India- December 6, 2008- up to the mountains....In Darjeeling!!

Namaste me amigos!!!

whats goin on?? how are you all doing in your different lands?? i hope really good...life continues...with good changes if you wish..... i know very well that it is not always easy at all...but my mom once wrote to me that it is inevitable that changes occur, it is up to you whether they are plus or minus..... i figure life inevitably contues to flow....and we must flow like water with it....flow our way around those obstacles, and have faith that we will just continue to flow as well....

so, we are now in darjeeling, up in the mountains, far away from terrorists (im just tossing that one in for all of you wonderfully concerned friends.....), not that im too concerned, i mean, i do not want to die clearly, but im not necessarily going to go right into the middle of it....so, alas, i am here, in beautiful chilly mountains in Darjeeling, the 'Queen of the HIlls' another land of the Diva....mother earth, i tell you! I t took a couple days to get here from varanasi, a long and packed and scrunchy train ride, and an AMAZING 'toy-train' ride up to the top, through mountains and flowers and treees of every kind, i saw roses and orchids and hibiscus flowers and mums, and bjillions of these yellow mini-sunflowers, and greenery ranging from tea plantations to pine trees to bamboo to palm trees.....heaps and heaps of happy playful butterflies, baby little waterfalls and springs, and so many waving smiling rosy cheeked children.....i had no idea the different looking people here, i mean, i guess i should of suspected...we're so close to nepal, but honestly, its so bizarre for me, i am seeing nepali and like chinese looking people wearing saris and bhindis....its so crazy, the ethnic backgrounds of people here is so lovely for my eyes..... i love seeing different colours and features of human being from around the world, and darjeeling has such a range, its awesome!

i have also been wearing some serious indian diva gear....i have a suit that most women wear, and 2 saris as well....but i sent one home, with the Tablas that i sent to my brother....they are so lovely, and flowy, its not as practical because well, i feel so elegant wearing a sari, even tho for most women they wear them all the time...but for me it is dressing up really beautifully, and people really enjoy seeing it as well....how often do they get to see a tall bald white woman wearing a sari, i mean, c'mon..... the women here tho...wow....im really enjoying being around women, girls, old women....youth...i made friends with a range of them in Varanasi..this one girl, Niki, 19years old, in college for social work, taught me a bit about the mindset for women who are of marrying-ish age, amnd what that means for women....her family owned a little variety type shop and barber shop, her mom befriended me first when i was having a bit of a yucky feeling day and she gabbed me and fixed my badly tucked sari....but Niki had me over a couple times for food and talking and girl-stuff....she will have an arranged marriage, but she has a good relationship with her family, so i think she will be okay with whomever she ends up with...but that is normal for women in India...this is how your life goes...she said something to me that really stands out...and probably always will...... she said that its like a woman has a birth, or a new beginning 3 times in her life.... 1- when she is born, 2- when she is married, 3-when she has her own baby.....isnt that so interesting.....its like our 3 most important times are our birth, our marriage, and our babies birth....for them its extreme as in when you marry, you move in with your husbands family, so you relaly do have a HUGE change.....but that is considered to be one of our births.....wow.....i can only respect the half billion or so women who live in this culture and that is their reality....

another moment that was a very much woman moment for me happened in my house i lived in, this wonderful family home where 4 generations lived....they were so lovely....the great grandfather (105 years old...oh my gosh, with this amazingly warm big smile....and 105 wow!!), grandfather and grandmother, 22 year daughter and son, and the daughter had a baby Lakshmi, only20 days old whne we arrived , and son has a son shiva.....4 generations of this family, so amazing..... so one day, i was looking over our balcony to see the ganga, and i looked down below to see the grandma massaging the baby....it was so beautiful, it was such a vigourous massage on such a little body....it taught me about health and body and life and body longevity(you know this oh wonderful masseuses in my life!) , it taught me tenderness and love, it taught me woman taking care of baby, and babie's baby, generational love and family love..... it taught me caring for a baby, and the different ways in which that is done from place to place, family to family....it was such a beautiful set of moments, that stands out in my head....and it was a woman moment....

oh my gosh...so many memories i want to tell you about....

Yoga...most of the time that i was in Varanasi i was practicing with a priest of a temple....on the tmple grounds.....every morning (minus a couple) i woke up, and walked over, like 10 mins away, sometimes after a chai...and i learned and i practiced and i really gained so much strength...it was so so so special.... it is a beyond words kinda thang...because yoga is not so much about the words.... he humbled me, he taught me, he taught me to teach myself....he allowed me to explore my practice and also direct it and receive lessons as well.... it was really so special, and he was my first yogi-gi....adding gee to the end of a name sort of adds an element of respect, and i really respected this man....a lot, and he helped me do things i have been working on now for years.... how special to be taking yoga in India....i really really appreciated that....

for me Varanasi was yoga, and the Ganga, and my first moments experiencing Indian culture and foods and language and humanness and animals and culture....it was music and Tablas, so much....one day we went to Sarnath, the place where Buddha did his first sermon, and the way we got there was really lovely, this Sikh man from Punjab drove us and kept us company for the day, hired a guide to help us understand buddhas temple and lessons, taught us many lessons about his culture, took us for dinner....we just shared a really nice day with this man, it was almost reflective of the lessons to learn from Buddha....that day was lessons outside of the Hindu culture....one which was very much what Varanasi is to me....it is soaked, completely rich in Hinduisms ideology, and it was so beautiful to be honest, i was constantly amazed and in awe and really respected these peoples devotion to their gods, their religion, their goddess ganga.... and i really loved and appreciated having the ganga to go to for guidance, for reassurance, for release....there were many times when i went there by myself, and had moments....i would go with flowers i was given or came across....and i would kneel down and i would put my fee in the water, i would talk in my head or out loud, i would think of people or moments or special bits of my life that i want to think about, send hopeful wishes towards.... people whom i wish for, who have lost family, those who are in need of guidance or some sort of extra they need.....it was just a place where i could go and feel any and all emotions that were in my head, my heart, my soul, my mind....my consciousness.....and i would breathe and connect them into the mother ganga....and she would take on some of it, and comfort me all at the same time......this was my feeling for the the goddess....and this is sort of what so many people come to her with and for....it is so lovely....and since people come to her with offerings of their faith and devotion,t hey bring her flowers and candles....and the shoreline is lined with flowers of all different colours and beauty...i honestly felt such a wonderful connection to her, i really did, i am reading a book called 'Sacred Waters' which talks about her sources...in the himalayan foothills, the state of Uttrakhand, or Garwal, and i am really really looking forward to seeing her at the beginning, where the water is cleaner, and more pure, and maybe experiencing her other qualities.....it is also where the Yoga 'capital' of the world is, the same area....so after the warm South of India, which comes next in the plan, i will go up and experience the Ganga again...in northern India..

the last night i went, and there were lotus flowers floating in the water, and i was sitting watching them, and this rainbow bird came, with this long pointy yellow beak, and i honestly couldn't believe it.....i looked at the whole situation, beautiful lotus flower, in ganga, amazing rainbow bird- ALL in front of my face.....wow.....Jin-di-gee.....life....... right in front of me....

so, now Darjeeling, in the mountains, cold, but so pure and grand and vast...we arrived last night and crashed, today went out looking for a place to sleep, came across a spunky little 12year old diva, Diksha, who invited us to her home (of course, people are SO freakin lovely here, we have met so many lovely people who want to share in our company SO much, i feel honoured every time....) for some tea, and then helped us find a nice new home to live in, its also lovely, we will go spend some time with her, all throughout our stay here, her family is really lovely, and she is so cute, she was looking through all my stuff, asking me all kinds of questions about some innnocent things, and some more adult and/or womanly things, that was pretty hilarious for me to have to explain it all...amy and i held in some serious potential akward moments....laughing right through it, i love kids man....so much to learn from them....and we are hoping to see the vastness of the mountains around, do some trekking, go to the zoo.....see the beautiful nature that we got a taste of on our way up here.....the flowers are calling to me to come and see them with my own eyes, i cant wait!! We may be here for my birthday, not sure...December 14 i turn 25...wow.... its hard to believe...im mid 20s now....what will happen this year?...it will start in India, i still cant believe it, its been a few weeks here already.....time....my watch broke....no time again....another good lesson....so i follow the sun....

It is so lovely outside right now...cold, not so sunny, air is so CLEAN (especially compared to the fogginess and garbage and pollution in Delhi and sadly Varanasi as well) kinda foggy, but so amazingly beautiful, i have seen some special landscape in my life, and this is new....many people have said something to me along the way, and i completely agree....and that is....i am so lucky....i am so lucky to be where i am, doing what i am doing....i have seen so many people who really are not so 'lucky' in life....ive been given a ridiculously good hand... that is for sure....so, right now, i will end this for now, and go see the beauty that i am exisiting in right now....

I must say, this trip is teaching me a ton about a ton....travelling with amy is really really special, at times i wonder if i can handle it.... myself really, my strong independance....this is one of my lessons...for sure, a lesson that i need to really be so comfortable with, because the more beauty i feel in families and babies i see, the more my heart really yearns for that part of my life that will come when it is to come...and then i become my family, and i really really appreciate and believe in that...it is so beautiful what people feel for their families...

So, take a moment to appreciate what you have, your families, your fortunities, your life, your freedoms, your strengths....and all of that around you..... i continue to do that for all of you as well....honestly.....so i send my love, and my best hopes for all that you strive for...

namaste....

Sunni

(P.s. to Guy, i thought of your excitement for the steam trains on the toy-train up here to darjeeling, it whistled the whole time up, now that i think of it, it may be why i had a headache at nite, ha ha...but honestly....the train was so amazing, and i had many moments for you and Veda during the journey!)

i must say, that i am having a hard time with my words here, or more, im not really wanting to say a lot of them.... which is kinda of ironic, since i am using them right now in speaking to all of you...

but im not vocalizing them, i am still silent......

i guess i don't know what to say..... there is so much happening, that i just stare and then close my eyes and then sleep and then open and just take in so much of so much.....

and then i need to process.....wheeewww......i need more time to process then to intake.... because it is all so rich and dense in what it is....

the sights.... the people, the cows in the streets the packs of dogs fighting till blood, the poo everywhere on the streets, people walking with no shoes, the flowers and the ganga river..... the children- their laughter and their smiles and their 'hello'-es and their asking for rupees, 'whats ur name'?.....their innocense their harhsness..... the intense spirituality, that people live their lives by.....it's what they live for, have all of their faith in....in life, in every nook and cranny of their life.....

the garbage, everywhere, no where to put it BUT on the street, i have been littering because there is no where else to put it BUT on the street....can you believe it? i am forced to litter.....so you learn to reuse where u can...but that's almost impossible, i wish i brought a water filter....

the toilets, squatting, using your hands to wipe, left hand.... i need to not forget.....

chai, every day, many times a day, 3 rupees here in varanasi.... it was 5 in delhi.... like under 10 cents.... i once met a man named yonatan in guatemala from israel, he said you just start off with a coffee.....now its chai....when you just don't know what else to do.....you have a chai, and some direction comes......

im having a hard time processing with another person, my tendency is to go into the music, or the movement, or nature, or my own space.....although amy is so wonderful, and all who know her know exactly what i mean....i have a hard time sharing all of my personal headspace..... but i must learn to...... it is important, and it is a lesson that i learned most clearly in central america, and the lesson is going to be extended now....

i am going to go to my first yoga session today....not exactly what i'm looking for, but its needed, i need to get that flowing here in india, as it has been so much part of my life more on than off in the last 4-5 years, and especially recently before leaving canada.... but later on today i will go to a temple where i can do yoga with a man that a really lovely young man has shown me.... this will be very special....

we are in varanasi, we've been here maybe 4 days or so?! staying in assi ghat....the end ghat i found out today, assi also means 80, there are 80 ghats that line the river ganga that flows down india, it is the holiest river....i am so honoured to be here, and to see what i have seen, and to be invited into these ceremonies that hold so much meaning to so many people....all around the country and the world.... im glad we are staying in the ghat which is representative of the end.....sometimes you need to get to the end, or the bottom, to start over again.....i like cycles..... i like ends and beginnings.....we started the journey arriving in india ON a full moon, i also started mooning (my blood flowing) that day.... so many new beginnings, many new lessons....so many new lessons....wow..... and now i have started at the end again...... totally needed....

i think this is enough for now, not as many details as i sometimes write with.....but this is what i can do for now.... i'm processing....

thank you for listening.....

with love....

sunni

India- november 26, 2008- Varanasi....the end to the beginning....

Namaste everyone....

thats a little hello....India styles....

I have different ideas about how i'd like to send you this email... and i want to talk to you about Varanasi... where i've been for the past 8 or so days.... but i want to explain it to you in the framework that i feel i've been experiencing everything... with all of my senses...

I will start with what i've been seeing...but i know i'll get side-tracked....because i may be highly conscious with one thought at one moment, and then all of a sudden, im feeling and sensing something completely different the next second....that's how India is to me...and that is how time is as well.....time is a bit warped, and so is reality, and my sensory reaction to all of it...it being everything....

Varanasi....whoooo.....deep breath on that one... sleeping in a families home with extra rooms....dude Hugo beside our room is from france and has been playing Tablas (amazing Indian drums that make noises no other drums can make....like animal sounds and streaming water....) for hours every day since we've gotten here, when we walked into the room the first day, with just sleeping mats on the floor, and then we stepped outside and i saw Hugo with the Tablas, i knew it was where i needed to be...

The ghats line the river Ganga, the goddess river, the river of Shiva, the main god, the creator, and the destroyer... ghats are like sets of steps and platforms in which to access the ganga... the Ganga is the lifeline of India it seems, it starts in the Himalayas, and trickles it's way down to Varanasi.....it is the holy river, it is life.... it washes them, it gives them water, it gives them forgiveness, and hope, and god....it gives them life, it gives them their final death, it is what so many people make their most spiritual treks to in their entire lifetimes....and i am so lucky to get to be a part of it...

today i walked the entire length of the ghats....i have been staying in Assi ghat, the final ghat....and i walked to the beginning today, to Veranu...where the Varuna River joins the lifeline of water..... I saw all the Ghats, i saw so many different everythings....oh my gosh, another big breath there..... i saw Manikarnika Ghat, the ghat where they burn bodies....when they die, their bodies get dipped in the Ganga, to purify them, and to be blessed by the goddess, and to free them of their afterlife.... and they are wrapped in cotton and set on bamboo carriers, they are decorated with sparkling fabrics and incense and sweets and offerings... wood has been weighed out for them to be burned in/on, some wood more expensive then others, like sandalwood....they place the body on the wood, adorn the body with the fabrics....a man then comes, touches the feet of the dead man, with respect... they lit some bundled hay-looking-strands on fire, and walked around the body and let the smoke wash over the body....then they place it under the body, and slowly slowly....the wood starts to burn, and so does the body....all the while they are putting incense and offerings into the fire..... the head slowly becomes blackened....eventually it all turns to ashes..... and then those ashes go back to the creator, to Shiva, to the Ganga...

this is the end of life that people in India come to Varanasi for....to die, and to go back to where they came from.... today i started at the end....and went to the beginning....Assi to Varuna.....another deep breath there.....so much here...

ive been doing yoga, i did yoga 5 days in a row here, with 2 different teachers, the one closeby is at a temple, practiced outside in the wind....and eventually bright sun...it starts shortly after the day starts, i guess around 7...and by the end the sun is bright...i have learned many new bits....and am so thankful i have come across this...

amy and i have been introduced and shown many things by these 2 brothers who own a shop here... they told me about this yogi man, he doesn't advertise...you find your way to him....

one day Papu (the brother i hang out with more) took me via motorcycle (first time!!) to the university here, the biggest university in Asia, and 3rd biggest in the world apparently... Banaras Hindu Universiy... the grounds are so beautiful... we went to the temple first, and then to the museum which was awesome! the highlights for me were firstly the art... i am trying really hard to get my mind around understanding Hinduism and all of it's gods and mythical stories and beliefs... and seeing the art, and it's different images of women and gods and themes jumping out of all of it at least gave me more to work with...

i'll write more when i know more... but it is huge, and so beyond me... so i'll leave that till sometime... and then we saw sculptures and coins and weaponry and historical displays... so much stuff, and so enjoyable....not what i always do- museums... but so wonderful... my most inspiratonal phrase came to me this day, and it is what is guiding me and comforting me in this overwhelmingly mind and existence opening time right now in my life...

You must follow that which leads you...

wheeeeww.....really needing to breathe... it is also what helps me to go through all of this...

i met a little boy... Suria... the sun... he made me laugh the most yesterday....the most i've laughed since being here... a lovely little boy... he was with us all day... like a little protector... he took us to his home later on after we went to Puja (respect- the ceremony at the end of the day that takes place at many ghats... with prayers and singing and many bells and sometimes instruments... smoke and the beloved conch shell... and flowers, and glowing candles paying respect to the goddess and your family and wishes floating along down the Ganga... placing faith that the Goddess Ganga will listen and help)... and we met his whole family 3 sisters and mother and father and 3 cows....they gave us Bindhis (the beautiful 3rd eye jewels) and a red line symbolic of paying puja or going to temple, and a bracelet of red string around our wrists...which i have yet to find out exactly what it means... but am thankful to have received.... and they gave us tea and when they asked about my mom, and i said she was dead, they said that suria's mom would be my new mother, and now Suria and his sisters are my brothers and sisters too... so lovely these human beings... and there are so many like them... there have been so many moments like this... so many welcomings and love offerings from these kind souls, that i cannot even start listing them... because it would go on and on... older ladies who just hold on to your hand and smile and laugh at you... even though you both have no idea what you're saying to eachother... children who just smile at you and hold your hands and touch you...

they call me Tokali, just like Pelona in spanish... bald lady... hilarious... everywhere around the world... i learn the language of bald... that is another topic altogether... i am excited for the south, many women shave their heads there, it will be so interesting for me to be in that culture...

i'm not sure what is happening next....changes will happen soon, there are ideas...

but i am going to go... time for Puja... I went one morning...it was still dark, but i felt like i had to go to the Ganga, i guess she was calling me... the ceremony wasn't even set up yet, it must have been 4 am... i sat and waited and watched the women and men go to the ganga and pray and cleanse... it was so cold, i was wearing my hat and sweater... and they were performing one of their most important rituals of their life... how lucky i am to be here...

and so it is time again...

i would love to talk to you about all of my woman ideas... so many thoughts surrounding woman and modesty and dress and beauty and oppression and women's roles here...

and i would love to talk to you about the animals... the sad state the dogs are in, their fierceness... the enormous cows and buffaloes that roam the Ganga and roads everywhere... the goats sometimes dressed in clothing that talk and jump and run... the monkeys that i saw today that were captive, and bullied... the 7 puppies by the ganga today that were scared of me... why?... i would love to talk to you about the dirtiness of everything, with the beautiful cleansing rituals that are equally prominent here... all of these things....so many opposites... so much yin and yang... so connected, so different... the cyclical rituals that are the basis of life here... the balance in the ridiculously imbalance of it all...

the sound of the conch shell that captures your breath as it helps you breathe...

wheeeew... deep breath...

i've been wishing for all of you, and everything real in life with the ringing of bells entering temples, and the throwing of flowers and lighting of candles into the Ganga... ill wish for more goodness tonight...

with love....Namaste...

sunni