i am now over 7 months in, deep in mama-hood to my twins... montana and yemaya!
the winter holidays have just finished, it is january 3rd and everyone goes back to work and school and regular functioning society tomorrow.
Over these recent days, i have had many visitors. I have gotten to reconnect with many great friends that are too busy to REGULARLY make the journey out to our now no-longer downtown-central home, but 30 minutes trek east of downtown home ;)
These visits from friends, and my thorough enjoyment has prompted me to write this moment.
what i have realized more so now with babies... is that good friends, in SEEING you, and what your present life is... sort of legitimizes, actualizes, gives FORM and TRUTH to your day-to-day reality.
My babies are over 7 months now, and they are crawling, and have teeth, and are growing more :) They are eating, and making sounds that sound like words, or the beginnings of words... daa daaa, maaa maaa....
Day in and day out... i wake, and go to sleep with these 2 small humyns.
I am absolutely caught up with their every single set of flowing movements.
I am no longer JUST sunni (though i AM too!)... but i am more like Sunni + Montana + Yemaya.
I have left home many times, as Terell is a wonderful working partner, that recognizes that when i say i need to go out... i do...
But it still is rare that i really leave and go out for extended periods... but i do, on average once a week. Sometimes to do a short delicious yoga class and grocery shop (solo!)... sometimes to have a couple drinks and dance with some friends :)
For the most part, i am a trio... my little trio crew <3 div="">
So i sort of have lost a bit of my sense of independence... and also do not see the significance of what is happening here- the shocking rate at which these babies that it feels like SO recently emerged from my body (i still cannot believe it!!!), are CHANGING and growing.
They are blossoming...
like a swollen flower they come into this world...
fully, completely THEM... their personalities and souls, contained in that beautiful form...fresh from mama's body, fresh out of womyn's body...
of creation.
And they eventually... with ALL the care and love we can fathom, as parent's... as mothers... and it's hard for us mamas after delivery and labour... to gather up energy...
but we absolutely find it. these are our babies <3 div="">
Over hours, and days, and weeks and months... the babies personalities and beautiful special quirks blossom, unfold, emerge... they are there all along, right from the very beginning... i know this now, after this beautiful becoming of a parent... but we ALL begin this physical expression of a lifetime complete- as our WHOLE personality...
the petals loosen... the flower opens.
there are layers and layers... pretty beautiful abundant layers of beautiful petals... full and lush and gentle.
babies are like that... i guess that adults must be like that too... they are... because we humyns were born that way.
I am full time simply watching and honoring and enjoying their blooming blossoming unfoldings... watching... my little boy and girl... become their older embodied version of themselves... growing every moment.
I am not going to say they are growing wiser... as i think we talk like that, but the truth is, they are born with TRUE wisdom... just because they learn how to 'walk' and 'talk', does not make one WISE...
they were born looking in our eyes... being ONE with their natural self.
i think they were, and humyns are, BORN wise... natural.
its beautiful to watch them unfold... see what our teachings, and the teachings of this OUTER world will do to them...
When i get to share time and space... good quality time and space... with friends and family... when they get to cuddle and smile and play and laugh... giggle, and bounce... do all the things that my babies invite us big folks to do, when faced with babies... THEN i get to see my babies in a different sort of CLARITY.
I see how they are shy sometimes, and super giggly others... i see how they cuddle and nook in with some friends and family... and how their gentleness and silliness makes these adults feel full-hearted.
Terell and i are truly doing the BULK of raising these 2 creatures i love... truthfully, and this point in time... our communities are not exactly raising our children.... the village is not exactly closeby or super-intere-connected... Alas, this is our destiny and karma, these 2 babies jumped into my body together, a sweet little sneaky surprise... they chose to come together, embodied in this existence.
It also is our culture and society... villages are NOT raising children... we are all too split up, and focused on ourselves... even i am, we are... just trying to raise our babies happy and healthy at this point.
So when our close friends and family come by... and they play, and cuddle... and see what we have done... when they empathize with me for moments... understand what my FULL-time has been for the past 7+ months...l feel SO proud of us ALL...
for how awesome-special-beautiful-smart-inquisitive my lovely twin baby boy and girl are (i am SO biased!!!)... and for how Terell and i have done as parents so far...
and ultimately, proud of MYSELF. for doing it... for taking the leap, and becoming the mama i dreamt of being for years... knowing i could do it- the whole package- pregnancy, birthing, and the biggest... RAISING them... and i love it, i love them <3 div="">
and i thank all my friends, and family, and people who have stopped and offered POSITIVE words of wisdom for me along the way...or people who have just smiled at me... all the old ladies who peek into my stroller, and ask 'twins?' with a smile and cute look of shock... and i say 'yes' with a smile back! I thank those people for in those moments, honouring and acknowledging the challenging miracle it is to have babies and especially to have MULTIPLE babies at once :)
These people all help ME to see what i am so involved in, and cannot always see.
Me as a mama, and my babies <3 div="">
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