i cry...
i cried.
a lot...
i was with my lover, whom i love sincerely and deeply,
i do.
we were sharing love...
i had been feeling the tears coming for days.
i love when i feel so emotional, i love the feeling that something touches me so deeply that i overflow,
like a cup... filled up to the tip top...
and a tear spills over.
this is common for me... to feel one tear come out.
that always makes me smile, thankful for my ability to feel, and express it, in release.
one tear, drips out... releasing.
i had been feeling a deeper need to release though... for not one, but many, identifiable and un-identifiable reasons.
time, stories, feelings, pains, hurts, emotions... friends, love, life...
all of this i feel...
and i work much of it out, through my healing and personal care-taking releases...
but it accumulates too.
I am a human, and i do what i can to take care, and be open simultaneously.
i hear many stories from my fellow creatures, and some of it is really heavy, and pain-full.
the deep thoughts, inside feelings... i intend to be able to reflect those back to people i spend time with... so they can take care of themselves too.
we all have feelings deep inside...
some so exquisitely beautiful... sacred, awe-inspiring, breathtaking...
those moments when that one tear drops...
because it is so beautiful.
that moment.
that vision, sensation... we feel.
some so deeply sad... why?
why, we ask.
why is this truth SO.
it hurts... i feel it.
it can be how we harm the earth.
and know we are doing it.
it can be harming another.
and know we are doing it.
it can be losing a baby, inside us...
and know we have to wait for nature to take it's course...
it can be someone dying.... dead.
and needing to deal with ALL of that.
and it can be the feeling of being alone...
just alone...
no one who understands... who we can talk to about it.
so we come to the ground, we come to the bottom...
to the roots.
where we can lay, and let the earth envelope us...
let her draw out what we need to release.
i share love.
as much as possible.
i was with my lover, and i felt all these sensations.... within me...
' for not one, but many, identifiable and un-identifiable reasons.'
it was beautiful...
and then the tears started...
and they came...
and he held me...
he held me tight... and i felt like i could just release it all...
completely overflowed...
like the rain coming down....
just falling, and falling... and falling...
breathing heavy... sniffling, and crying, and breathing...
i felt safe to release...
in love.
i really give thanks.
as time goes on, i have one-tear-cries perhaps daily....
i am regularly touched so fully that a tear overflows....
rarely, like this.
to cry so deeply, so thoroughly...
is only handful a year.
A practice that i want to finish this writing expression with, is a lesson i have integrated from Buddhism.
A Dedication of it's Merit.
When something meaningful and virtuous such as this true experience of goodness occurs, you dedicate it onwards... towards the betterment of others.
For me to release, it feels as though space has opened up to continue along... doing what i do.
And so I step away from myself for these final moments...
and I dedicate the beautiful sacred merit of this Truth towards the magical perfection of the earth lifeforce.
Pachamama.
And ALL her sacred creatures within.
re-embracing her Beautiful Harmonious Perfection.
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