so, 2 papsmeres, first just deemed 'abnormal'...second gave more details...and next step is a closer look.
it's a weird kind of surprising thing to know and find out.
i mean, in the past, pre- super-technologized world... we humyns would constantly have weird 'abnormal' shiftings in our bodies original 'normal'...i mean, ALL bodies break down, and die.
we all die... and we all die from a range of our once mostly PERFECT bodies just decreasing in function... function to fight off weird viruses... or bacteria... from 'broken' bits of fibres/bones/cells/organs...
so in the past, when our teeth hurt, or we felt a pain in our bodies... i am sure we spoke of them, went to our family/community medicine/healer person... and they offered us what they could, and we trusted in them, and these ways... or came to some kind of peace with these physical embodiments that 'felt' different, perhaps in pain...
and more likely, maybe we didn't even feel the pain, or know the severity of it... until it really started to take us down.... to kill us.
now, I'm not saying i am fully 'dying', i don't think that at all..i don't really generally think that way...
sometimes it's quite clear you need to take health problems seriously, in particular moments.. but until i KNOW there's something wrong, I'm not going to necessarily 'fret' over it (I do fret in other ways, but not body health stuff ;) )
but it is a very interesting position to suddenly have a 'tangible' thang to reflect over... that i may have to reflect on.
what has been found in these abnormal paps, are cells of a certain variation, that are of a more concerning nature ('moderately or severely abnormal' says the internet ;) )...ones that need to be looked at immediately, and removed and biopsied ideally.
it's kind of interesting to me to watch my train of thoughts....
it's surprising that my 'lady parts' not so long ago *i THINK* were in perfect condition...i mean, i had twins 2.5 years ago.... and my body was a super trooper for the whole pregnancy.... so like what happened? what changed?... and it happened kind of fast, no?
also, this 'knowing' of something, that in the past days i spoke of.... i wouldn't have known this....
GUARANTEED i was going to die eventually, and that things will DEFINITELY fall apart, stop functioning, in their own unique combinations of ways (just as birth happens...)...but i wouldn't know of this possible 'pre' death step...
it's interesting...
to know more of our health/mis-health... how much it potentially does for us...?!
As long as i (and my boyfriend!) can minimize fear...and instead let it bring focus and clarity... about principles of living, and priorities of care and time...then i guess i am ok with the 'knowing'....
wish me 'luck'?!
it's a weird kind of surprising thing to know and find out.
i mean, in the past, pre- super-technologized world... we humyns would constantly have weird 'abnormal' shiftings in our bodies original 'normal'...i mean, ALL bodies break down, and die.
we all die... and we all die from a range of our once mostly PERFECT bodies just decreasing in function... function to fight off weird viruses... or bacteria... from 'broken' bits of fibres/bones/cells/organs...
so in the past, when our teeth hurt, or we felt a pain in our bodies... i am sure we spoke of them, went to our family/community medicine/healer person... and they offered us what they could, and we trusted in them, and these ways... or came to some kind of peace with these physical embodiments that 'felt' different, perhaps in pain...
and more likely, maybe we didn't even feel the pain, or know the severity of it... until it really started to take us down.... to kill us.
now, I'm not saying i am fully 'dying', i don't think that at all..i don't really generally think that way...
sometimes it's quite clear you need to take health problems seriously, in particular moments.. but until i KNOW there's something wrong, I'm not going to necessarily 'fret' over it (I do fret in other ways, but not body health stuff ;) )
but it is a very interesting position to suddenly have a 'tangible' thang to reflect over... that i may have to reflect on.
what has been found in these abnormal paps, are cells of a certain variation, that are of a more concerning nature ('moderately or severely abnormal' says the internet ;) )...ones that need to be looked at immediately, and removed and biopsied ideally.
it's kind of interesting to me to watch my train of thoughts....
it's surprising that my 'lady parts' not so long ago *i THINK* were in perfect condition...i mean, i had twins 2.5 years ago.... and my body was a super trooper for the whole pregnancy.... so like what happened? what changed?... and it happened kind of fast, no?
also, this 'knowing' of something, that in the past days i spoke of.... i wouldn't have known this....
GUARANTEED i was going to die eventually, and that things will DEFINITELY fall apart, stop functioning, in their own unique combinations of ways (just as birth happens...)...but i wouldn't know of this possible 'pre' death step...
it's interesting...
to know more of our health/mis-health... how much it potentially does for us...?!
As long as i (and my boyfriend!) can minimize fear...and instead let it bring focus and clarity... about principles of living, and priorities of care and time...then i guess i am ok with the 'knowing'....
wish me 'luck'?!
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