and we had tea, and we talked....and then we went to sleep....
December 14....yaaaay....i woke up with Ganu giving me a perfect little rose from his garden, yellow in the centre, spreading to pink outer petals....and i went out and had some reflectin time in the garden....25 years old....in a little village in north-eastern India...looking at, in awe of, and falling in love (again!) with the most beautiful flowers....the sun is shining....ARE YOU SERIOUS? is this all true....
i looked for a flat patch of land....and i did a headstand....this has been a yogic posture that only happens in times of balance...in times of focus, colllected mind and thought.... I have been working towards this off and on for years, and only since coming to India have i learned that it is so much mind... i thank god that i had this moment in time to have the balanced mind...
after a deliciuos breakfast of rice pudding and leftover momo's...we continued down towards another of Ganu's sisters house....she was very eager to meet us.... (can u believe it still? my birthday, and this wonderful person excited to meet us??!?! ) along the way we stopped in a bare patch of land where some young boys were flying kites....Ganu asked, and i got to fly it as well....so wonderful!!! the kids here love flying kites, what a peaceful pastime....much better then nintendo violence or mind-numbing television i would say!...by the time we got to the house, the meaning and truth about family was quickly expanding to show me so much beauty in the life here....
Ganu's sister is married to one of the 3 sons here, so there are a few families and the father and mother of the households...and just numerous people that it was hard to keep track of who fit in where....all i knew was this was family, and that day, we were very much a part of it....they wanted us to be so comfortable, they wanted to feed us,it is like an honour for them....they want to feed you, and you should eat a lot...and show how much you like it, this is such an honour for THEM...and let them serve YOU...amy had issues with that, she was always trying too clean up after, and she was never allowed to.... often here in India at family homes they would serve us first, then sort of watch us eat for a while, see what we needed, put more of as much as they could onto our plates....and then eat themselves....its so beautiful to be honest...you are their guest.....and they want you to be happy... we went to the village temple, which was one of my wishes that day...and i went and offered the rose that Ganu had given me as an offering of appreciation for all that i have and my life that i am so lucky to be living...
after lunch....amy went off with ganus nephew for a little adventure....i had spotted a new baby, and for my birthday, i wanted to spend time with a new mama and fresh little baby....only 1 month and 2 days old....as soon as i said i would like to spend itme with the baby, it was like it was once again, an honour for them...this beautiful 23 year old mother Reema handed me her cozied up little baby with no qualms about it.... a beautiful little baby...just staring at my face....wow...... it was so beautfiul, and such a lovely gift..... i really look forward to this amazing experience of motherhood....this mama and i didnt speak any language, but she knew i was honoured just as i knew she felt the same.... its not about the words as i so often am reminded...... in the room with us all the ladies were joining....there was the elder mama of the household, such BEAUTIFUL lines in her face....when she smiled....it was like she just warmed up your soull...and the little girls, and ganus sister, i was with all these women whom i have never met before in my life....and felt really really at home and happy....the mama love....in a rural village in India....my 25th birthday.....wheeew....deep breathe...
we looked at marriage pictures of the new mama, her and her husbands marriage was a love marriage, and i learned this is true for many of the gorkha people! although he is in the army, a route that many men choose, as Darjeeling is a bordering area for Nepal, and Bhutan, and China and Tibet and Bangladesh...this means the women see their husbands for only 2 months out of the year.... and then we looked at the marriage video and saw the beautiful ceremonies.... then i was stolen from the crowd because the lovely Ganu told his sister that i had a little wound that needed to be tended, so this woman whom i just met was on her knees cleaning a wound on my foot....no second thoughts....out of pure love and human kindness....i was amazed....
when it came time to leave...i was really amazed to feel myself just bawling....crying these tears...how was it, that this hubungous family opened up their home and their life and their happiness and theior purity and their love to me....i didn't even know them....and its my birthday.....i dont know if they had any idea how much it meant to me...i dont even think i have any idea...but when i think of what they added to my life....with such simple beuatiful gestures, it brings me back to those tears.... tears of pure amazement at how beautiful the simple life can be....and i absolutely do not mean simple in anywhere CLOSE to a derogatory life....i mean simple, basic, pure, natural, real, genuine.......mother earth simplicity and beauty....
we walked home, it was dark....it took a while, nothing is aroudn the corner, they're on a mountainside....Ganu's elder sister had returned home from the marriage ceremony she was out, we slept at her house the night before but still had not met the woman..... i found out that she is the head of the womans gorkhaland activist group...after eating, we sat around a fire....she still had hardly spoken or smiled at me....she had a very strong presence....i whispered to amy that she truly was such a strong collected woman, so much that she almost intimidated me....therefore SO much R-E-S-P-E-C-T....what a solid human being....what a solid WOMAN...they boiled some hot water and soaked my feet again to clean it all up....tended to again by these beatiful strangers....
you know i think its time to stop beacuase i could really just go on...i really am just amazed at what just happened...in such a different way then Varanasi.... these people here loved me without knowing anything about me really.... what does this say about human beings? about 'one love'? about genuine soul and caring? where are our priorities in the 'developed world'?
i have such mixed and confliciting emotions for all that i have been raised with...all the things that we do in canada, the way we treat eachother, the way we treat strangers....the fact that is is so strange to talk to others, and open up our souls to them....
after saying all of this....the longest email yet this trip, i know...and really i could sit down and continue....there are more bits....we came home, we celebrated all of our birthdays at Dikshas, we gave little gifts, we dressed up in our most beautiful clothes...we laughed, we ate, we held hands....
and now....i leave in just over an hour to Chennai, to the South, Ganu will come walk me to my ride...it will take 3 hours to get to the train station, then train till morning, take taxi to other train station, then 26 hour train ride down to Chennai....then i dont know where im sleeping.... i've been dealing with some serious dysentry to put it nicely since december 15, day after my birthday, so this very long journey may be a messy toughy....but hey...jin-di-gee.....life....
i have so much to think about....so much to be thankful for....Darjeeling has taught me a lifetime of lessons, and Amy too...she is not coming down with me...tomorrow she goes home to tend to her grandmother....after this time in Darjeeling....we have really had our eyes opened to what life is about.... in its truest form....
so, alas, i must go say goodbye to my little sister Diksha, my very very good friend and true Didi (sister) amy....i will miss her a lot...she taught me so much about myself, and we are leaving eachother with so much respect and knowledge from eachother....the tears are in....so i must go....
thank you so mcuh for listening, honestly...all that i can say is that i really hope that you listen to all that i am saying, and that you really really really do.....i really think we need to see what is happening in front of our eyes....like really see....with all of our senses, and all of our souls....
its not always easy, its not always happy, but at the same time, the truth behind all of it is so amazingly beautiful that it shoul d bring tears and humbleness to all of us....we should all be spending time praying and appreciating what we have... i am thankful to have come here and to have been opened up to wishing and praying and appreciating the little things, and making it part of my every day life....i am thankful that prayer and appreciation is part of my life....
and i can tell you that all of you have been in my thoughts...in some way or another....
enjoy....think, listen, feel, smell, touch.....and really listen and look.....please.....
with love...and birthday wishes from me to you...
sunni
India- December 6, 2008- up to the mountains....In Darjeeling!!
Namaste me amigos!!!
whats goin on?? how are you all doing in your different lands?? i hope really good...life continues...with good changes if you wish..... i know very well that it is not always easy at all...but my mom once wrote to me that it is inevitable that changes occur, it is up to you whether they are plus or minus..... i figure life inevitably contues to flow....and we must flow like water with it....flow our way around those obstacles, and have faith that we will just continue to flow as well....
so, we are now in darjeeling, up in the mountains, far away from terrorists (im just tossing that one in for all of you wonderfully concerned friends.....), not that im too concerned, i mean, i do not want to die clearly, but im not necessarily going to go right into the middle of it....so, alas, i am here, in beautiful chilly mountains in Darjeeling, the 'Queen of the HIlls' another land of the Diva....mother earth, i tell you! I t took a couple days to get here from varanasi, a long and packed and scrunchy train ride, and an AMAZING 'toy-train' ride up to the top, through mountains and flowers and treees of every kind, i saw roses and orchids and hibiscus flowers and mums, and bjillions of these yellow mini-sunflowers, and greenery ranging from tea plantations to pine trees to bamboo to palm trees.....heaps and heaps of happy playful butterflies, baby little waterfalls and springs, and so many waving smiling rosy cheeked children.....i had no idea the different looking people here, i mean, i guess i should of suspected...we're so close to nepal, but honestly, its so bizarre for me, i am seeing nepali and like chinese looking people wearing saris and bhindis....its so crazy, the ethnic backgrounds of people here is so lovely for my eyes..... i love seeing different colours and features of human being from around the world, and darjeeling has such a range, its awesome!
i have also been wearing some serious indian diva gear....i have a suit that most women wear, and 2 saris as well....but i sent one home, with the Tablas that i sent to my brother....they are so lovely, and flowy, its not as practical because well, i feel so elegant wearing a sari, even tho for most women they wear them all the time...but for me it is dressing up really beautifully, and people really enjoy seeing it as well....how often do they get to see a tall bald white woman wearing a sari, i mean, c'mon..... the women here tho...wow....im really enjoying being around women, girls, old women....youth...i made friends with a range of them in Varanasi..this one girl, Niki, 19years old, in college for social work, taught me a bit about the mindset for women who are of marrying-ish age, amnd what that means for women....her family owned a little variety type shop and barber shop, her mom befriended me first when i was having a bit of a yucky feeling day and she gabbed me and fixed my badly tucked sari....but Niki had me over a couple times for food and talking and girl-stuff....she will have an arranged marriage, but she has a good relationship with her family, so i think she will be okay with whomever she ends up with...but that is normal for women in India...this is how your life goes...she said something to me that really stands out...and probably always will...... she said that its like a woman has a birth, or a new beginning 3 times in her life.... 1- when she is born, 2- when she is married, 3-when she has her own baby.....isnt that so interesting.....its like our 3 most important times are our birth, our marriage, and our babies birth....for them its extreme as in when you marry, you move in with your husbands family, so you relaly do have a HUGE change.....but that is considered to be one of our births.....wow.....i can only respect the half billion or so women who live in this culture and that is their reality....
another moment that was a very much woman moment for me happened in my house i lived in, this wonderful family home where 4 generations lived....they were so lovely....the great grandfather (105 years old...oh my gosh, with this amazingly warm big smile....and 105 wow!!), grandfather and grandmother, 22 year daughter and son, and the daughter had a baby Lakshmi, only20 days old whne we arrived , and son has a son shiva.....4 generations of this family, so amazing..... so one day, i was looking over our balcony to see the ganga, and i looked down below to see the grandma massaging the baby....it was so beautiful, it was such a vigourous massage on such a little body....it taught me about health and body and life and body longevity(you know this oh wonderful masseuses in my life!) , it taught me tenderness and love, it taught me woman taking care of baby, and babie's baby, generational love and family love..... it taught me caring for a baby, and the different ways in which that is done from place to place, family to family....it was such a beautiful set of moments, that stands out in my head....and it was a woman moment....
oh my gosh...so many memories i want to tell you about....
Yoga...most of the time that i was in Varanasi i was practicing with a priest of a temple....on the tmple grounds.....every morning (minus a couple) i woke up, and walked over, like 10 mins away, sometimes after a chai...and i learned and i practiced and i really gained so much strength...it was so so so special.... it is a beyond words kinda thang...because yoga is not so much about the words.... he humbled me, he taught me, he taught me to teach myself....he allowed me to explore my practice and also direct it and receive lessons as well.... it was really so special, and he was my first yogi-gi....adding gee to the end of a name sort of adds an element of respect, and i really respected this man....a lot, and he helped me do things i have been working on now for years.... how special to be taking yoga in India....i really really appreciated that....
for me Varanasi was yoga, and the Ganga, and my first moments experiencing Indian culture and foods and language and humanness and animals and culture....it was music and Tablas, so much....one day we went to Sarnath, the place where Buddha did his first sermon, and the way we got there was really lovely, this Sikh man from Punjab drove us and kept us company for the day, hired a guide to help us understand buddhas temple and lessons, taught us many lessons about his culture, took us for dinner....we just shared a really nice day with this man, it was almost reflective of the lessons to learn from Buddha....that day was lessons outside of the Hindu culture....one which was very much what Varanasi is to me....it is soaked, completely rich in Hinduisms ideology, and it was so beautiful to be honest, i was constantly amazed and in awe and really respected these peoples devotion to their gods, their religion, their goddess ganga.... and i really loved and appreciated having the ganga to go to for guidance, for reassurance, for release....there were many times when i went there by myself, and had moments....i would go with flowers i was given or came across....and i would kneel down and i would put my fee in the water, i would talk in my head or out loud, i would think of people or moments or special bits of my life that i want to think about, send hopeful wishes towards.... people whom i wish for, who have lost family, those who are in need of guidance or some sort of extra they need.....it was just a place where i could go and feel any and all emotions that were in my head, my heart, my soul, my mind....my consciousness.....and i would breathe and connect them into the mother ganga....and she would take on some of it, and comfort me all at the same time......this was my feeling for the the goddess....and this is sort of what so many people come to her with and for....it is so lovely....and since people come to her with offerings of their faith and devotion,t hey bring her flowers and candles....and the shoreline is lined with flowers of all different colours and beauty...i honestly felt such a wonderful connection to her, i really did, i am reading a book called 'Sacred Waters' which talks about her sources...in the himalayan foothills, the state of Uttrakhand, or Garwal, and i am really really looking forward to seeing her at the beginning, where the water is cleaner, and more pure, and maybe experiencing her other qualities.....it is also where the Yoga 'capital' of the world is, the same area....so after the warm South of India, which comes next in the plan, i will go up and experience the Ganga again...in northern India..
the last night i went, and there were lotus flowers floating in the water, and i was sitting watching them, and this rainbow bird came, with this long pointy yellow beak, and i honestly couldn't believe it.....i looked at the whole situation, beautiful lotus flower, in ganga, amazing rainbow bird- ALL in front of my face.....wow.....Jin-di-gee.....life....... right in front of me....
so, now Darjeeling, in the mountains, cold, but so pure and grand and vast...we arrived last night and crashed, today went out looking for a place to sleep, came across a spunky little 12year old diva, Diksha, who invited us to her home (of course, people are SO freakin lovely here, we have met so many lovely people who want to share in our company SO much, i feel honoured every time....) for some tea, and then helped us find a nice new home to live in, its also lovely, we will go spend some time with her, all throughout our stay here, her family is really lovely, and she is so cute, she was looking through all my stuff, asking me all kinds of questions about some innnocent things, and some more adult and/or womanly things, that was pretty hilarious for me to have to explain it all...amy and i held in some serious potential akward moments....laughing right through it, i love kids man....so much to learn from them....and we are hoping to see the vastness of the mountains around, do some trekking, go to the zoo.....see the beautiful nature that we got a taste of on our way up here.....the flowers are calling to me to come and see them with my own eyes, i cant wait!! We may be here for my birthday, not sure...December 14 i turn 25...wow.... its hard to believe...im mid 20s now....what will happen this year?...it will start in India, i still cant believe it, its been a few weeks here already.....time....my watch broke....no time again....another good lesson....so i follow the sun....
It is so lovely outside right now...cold, not so sunny, air is so CLEAN (especially compared to the fogginess and garbage and pollution in Delhi and sadly Varanasi as well) kinda foggy, but so amazingly beautiful, i have seen some special landscape in my life, and this is new....many people have said something to me along the way, and i completely agree....and that is....i am so lucky....i am so lucky to be where i am, doing what i am doing....i have seen so many people who really are not so 'lucky' in life....ive been given a ridiculously good hand... that is for sure....so, right now, i will end this for now, and go see the beauty that i am exisiting in right now....
I must say, this trip is teaching me a ton about a ton....travelling with amy is really really special, at times i wonder if i can handle it.... myself really, my strong independance....this is one of my lessons...for sure, a lesson that i need to really be so comfortable with, because the more beauty i feel in families and babies i see, the more my heart really yearns for that part of my life that will come when it is to come...and then i become my family, and i really really appreciate and believe in that...it is so beautiful what people feel for their families...
So, take a moment to appreciate what you have, your families, your fortunities, your life, your freedoms, your strengths....and all of that around you..... i continue to do that for all of you as well....honestly.....so i send my love, and my best hopes for all that you strive for...
namaste....
Sunni
(P.s. to Guy, i thought of your excitement for the steam trains on the toy-train up here to darjeeling, it whistled the whole time up, now that i think of it, it may be why i had a headache at nite, ha ha...but honestly....the train was so amazing, and i had many moments for you and Veda during the journey!)
whats goin on?? how are you all doing in your different lands?? i hope really good...life continues...with good changes if you wish..... i know very well that it is not always easy at all...but my mom once wrote to me that it is inevitable that changes occur, it is up to you whether they are plus or minus..... i figure life inevitably contues to flow....and we must flow like water with it....flow our way around those obstacles, and have faith that we will just continue to flow as well....
so, we are now in darjeeling, up in the mountains, far away from terrorists (im just tossing that one in for all of you wonderfully concerned friends.....), not that im too concerned, i mean, i do not want to die clearly, but im not necessarily going to go right into the middle of it....so, alas, i am here, in beautiful chilly mountains in Darjeeling, the 'Queen of the HIlls' another land of the Diva....mother earth, i tell you! I t took a couple days to get here from varanasi, a long and packed and scrunchy train ride, and an AMAZING 'toy-train' ride up to the top, through mountains and flowers and treees of every kind, i saw roses and orchids and hibiscus flowers and mums, and bjillions of these yellow mini-sunflowers, and greenery ranging from tea plantations to pine trees to bamboo to palm trees.....heaps and heaps of happy playful butterflies, baby little waterfalls and springs, and so many waving smiling rosy cheeked children.....i had no idea the different looking people here, i mean, i guess i should of suspected...we're so close to nepal, but honestly, its so bizarre for me, i am seeing nepali and like chinese looking people wearing saris and bhindis....its so crazy, the ethnic backgrounds of people here is so lovely for my eyes..... i love seeing different colours and features of human being from around the world, and darjeeling has such a range, its awesome!
i have also been wearing some serious indian diva gear....i have a suit that most women wear, and 2 saris as well....but i sent one home, with the Tablas that i sent to my brother....they are so lovely, and flowy, its not as practical because well, i feel so elegant wearing a sari, even tho for most women they wear them all the time...but for me it is dressing up really beautifully, and people really enjoy seeing it as well....how often do they get to see a tall bald white woman wearing a sari, i mean, c'mon..... the women here tho...wow....im really enjoying being around women, girls, old women....youth...i made friends with a range of them in Varanasi..this one girl, Niki, 19years old, in college for social work, taught me a bit about the mindset for women who are of marrying-ish age, amnd what that means for women....her family owned a little variety type shop and barber shop, her mom befriended me first when i was having a bit of a yucky feeling day and she gabbed me and fixed my badly tucked sari....but Niki had me over a couple times for food and talking and girl-stuff....she will have an arranged marriage, but she has a good relationship with her family, so i think she will be okay with whomever she ends up with...but that is normal for women in India...this is how your life goes...she said something to me that really stands out...and probably always will...... she said that its like a woman has a birth, or a new beginning 3 times in her life.... 1- when she is born, 2- when she is married, 3-when she has her own baby.....isnt that so interesting.....its like our 3 most important times are our birth, our marriage, and our babies birth....for them its extreme as in when you marry, you move in with your husbands family, so you relaly do have a HUGE change.....but that is considered to be one of our births.....wow.....i can only respect the half billion or so women who live in this culture and that is their reality....
another moment that was a very much woman moment for me happened in my house i lived in, this wonderful family home where 4 generations lived....they were so lovely....the great grandfather (105 years old...oh my gosh, with this amazingly warm big smile....and 105 wow!!), grandfather and grandmother, 22 year daughter and son, and the daughter had a baby Lakshmi, only20 days old whne we arrived , and son has a son shiva.....4 generations of this family, so amazing..... so one day, i was looking over our balcony to see the ganga, and i looked down below to see the grandma massaging the baby....it was so beautiful, it was such a vigourous massage on such a little body....it taught me about health and body and life and body longevity(you know this oh wonderful masseuses in my life!) , it taught me tenderness and love, it taught me woman taking care of baby, and babie's baby, generational love and family love..... it taught me caring for a baby, and the different ways in which that is done from place to place, family to family....it was such a beautiful set of moments, that stands out in my head....and it was a woman moment....
oh my gosh...so many memories i want to tell you about....
Yoga...most of the time that i was in Varanasi i was practicing with a priest of a temple....on the tmple grounds.....every morning (minus a couple) i woke up, and walked over, like 10 mins away, sometimes after a chai...and i learned and i practiced and i really gained so much strength...it was so so so special.... it is a beyond words kinda thang...because yoga is not so much about the words.... he humbled me, he taught me, he taught me to teach myself....he allowed me to explore my practice and also direct it and receive lessons as well.... it was really so special, and he was my first yogi-gi....adding gee to the end of a name sort of adds an element of respect, and i really respected this man....a lot, and he helped me do things i have been working on now for years.... how special to be taking yoga in India....i really really appreciated that....
for me Varanasi was yoga, and the Ganga, and my first moments experiencing Indian culture and foods and language and humanness and animals and culture....it was music and Tablas, so much....one day we went to Sarnath, the place where Buddha did his first sermon, and the way we got there was really lovely, this Sikh man from Punjab drove us and kept us company for the day, hired a guide to help us understand buddhas temple and lessons, taught us many lessons about his culture, took us for dinner....we just shared a really nice day with this man, it was almost reflective of the lessons to learn from Buddha....that day was lessons outside of the Hindu culture....one which was very much what Varanasi is to me....it is soaked, completely rich in Hinduisms ideology, and it was so beautiful to be honest, i was constantly amazed and in awe and really respected these peoples devotion to their gods, their religion, their goddess ganga.... and i really loved and appreciated having the ganga to go to for guidance, for reassurance, for release....there were many times when i went there by myself, and had moments....i would go with flowers i was given or came across....and i would kneel down and i would put my fee in the water, i would talk in my head or out loud, i would think of people or moments or special bits of my life that i want to think about, send hopeful wishes towards.... people whom i wish for, who have lost family, those who are in need of guidance or some sort of extra they need.....it was just a place where i could go and feel any and all emotions that were in my head, my heart, my soul, my mind....my consciousness.....and i would breathe and connect them into the mother ganga....and she would take on some of it, and comfort me all at the same time......this was my feeling for the the goddess....and this is sort of what so many people come to her with and for....it is so lovely....and since people come to her with offerings of their faith and devotion,t hey bring her flowers and candles....and the shoreline is lined with flowers of all different colours and beauty...i honestly felt such a wonderful connection to her, i really did, i am reading a book called 'Sacred Waters' which talks about her sources...in the himalayan foothills, the state of Uttrakhand, or Garwal, and i am really really looking forward to seeing her at the beginning, where the water is cleaner, and more pure, and maybe experiencing her other qualities.....it is also where the Yoga 'capital' of the world is, the same area....so after the warm South of India, which comes next in the plan, i will go up and experience the Ganga again...in northern India..
the last night i went, and there were lotus flowers floating in the water, and i was sitting watching them, and this rainbow bird came, with this long pointy yellow beak, and i honestly couldn't believe it.....i looked at the whole situation, beautiful lotus flower, in ganga, amazing rainbow bird- ALL in front of my face.....wow.....Jin-di-gee.....life....... right in front of me....
so, now Darjeeling, in the mountains, cold, but so pure and grand and vast...we arrived last night and crashed, today went out looking for a place to sleep, came across a spunky little 12year old diva, Diksha, who invited us to her home (of course, people are SO freakin lovely here, we have met so many lovely people who want to share in our company SO much, i feel honoured every time....) for some tea, and then helped us find a nice new home to live in, its also lovely, we will go spend some time with her, all throughout our stay here, her family is really lovely, and she is so cute, she was looking through all my stuff, asking me all kinds of questions about some innnocent things, and some more adult and/or womanly things, that was pretty hilarious for me to have to explain it all...amy and i held in some serious potential akward moments....laughing right through it, i love kids man....so much to learn from them....and we are hoping to see the vastness of the mountains around, do some trekking, go to the zoo.....see the beautiful nature that we got a taste of on our way up here.....the flowers are calling to me to come and see them with my own eyes, i cant wait!! We may be here for my birthday, not sure...December 14 i turn 25...wow.... its hard to believe...im mid 20s now....what will happen this year?...it will start in India, i still cant believe it, its been a few weeks here already.....time....my watch broke....no time again....another good lesson....so i follow the sun....
It is so lovely outside right now...cold, not so sunny, air is so CLEAN (especially compared to the fogginess and garbage and pollution in Delhi and sadly Varanasi as well) kinda foggy, but so amazingly beautiful, i have seen some special landscape in my life, and this is new....many people have said something to me along the way, and i completely agree....and that is....i am so lucky....i am so lucky to be where i am, doing what i am doing....i have seen so many people who really are not so 'lucky' in life....ive been given a ridiculously good hand... that is for sure....so, right now, i will end this for now, and go see the beauty that i am exisiting in right now....
I must say, this trip is teaching me a ton about a ton....travelling with amy is really really special, at times i wonder if i can handle it.... myself really, my strong independance....this is one of my lessons...for sure, a lesson that i need to really be so comfortable with, because the more beauty i feel in families and babies i see, the more my heart really yearns for that part of my life that will come when it is to come...and then i become my family, and i really really appreciate and believe in that...it is so beautiful what people feel for their families...
So, take a moment to appreciate what you have, your families, your fortunities, your life, your freedoms, your strengths....and all of that around you..... i continue to do that for all of you as well....honestly.....so i send my love, and my best hopes for all that you strive for...
namaste....
Sunni
(P.s. to Guy, i thought of your excitement for the steam trains on the toy-train up here to darjeeling, it whistled the whole time up, now that i think of it, it may be why i had a headache at nite, ha ha...but honestly....the train was so amazing, and i had many moments for you and Veda during the journey!)
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
India- november 20, 2008 - processing...
i must say, that i am having a hard time with my words here, or more, im not really wanting to say a lot of them.... which is kinda of ironic, since i am using them right now in speaking to all of you...
but im not vocalizing them, i am still silent......
i guess i don't know what to say..... there is so much happening, that i just stare and then close my eyes and then sleep and then open and just take in so much of so much.....
and then i need to process.....wheeewww......i need more time to process then to intake.... because it is all so rich and dense in what it is....
the sights.... the people, the cows in the streets the packs of dogs fighting till blood, the poo everywhere on the streets, people walking with no shoes, the flowers and the ganga river..... the children- their laughter and their smiles and their 'hello'-es and their asking for rupees, 'whats ur name'?.....their innocense their harhsness..... the intense spirituality, that people live their lives by.....it's what they live for, have all of their faith in....in life, in every nook and cranny of their life.....
the garbage, everywhere, no where to put it BUT on the street, i have been littering because there is no where else to put it BUT on the street....can you believe it? i am forced to litter.....so you learn to reuse where u can...but that's almost impossible, i wish i brought a water filter....
the toilets, squatting, using your hands to wipe, left hand.... i need to not forget.....
chai, every day, many times a day, 3 rupees here in varanasi.... it was 5 in delhi.... like under 10 cents.... i once met a man named yonatan in guatemala from israel, he said you just start off with a coffee.....now its chai....when you just don't know what else to do.....you have a chai, and some direction comes......
im having a hard time processing with another person, my tendency is to go into the music, or the movement, or nature, or my own space.....although amy is so wonderful, and all who know her know exactly what i mean....i have a hard time sharing all of my personal headspace..... but i must learn to...... it is important, and it is a lesson that i learned most clearly in central america, and the lesson is going to be extended now....
i am going to go to my first yoga session today....not exactly what i'm looking for, but its needed, i need to get that flowing here in india, as it has been so much part of my life more on than off in the last 4-5 years, and especially recently before leaving canada.... but later on today i will go to a temple where i can do yoga with a man that a really lovely young man has shown me.... this will be very special....
we are in varanasi, we've been here maybe 4 days or so?! staying in assi ghat....the end ghat i found out today, assi also means 80, there are 80 ghats that line the river ganga that flows down india, it is the holiest river....i am so honoured to be here, and to see what i have seen, and to be invited into these ceremonies that hold so much meaning to so many people....all around the country and the world.... im glad we are staying in the ghat which is representative of the end.....sometimes you need to get to the end, or the bottom, to start over again.....i like cycles..... i like ends and beginnings.....we started the journey arriving in india ON a full moon, i also started mooning (my blood flowing) that day.... so many new beginnings, many new lessons....so many new lessons....wow..... and now i have started at the end again...... totally needed....
i think this is enough for now, not as many details as i sometimes write with.....but this is what i can do for now.... i'm processing....
thank you for listening.....
with love....
sunni
but im not vocalizing them, i am still silent......
i guess i don't know what to say..... there is so much happening, that i just stare and then close my eyes and then sleep and then open and just take in so much of so much.....
and then i need to process.....wheeewww......i need more time to process then to intake.... because it is all so rich and dense in what it is....
the sights.... the people, the cows in the streets the packs of dogs fighting till blood, the poo everywhere on the streets, people walking with no shoes, the flowers and the ganga river..... the children- their laughter and their smiles and their 'hello'-es and their asking for rupees, 'whats ur name'?.....their innocense their harhsness..... the intense spirituality, that people live their lives by.....it's what they live for, have all of their faith in....in life, in every nook and cranny of their life.....
the garbage, everywhere, no where to put it BUT on the street, i have been littering because there is no where else to put it BUT on the street....can you believe it? i am forced to litter.....so you learn to reuse where u can...but that's almost impossible, i wish i brought a water filter....
the toilets, squatting, using your hands to wipe, left hand.... i need to not forget.....
chai, every day, many times a day, 3 rupees here in varanasi.... it was 5 in delhi.... like under 10 cents.... i once met a man named yonatan in guatemala from israel, he said you just start off with a coffee.....now its chai....when you just don't know what else to do.....you have a chai, and some direction comes......
im having a hard time processing with another person, my tendency is to go into the music, or the movement, or nature, or my own space.....although amy is so wonderful, and all who know her know exactly what i mean....i have a hard time sharing all of my personal headspace..... but i must learn to...... it is important, and it is a lesson that i learned most clearly in central america, and the lesson is going to be extended now....
i am going to go to my first yoga session today....not exactly what i'm looking for, but its needed, i need to get that flowing here in india, as it has been so much part of my life more on than off in the last 4-5 years, and especially recently before leaving canada.... but later on today i will go to a temple where i can do yoga with a man that a really lovely young man has shown me.... this will be very special....
we are in varanasi, we've been here maybe 4 days or so?! staying in assi ghat....the end ghat i found out today, assi also means 80, there are 80 ghats that line the river ganga that flows down india, it is the holiest river....i am so honoured to be here, and to see what i have seen, and to be invited into these ceremonies that hold so much meaning to so many people....all around the country and the world.... im glad we are staying in the ghat which is representative of the end.....sometimes you need to get to the end, or the bottom, to start over again.....i like cycles..... i like ends and beginnings.....we started the journey arriving in india ON a full moon, i also started mooning (my blood flowing) that day.... so many new beginnings, many new lessons....so many new lessons....wow..... and now i have started at the end again...... totally needed....
i think this is enough for now, not as many details as i sometimes write with.....but this is what i can do for now.... i'm processing....
thank you for listening.....
with love....
sunni
India- november 26, 2008- Varanasi....the end to the beginning....
Namaste everyone....
thats a little hello....India styles....
I have different ideas about how i'd like to send you this email... and i want to talk to you about Varanasi... where i've been for the past 8 or so days.... but i want to explain it to you in the framework that i feel i've been experiencing everything... with all of my senses...
I will start with what i've been seeing...but i know i'll get side-tracked....because i may be highly conscious with one thought at one moment, and then all of a sudden, im feeling and sensing something completely different the next second....that's how India is to me...and that is how time is as well.....time is a bit warped, and so is reality, and my sensory reaction to all of it...it being everything....
Varanasi....whoooo.....deep breath on that one... sleeping in a families home with extra rooms....dude Hugo beside our room is from france and has been playing Tablas (amazing Indian drums that make noises no other drums can make....like animal sounds and streaming water....) for hours every day since we've gotten here, when we walked into the room the first day, with just sleeping mats on the floor, and then we stepped outside and i saw Hugo with the Tablas, i knew it was where i needed to be...
The ghats line the river Ganga, the goddess river, the river of Shiva, the main god, the creator, and the destroyer... ghats are like sets of steps and platforms in which to access the ganga... the Ganga is the lifeline of India it seems, it starts in the Himalayas, and trickles it's way down to Varanasi.....it is the holy river, it is life.... it washes them, it gives them water, it gives them forgiveness, and hope, and god....it gives them life, it gives them their final death, it is what so many people make their most spiritual treks to in their entire lifetimes....and i am so lucky to get to be a part of it...
today i walked the entire length of the ghats....i have been staying in Assi ghat, the final ghat....and i walked to the beginning today, to Veranu...where the Varuna River joins the lifeline of water..... I saw all the Ghats, i saw so many different everythings....oh my gosh, another big breath there..... i saw Manikarnika Ghat, the ghat where they burn bodies....when they die, their bodies get dipped in the Ganga, to purify them, and to be blessed by the goddess, and to free them of their afterlife.... and they are wrapped in cotton and set on bamboo carriers, they are decorated with sparkling fabrics and incense and sweets and offerings... wood has been weighed out for them to be burned in/on, some wood more expensive then others, like sandalwood....they place the body on the wood, adorn the body with the fabrics....a man then comes, touches the feet of the dead man, with respect... they lit some bundled hay-looking-strands on fire, and walked around the body and let the smoke wash over the body....then they place it under the body, and slowly slowly....the wood starts to burn, and so does the body....all the while they are putting incense and offerings into the fire..... the head slowly becomes blackened....eventually it all turns to ashes..... and then those ashes go back to the creator, to Shiva, to the Ganga...
this is the end of life that people in India come to Varanasi for....to die, and to go back to where they came from.... today i started at the end....and went to the beginning....Assi to Varuna.....another deep breath there.....so much here...
ive been doing yoga, i did yoga 5 days in a row here, with 2 different teachers, the one closeby is at a temple, practiced outside in the wind....and eventually bright sun...it starts shortly after the day starts, i guess around 7...and by the end the sun is bright...i have learned many new bits....and am so thankful i have come across this...
amy and i have been introduced and shown many things by these 2 brothers who own a shop here... they told me about this yogi man, he doesn't advertise...you find your way to him....
one day Papu (the brother i hang out with more) took me via motorcycle (first time!!) to the university here, the biggest university in Asia, and 3rd biggest in the world apparently... Banaras Hindu Universiy... the grounds are so beautiful... we went to the temple first, and then to the museum which was awesome! the highlights for me were firstly the art... i am trying really hard to get my mind around understanding Hinduism and all of it's gods and mythical stories and beliefs... and seeing the art, and it's different images of women and gods and themes jumping out of all of it at least gave me more to work with...
i'll write more when i know more... but it is huge, and so beyond me... so i'll leave that till sometime... and then we saw sculptures and coins and weaponry and historical displays... so much stuff, and so enjoyable....not what i always do- museums... but so wonderful... my most inspiratonal phrase came to me this day, and it is what is guiding me and comforting me in this overwhelmingly mind and existence opening time right now in my life...
You must follow that which leads you...
wheeeeww.....really needing to breathe... it is also what helps me to go through all of this...
i met a little boy... Suria... the sun... he made me laugh the most yesterday....the most i've laughed since being here... a lovely little boy... he was with us all day... like a little protector... he took us to his home later on after we went to Puja (respect- the ceremony at the end of the day that takes place at many ghats... with prayers and singing and many bells and sometimes instruments... smoke and the beloved conch shell... and flowers, and glowing candles paying respect to the goddess and your family and wishes floating along down the Ganga... placing faith that the Goddess Ganga will listen and help)... and we met his whole family 3 sisters and mother and father and 3 cows....they gave us Bindhis (the beautiful 3rd eye jewels) and a red line symbolic of paying puja or going to temple, and a bracelet of red string around our wrists...which i have yet to find out exactly what it means... but am thankful to have received.... and they gave us tea and when they asked about my mom, and i said she was dead, they said that suria's mom would be my new mother, and now Suria and his sisters are my brothers and sisters too... so lovely these human beings... and there are so many like them... there have been so many moments like this... so many welcomings and love offerings from these kind souls, that i cannot even start listing them... because it would go on and on... older ladies who just hold on to your hand and smile and laugh at you... even though you both have no idea what you're saying to eachother... children who just smile at you and hold your hands and touch you...
they call me Tokali, just like Pelona in spanish... bald lady... hilarious... everywhere around the world... i learn the language of bald... that is another topic altogether... i am excited for the south, many women shave their heads there, it will be so interesting for me to be in that culture...
i'm not sure what is happening next....changes will happen soon, there are ideas...
but i am going to go... time for Puja... I went one morning...it was still dark, but i felt like i had to go to the Ganga, i guess she was calling me... the ceremony wasn't even set up yet, it must have been 4 am... i sat and waited and watched the women and men go to the ganga and pray and cleanse... it was so cold, i was wearing my hat and sweater... and they were performing one of their most important rituals of their life... how lucky i am to be here...
and so it is time again...
i would love to talk to you about all of my woman ideas... so many thoughts surrounding woman and modesty and dress and beauty and oppression and women's roles here...
and i would love to talk to you about the animals... the sad state the dogs are in, their fierceness... the enormous cows and buffaloes that roam the Ganga and roads everywhere... the goats sometimes dressed in clothing that talk and jump and run... the monkeys that i saw today that were captive, and bullied... the 7 puppies by the ganga today that were scared of me... why?... i would love to talk to you about the dirtiness of everything, with the beautiful cleansing rituals that are equally prominent here... all of these things....so many opposites... so much yin and yang... so connected, so different... the cyclical rituals that are the basis of life here... the balance in the ridiculously imbalance of it all...
the sound of the conch shell that captures your breath as it helps you breathe...
wheeeew... deep breath...
i've been wishing for all of you, and everything real in life with the ringing of bells entering temples, and the throwing of flowers and lighting of candles into the Ganga... ill wish for more goodness tonight...
with love....Namaste...
sunni
thats a little hello....India styles....
I have different ideas about how i'd like to send you this email... and i want to talk to you about Varanasi... where i've been for the past 8 or so days.... but i want to explain it to you in the framework that i feel i've been experiencing everything... with all of my senses...
I will start with what i've been seeing...but i know i'll get side-tracked....because i may be highly conscious with one thought at one moment, and then all of a sudden, im feeling and sensing something completely different the next second....that's how India is to me...and that is how time is as well.....time is a bit warped, and so is reality, and my sensory reaction to all of it...it being everything....
Varanasi....whoooo.....deep breath on that one... sleeping in a families home with extra rooms....dude Hugo beside our room is from france and has been playing Tablas (amazing Indian drums that make noises no other drums can make....like animal sounds and streaming water....) for hours every day since we've gotten here, when we walked into the room the first day, with just sleeping mats on the floor, and then we stepped outside and i saw Hugo with the Tablas, i knew it was where i needed to be...
The ghats line the river Ganga, the goddess river, the river of Shiva, the main god, the creator, and the destroyer... ghats are like sets of steps and platforms in which to access the ganga... the Ganga is the lifeline of India it seems, it starts in the Himalayas, and trickles it's way down to Varanasi.....it is the holy river, it is life.... it washes them, it gives them water, it gives them forgiveness, and hope, and god....it gives them life, it gives them their final death, it is what so many people make their most spiritual treks to in their entire lifetimes....and i am so lucky to get to be a part of it...
today i walked the entire length of the ghats....i have been staying in Assi ghat, the final ghat....and i walked to the beginning today, to Veranu...where the Varuna River joins the lifeline of water..... I saw all the Ghats, i saw so many different everythings....oh my gosh, another big breath there..... i saw Manikarnika Ghat, the ghat where they burn bodies....when they die, their bodies get dipped in the Ganga, to purify them, and to be blessed by the goddess, and to free them of their afterlife.... and they are wrapped in cotton and set on bamboo carriers, they are decorated with sparkling fabrics and incense and sweets and offerings... wood has been weighed out for them to be burned in/on, some wood more expensive then others, like sandalwood....they place the body on the wood, adorn the body with the fabrics....a man then comes, touches the feet of the dead man, with respect... they lit some bundled hay-looking-strands on fire, and walked around the body and let the smoke wash over the body....then they place it under the body, and slowly slowly....the wood starts to burn, and so does the body....all the while they are putting incense and offerings into the fire..... the head slowly becomes blackened....eventually it all turns to ashes..... and then those ashes go back to the creator, to Shiva, to the Ganga...
this is the end of life that people in India come to Varanasi for....to die, and to go back to where they came from.... today i started at the end....and went to the beginning....Assi to Varuna.....another deep breath there.....so much here...
ive been doing yoga, i did yoga 5 days in a row here, with 2 different teachers, the one closeby is at a temple, practiced outside in the wind....and eventually bright sun...it starts shortly after the day starts, i guess around 7...and by the end the sun is bright...i have learned many new bits....and am so thankful i have come across this...
amy and i have been introduced and shown many things by these 2 brothers who own a shop here... they told me about this yogi man, he doesn't advertise...you find your way to him....
one day Papu (the brother i hang out with more) took me via motorcycle (first time!!) to the university here, the biggest university in Asia, and 3rd biggest in the world apparently... Banaras Hindu Universiy... the grounds are so beautiful... we went to the temple first, and then to the museum which was awesome! the highlights for me were firstly the art... i am trying really hard to get my mind around understanding Hinduism and all of it's gods and mythical stories and beliefs... and seeing the art, and it's different images of women and gods and themes jumping out of all of it at least gave me more to work with...
i'll write more when i know more... but it is huge, and so beyond me... so i'll leave that till sometime... and then we saw sculptures and coins and weaponry and historical displays... so much stuff, and so enjoyable....not what i always do- museums... but so wonderful... my most inspiratonal phrase came to me this day, and it is what is guiding me and comforting me in this overwhelmingly mind and existence opening time right now in my life...
You must follow that which leads you...
wheeeeww.....really needing to breathe... it is also what helps me to go through all of this...
i met a little boy... Suria... the sun... he made me laugh the most yesterday....the most i've laughed since being here... a lovely little boy... he was with us all day... like a little protector... he took us to his home later on after we went to Puja (respect- the ceremony at the end of the day that takes place at many ghats... with prayers and singing and many bells and sometimes instruments... smoke and the beloved conch shell... and flowers, and glowing candles paying respect to the goddess and your family and wishes floating along down the Ganga... placing faith that the Goddess Ganga will listen and help)... and we met his whole family 3 sisters and mother and father and 3 cows....they gave us Bindhis (the beautiful 3rd eye jewels) and a red line symbolic of paying puja or going to temple, and a bracelet of red string around our wrists...which i have yet to find out exactly what it means... but am thankful to have received.... and they gave us tea and when they asked about my mom, and i said she was dead, they said that suria's mom would be my new mother, and now Suria and his sisters are my brothers and sisters too... so lovely these human beings... and there are so many like them... there have been so many moments like this... so many welcomings and love offerings from these kind souls, that i cannot even start listing them... because it would go on and on... older ladies who just hold on to your hand and smile and laugh at you... even though you both have no idea what you're saying to eachother... children who just smile at you and hold your hands and touch you...
they call me Tokali, just like Pelona in spanish... bald lady... hilarious... everywhere around the world... i learn the language of bald... that is another topic altogether... i am excited for the south, many women shave their heads there, it will be so interesting for me to be in that culture...
i'm not sure what is happening next....changes will happen soon, there are ideas...
but i am going to go... time for Puja... I went one morning...it was still dark, but i felt like i had to go to the Ganga, i guess she was calling me... the ceremony wasn't even set up yet, it must have been 4 am... i sat and waited and watched the women and men go to the ganga and pray and cleanse... it was so cold, i was wearing my hat and sweater... and they were performing one of their most important rituals of their life... how lucky i am to be here...
and so it is time again...
i would love to talk to you about all of my woman ideas... so many thoughts surrounding woman and modesty and dress and beauty and oppression and women's roles here...
and i would love to talk to you about the animals... the sad state the dogs are in, their fierceness... the enormous cows and buffaloes that roam the Ganga and roads everywhere... the goats sometimes dressed in clothing that talk and jump and run... the monkeys that i saw today that were captive, and bullied... the 7 puppies by the ganga today that were scared of me... why?... i would love to talk to you about the dirtiness of everything, with the beautiful cleansing rituals that are equally prominent here... all of these things....so many opposites... so much yin and yang... so connected, so different... the cyclical rituals that are the basis of life here... the balance in the ridiculously imbalance of it all...
the sound of the conch shell that captures your breath as it helps you breathe...
wheeeew... deep breath...
i've been wishing for all of you, and everything real in life with the ringing of bells entering temples, and the throwing of flowers and lighting of candles into the Ganga... ill wish for more goodness tonight...
with love....Namaste...
sunni
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About Me
- Sunni Rainbow Justice
- i am a woman from the mama earth.... alive and flowing like her waters..... exploring, learning, sharing, living... and i love to express thru words and hula dancing and yoga.
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