the end of co-sleeping at 10.5 months....

these are our final 2 nights of co-sleeping... so its my last single night with each baby :(

it IS my decision to do this... to sleep train them and get them used to sleeping in their cribs in their own room...it is OUR decision- but it wouldn't happen without my go-ahead... i am pro-actively choosing it.

but i am definitely mourning this soon-to-be no-more-sleeping-ness with my babies...

looking at them, how i know their movements even in SLEEP so well...

this also is me night weaning them from breastfeeding... letting go of that sacred nightime relationship... i have fallen asleep MANY times and so have they, as i breastfeed them in the night...

that will all be over...

i dont think i thought about ALL these pieces that i would be letting go in sayin YES to cribs and sleep training...

i have really loved it... moments in those dreamy sleep times- and i realize my baby is nooked RIGHT into my body... it is so sensual and deeply emotional loving connected...

and to be woken up by them (as hard as it is also!)... them crawling up on me... poking at my face... making funny sounds... and then laughing when i open my eyes, and they realize i am awake too :)

but it's just gotten so hard.... switching babies every night, one with terell, one with me... and terell and i never sleeping together... NEVER, since the babies were born... 10.5 months ago...

as the babies have gotten more mobile, it's gotten less safe, and more stressful for terell to sleep with them, since he's a heavier sleeper, and is in a raised bed... ultimately he has been barricading them in with bed rails and objects, and he was just cramped in... when he's sleeping!!?? and that's not right... this was the breaking point for me... i was on a mattress on the floor- safe and comfortable.... terell was now sleeping on a fraction of a bed :(

it wasn't working anymore- the co-sleeping... and i tried to sleep with them both, and couldn't handle the responsibility- after all this time of the ease of looking after only one baby a night, two at night- when i take care of them both all day, and need to recover a bit at night... also that would leave terell alone- and he also hasn't been ALONE since we got together... so us co-sleeping WITHOUT him wouldn't work either...

so here we are, 2 eves away from the big start of 'sleep traning'... a yucky process with a positive and healthy end result... the babies gaining the ability to fall asleep on their own- so that they are well rested, thus happier and healthier... AND, US TOO!!!! :)

I look forward to more freedoms- to maybe go out at night, knowing my babies AND my partner are going to be okay...everyone is comfortable going to sleep and staying asleep, and thus i can go out and dance late one night, and come home spiritually nourished... tired from a late night, but ready in spirit/soul to continue caring for these quickly growing creatures :)

they are growing so fast- it's shocking as a parent.... how has it all happened so fast???

my sweet sleeping babies... cuddled up and nooked in in their own unique beautiful ways... sacred sleep patterns intertwined with my own... and terells...

i do feel fortunate and proud that we co-slept thus far... it has only deepened my loving relationship with them... and them with us... there is NOTHING unhealthy or problematic with co-sleeping with your babies- it's a sacred natural phenomenon- just as being naked with them is... we are humyn natural animal creatures...we eat, sleep, drink together... they came out of my body... we were naked....

and i feel fortunate and proud that i have breastfed thus far... and i am sad that the nighttime breastfeeding will be over... that maybe the most... because this is a very unique sacred relationship and time with my babies...

we used to all nap together- i would breastfeed them both and they would fall asleep at my breasts, and then so would i <3 ...="" and="" asleep="" but="" changed="" doesn="" fall="" has="" have="" i="" in="" lady="" montana="" month...="" my="" p="" past="" so="" t="" that="" the="" to="" too="" up="" usually...="" wake="">
i am beginning to mourn the losses that come with parenting, as the babies grow OUT of phases of growth... there are SO many special beautiful bits to honour and love and appreciate... and when something that you really loved just stops, and disappears... they have moved on to the next bit... leveled up... for you- as an adult parent... it's over... and you didn't know those were the last times you would ever share that specific beautiful phenomenon...

anyways... I've gotta get ready to sleep... tonight it's my last night with yemaya...my little snuggler, my early riser- with smiles and silly laughter of joy and cackles... she will move around all night, and always find a way to touch me <3 at="" her="" i="" miss="" much...="" night="" p="" so="" will="">
tomorrow Montana... my solid deep sleeper... he will wake up suddenly and start crawling right on top of me... on top of my face, my stomach...and i will have to pull his big heavy body off of me, to move him down to my breast to settle him back to sleep... and we will fall asleep like that... until the next time we wake....

i will LOVE being able to sleep without having to wake up once or so to make a bottle... and i will LOVE not having to...hardly....move...in fear of waking up a baby...or squeezing myself into smaller areas of the bed... so as to not wake a baby...

and i will love sleeping with terell again... cuddled into my chosen life partner, to rekindle our companion relationship that we put on hold to sleep with, and take good care of our babies...now we can take care of each other again (as well as the babies- who are not really babies anymore, but almost toddlers!!)... honour each other at nighttime...

so much intimacy occurs in just sleeping with and beside your partner... and i have missed it too... i LOVE my baby cuddles and sleeping relationships...but i miss terells too.

gracias pachamama for this truly amazing experience thus far.... it's been amazing, and EXHAUSTING :) I LOVE them so much....

and please, in the next week or so... support us with love and calm and ease and REST as we make this transition all together...

time to 'level up' as my brother says...

gulp....

friends help me to SEE (myself as a Mama!)

i am now over 7 months in, deep in mama-hood to my twins... montana and yemaya!

 

the winter holidays have just finished, it is january 3rd and everyone goes back to work and school and regular functioning society tomorrow.

Over these recent days, i have had many visitors. I have gotten to reconnect with many great friends that are too busy to REGULARLY make the journey out to our now no-longer downtown-central home, but 30 minutes trek east of downtown home ;) 

These visits from friends, and my thorough enjoyment has prompted me to write this moment.

what i have realized more so now with babies... is that good friends, in SEEING you, and what your present life is... sort of legitimizes, actualizes, gives FORM and TRUTH to your day-to-day reality.

My babies are over 7 months now, and they are crawling, and have teeth, and are growing more :) They are eating, and making sounds that sound like words, or the beginnings of words... daa daaa, maaa maaa.... 

Day in and day out... i wake, and go to sleep with these 2 small humyns.

I am absolutely caught up with their every single set of flowing movements.

I am no longer JUST sunni (though i AM too!)... but i am more like Sunni + Montana + Yemaya.

I have left home many times, as Terell is a wonderful working partner, that recognizes that when i say i need to go out... i do... 

But it still is rare that i really leave and go out for extended periods... but i do, on average once a week. Sometimes to do a short delicious yoga class and grocery shop (solo!)... sometimes to have a couple drinks and dance with some friends :)

For the most part, i am a trio... my little trio crew <3 div="">

So i sort of have lost a bit of my sense of independence... and also do not see the significance of what is happening here- the shocking rate at which these babies that it feels like SO recently emerged from my body (i still cannot believe it!!!), are CHANGING and growing.

They are blossoming...

like a swollen flower they come into this world...

fully, completely THEM... their personalities and souls, contained in that beautiful form...fresh from mama's body, fresh out of womyn's body...

of creation.

And they eventually... with ALL the care and love we can fathom, as parent's... as mothers... and it's hard for us mamas after delivery and labour... to gather up energy...

but we absolutely find it. these are our babies <3 div="">

Over hours, and days, and weeks and months... the babies personalities and beautiful special quirks blossom, unfold, emerge... they are there all along, right from the very beginning... i know this now, after this beautiful becoming of a parent... but we ALL begin this physical expression of a lifetime complete- as our WHOLE personality...

the petals loosen... the flower opens.

there are layers and layers... pretty beautiful abundant layers of beautiful petals... full and lush and gentle.

babies are like that... i guess that adults must be like that too... they are... because we humyns were born that way.

I am full time simply watching and honoring and enjoying their blooming blossoming unfoldings... watching... my little boy and girl... become their older embodied version of themselves... growing every moment.

I am not going to say they are growing wiser... as i think we talk like that, but the truth is, they are born with TRUE wisdom... just because they learn how to 'walk' and 'talk', does not make one WISE...

they were born looking in our eyes... being ONE with their natural self.

i think they were, and humyns are, BORN wise... natural.

its beautiful to watch them unfold... see what our teachings, and the teachings of this OUTER world will do to them...

When i get to share time and space... good quality time and space... with friends and family... when they get to cuddle and smile and play and laugh... giggle, and bounce... do all the things that my babies invite us big folks to do, when faced with babies... THEN i get to see my babies in a different sort of CLARITY.

I see how they are shy sometimes, and super giggly others... i see how they cuddle and nook in with some friends and family... and how their gentleness and silliness makes these adults feel full-hearted.

Terell and i are truly doing the BULK of raising these 2 creatures i love... truthfully, and this point in time... our communities are not exactly raising our children.... the village is not exactly closeby or super-intere-connected...  Alas, this is our destiny and karma, these 2 babies jumped into my body together, a sweet little sneaky surprise... they chose to come together, embodied in this existence.

It also is our culture and society... villages are NOT raising children... we are all too split up, and focused on ourselves... even i am, we are... just trying to raise our babies happy and healthy at this point.

So when our close friends and family come by... and they play, and cuddle... and see what we have done... when they empathize with me for moments... understand what my FULL-time has been for the past 7+ months...l feel SO proud of us ALL...

for how awesome-special-beautiful-smart-inquisitive my lovely twin baby boy and girl are (i am SO biased!!!)... and for how Terell and i have done as parents so far...

and ultimately, proud of MYSELF. for doing it... for taking the leap, and becoming the mama i dreamt of being for years... knowing i could do it- the whole package- pregnancy, birthing, and the biggest... RAISING them... and i love it, i love them <3 div="">

and i thank all my friends, and family, and people who have stopped and offered POSITIVE words of wisdom for me along the way...or people who have just smiled at me... all the old ladies who peek into my stroller, and ask 'twins?' with a smile and cute look of shock... and i say 'yes' with a smile back! I thank those people for in those moments, honouring and acknowledging the challenging miracle it is to have babies and especially to have MULTIPLE babies at once :)

These people all help ME to see what i am so involved in, and cannot always see.

Me as a mama, and my babies <3 div="">

‘medically uninteresting’- over 37 weeks pregnant. April 29, 2015

Today i was told by the quite quirky male nurse, (surprising for a hospital just how quirky his appearance and person is!)... that i was medically ‘uninteresting’.

He looked at all my numbers and figures... as they do when i go to the hospital for this twin pregnancy.  First i get an ultrasound, then a nurse takes the numbers and inputs them into my file... and then i see the doctor, the ‘multiples’ birth specialist.

My blood pressure is always healthy, my weight always healthy and reasonable... i have no other bizarre physical things going on.

EXCEPT for the exceptional NATURAL process that is happening in me, HEALTHILY... i am growing twins!

The nurse looks at the babies weights, or if they don’t (as weight is only taken every other week!), they still do a check of the overall babies healths...movements and breathing, etc and their positioning in my body.

Today, as per usual for most of the pregnancy... both of their heads are down, they are comfortably nooked together in me... perfect special formation, that is hardly causing me discomfort.

To him, this nurse... i am medically uninteresting.

There’s not enough to do with me... i am smooth sailing along...

Now, to just obediently follow along with their safest precautionary recommendations, in how to deliver these babies...(IV, constant monitoring, epidural, deliver lying on back, pitocin, emergency c-section possible)... so nothing bad or risky can even happen... then i will be the most ideal of patients in their nice organized, figure-based, practice... Where they hardly talk to me about what is REALLY going on, how the pregnancy REALLY is going. How i REALLY am preparing for this labour and delivery...

NONE of that is asked of me. I am there, to get scanned, weighed, blood-pressured and generally assessed.

And now that time is ticking, and i am soon to be considered PAST due... then perhaps i will start to become a bit more ‘medically interesting’ for them. Then there is more risk for them to work with... Then it becomes interesting.

What is being forgotten when i walk into all those offices, far too often... is how naturally, I AM AMAZING right now... my body, is phenomenal. It is NATURALLY spectacular, what it is doing.

And i and WE should all be having COMPLETE faith in its abilities NUMBER ONE. Instead of taking ALL precautions that it WILL malfunction... We should start with TRUSTING it.

I am... i have been all along... and it has been truly smooth and perfect.

To them, the hospital, full of all the latest technology and wisdoms, with the ultrasounds and nurse and doctors... i am medically uninteresting... i am to healthy... i am too connected and flowing with this pregnancy.

And me wanting to approach it naturally... actually makes it more complex for them... NOW we are starting to get ‘interesting’... because NOW i am being more risky.

To me, i am not. To me, i am TRUSTING first, letting nature continue along its path that it has done SO perfectly beautifully well thus far.

37 + 4 days now.... (there’s a number for you!).... i am far along... i am healthily ready to deliver, but it also would be healthy to have em in for another couple weeks even now... and i bet you, by the end of a couple weeks, they would MOST LIKELY have come out on their own.

Pregnancy is like that... it ACTUALLY works PERFECTLY well. There are exceptions... but they are few and far between... and THAT is the beauty of today.

We have the drugs and the knowledge with how to process and solve the exceptions, where nature took a different course... which it does sometimes.

I am realistic about that.

‘Medically interesting’ to this quirky nice nurse (and the establishment he is working for and IN) means drama and complications and risk and fear. To him and them, my present pregnancy state is ‘medically uninteresting’. I am just too darn healthy. Natural i say... and connected intricately and thoroughly, with the NATURAL amazing process. Feeling the sensations... expansions... gurgles and movements and breathing with them... and touching them... holding those spots that at first glance- seem to be ‘pain’... but once i slow down, stop... become present with them... they subside, calm... and just are sensations... for me to BE with.

It was funny when he said that, we all sort of laughed... i get it... i am not giving them much to work with, everything is well J

It’s funnier though, how they have just lost sight of how PERFECT so much of it IS... how AMAZING my body is, and all these other womyn’s bodies ARE... that we have grown these babies inside our bodies for this many weeks... none of us CONSCIOUSLY doing it, but taken in my nature, by mother earth... as she truly works her TRUTH magic within us.

These nurses and doctors, are good intentioned people. And they have a ton of knowledge about what to do, with ALL kinds of complications, for this sacred natural process, that does sometimes take turns for OUR psychic worst. No one wants any of the babies to die, or the mothers... this happens in nature, let’s be REAL about this.

But what happened that we forgot to TRUST that it usually doesn't happen. And that every womyn, and every pregnancy, although they follow general processes... there are many factors that not every womyn experiences... and we each spend time in the phases in different ways. I may lose weight, my babies gain, one faster then another, etc

With pregnancy, there truly is NO ONE cookie cutter experience.

But it is amazing every time... and the MOST important quality that doctors and midwives and the elders and womyn and sisters who have done it before, who have birthed... who are guiding us along on this sacred pregnancy and birthing path... NEED to be rooted and centred on... in passing on to us pregnant womyn... is that NATURE is TRULY leading the way... and we need to TRUST the process, believe and KNOW that it is taking us along, and it will do it’s best. Those babies hearts are beating BECAUSE it’s process is AMAZING.

So to this kind nurse, in this over-sanitized and SCARED hospital setting may jokingly, but truthfully say i am ‘medically uninteresting’...

I am so thankful i am so healthy, and so truly confident and full of belief that MY body, which has ALWAYS been governed... created and ALIVE with it’s beautiful mysterious spark of LIFE... It is Naturally Amazing.

full moon nature

It is the full moon tonight, apparently soon...

I remember how it was the full moon, that helped me to realize i was ready to get pregnant... it was those months that led up to me removing the IUD, the full moons, and my spotting on the full moon day... until finally my bloodflow aligned with the full moon, and then i knew...

I am aligned with the moon, my cycles are intertwined with nature...

it is time...

It has now been 6 months then since i have bled...

All that nourishing sacred blood... has stayed inside me...

Doubling up the content of blood in my body... to GROW the babies inside...

And preparing to protect my body from the blood loss at birth...

When the placentas release from my body... that connection point between babies and me for all this time... and they leave behind 2 open wounds... where the blood will flow again... Lochia i just found out it is called... the bleeding that happens post birth...

It was the full moon, that first month, that made me realize... i have not started bleeding yet,, and it was the fullmoon... it made me realize... i may be pregnant...

The full moon really had become at that point, a marker of my fertility...

And now, here i am... simply remembering and honouring this full time... where the meaning has changed... but my connection to its ideology has too...

My trust and KNOWING of nature is deeper now than ever before...

It is inside my body... i am pregnant... with both a boy and a girl...

And they are alive and growing inside me.

Somehow, i know it is all connected... the moon, the cycles, nature, my body, pregnancy...

But i KNOW this more than in MIND...

It really really IS...

And THIS all really blows me away...

It is ALL part of the same existence...

It is perfect, and truly un-explain-able... even if we can ‘explain it’

This full moon, i remember, i am the same moon... i am the same nature... the same cycles, and amazing grand energetic being of TRUTH...

It is in my nature...

I am nature.

We are ALL nature.

our closets...

here i am not referring to our clothing...

being in toronto, canada... i need to clairfy... as we are a bit shallow here :) to be honest...

too caught up in ego, i believe... hence the need to clarify...

i want to talk about 'our closets'... that i believe most of us have...

different variations of 'full'... of our complex mind patterns...

things we do, that we are a bit in denial about...

some of which are disorder-like... some harmful to ourselves... some harmful to others...

but i believe we all have things that we do... and these behaviours/patterns are harmful.

it makes me sad a bit, because i know we all have our tender/tricky spots, in ourselves...

but something about these acts, and behaviours... that are socially 'undesirable' to BE or DO...

we just keep them...

in our closets...

some people know... sometimes... only are close confidantes, or lovers... or families...

sometimes not...

and that can be more difficult for us... because our closets exist... and we are the one connected and connecting to them... sometimes too much... and spend too much time in there... caught up, unable to get away... it's hard to break away... those patterns are strong... that closet deep... and holds much draw...

i have a couple extreme-ish examples in my head right now...

one is the situation of sexuality... there are many 'perversions', or 'extremities' or 'kinks' people participate in... some are socially acceptable, some are illegal, and some are in an interesting grey area... some are probably more common than you think, in practice... but perhaps kept quiet, as overall... sexuality is generally a 'closeted' act... i would say world-wide...

sometimes, they may seem fairly healthy, and balanced... unharmful... in the case of healthy consensual sexual relationships... yes, they are 'closeted', as in, it is not public business... but people go about their lives in a healthy way, and all acts were done in a true consensual way... whether or not it is viewed as the 'normal' way of doing 'sex'...

sometimes it is not though... some of the actions are harmful, people's bodies and emotioanl stability are damaged... and sometimes that 'stuff' that was hidden in that closet, those harmful actions... come out... it becomes a raw truth, out in the open... and for some perhaps a sense of relief at that harmful closet doors are shattered... for others, it means their dangerous ways, THEIR harmful actions are no longer protected by those closet doors... it is open... it is KNOWN...

 i wonder if people in the public then reflect... on their 'closeted' issues... patterns... behaviours...

those things that we do... feel... act out... participate in... choose...

that we ALSO put in the closet... maybe before we were not conscious of it's existence, now we see... we too have stuff in closets.

it's really hard to unwind... or unravel... a tightly habituated pattern... especially when it is one that you are trying to keep quiet... deep inside the closet...

another example...is the situation of eating disorders... like bulimia...

that is done in the privacy of one's own home... usually...  there is an element of hiding, needing to do it in privacy... of internal thought processes taking over... and acting out upon the physical embodiment...

it is complex... it is dangerous, very harmful... very isolating... very scary...

a truth, that both these examples share:  to harm oneself, or others... it is the KNOWING that that is unaceptable behaviour by common social ideals.... is the exact complexity that 'closets' it in the firstplace...

shame... is a common feeling, that i think gets people STUCK in repeating those behaviours...

i am not a specialist... in sexuality, or eating disorders... but i do have sex, and i do eat... and i have grown up in this culture... so i am aware of the complexity surrounding both... and the messaging, and non-teachings... and lack of true comfortable HEALTH with both, that truly permeates all of our lives...

it's the stuff that ends up in our closets...

its the complex stuff, we start off with a bit of shame over.. and somehow.. it has gotten pushed further back into the closet... trying to hide... until, something forces it to come out...

into the open...

and that is hard... but it also maybe is healthier long term... maybe?

i guess i cannot say... to be a person, who is so deeply hiding habits and patterns that are apparently so undesirable to be out in public with... because of the harm they cause... to have those forced out... could be the end...

with those extreme examples, some of those behaviours already are so self-damaging... perhaps this is the cherry on top... and its too much to handle...

it's too bad we have such difficulties as humyns in this lifetime... in this day-n-age...

we all have closets... i believe we do...

our closets...

and i think that they are pretty big... over abundance, over consumption... we don't know what to do do with it all... we need to hide it... to store it... and the closets and storage gets bigger... (now i am talking a bit of clothing as well, i'm talking tangibly and metaphorically!)

what do we have in there.. what do we hide?

things from our pasts... that we did, that we said... that we regret... that we want to hide, forget about it... shove it under that rug... into that closet... and hope it comes with us into the deathbed...

how much do our closets haunt us... come into our minds...interfere with our lives...

perhaps it's minimal... and life moves on... we rarely dip back into closet space... it's no big deal...

an ambivalent relationship we may have with our closets... not too many worries or regrets or shames...

i wish that was true for most...

but some people really have a hard time, and that is hard to go through i think...

and i feel for them... especially if they are harming others... or harming themselves...

to be stuck in that cycle... deep in that dark closet... it's hard.

it's hard to be in denial so deep... out in the world with one appearance, but a heavy truth haunting you from deep inside that closet of your mind...

deep breathe out...

May we all find the ways out of harmful behaviours...

May we find the right teachings, and teachers... to guide us along... to bring us to a place of healthy mind, healthy body... whole health.

to everyone, that looks a bit different... some it may include a strict diet, or extravagant and playful sexual lives...

May those who have too much darkness, stuck inside a closet that exists in their lives... find a way out... find a way to open that closet... let some of it out... to free them up to be in a simple better place.

It's a complex life... so many mixed messages we have received... so many teachings, that do not connect us back to righteous principles...

May we try to connect though, and be true and real...

if not just for ourselves...

to lead an honest and transparent life...

a short rant regarding Abortion...

i have regularily been biking by, this little crew of elderly grey-haired folks...holding up signs, alluding to this 'belief' that abortion is NOT right...

I see these folks on my way to go volunteer at a children's hospice... where children go to die, born with circumstances that means they will not live long... it also is a place where families come to receive temporary respite care as their children are severely disabled, and need round-the-clock care... that they as parents do, and have done for years...

Today, as i biked by.... i screamed out.... SHAME ON YOU... they smiled, they didn't hear... i repeated myself.... SHAME ON YOU.

I do not believe it is up to anyone, ESPECIALLY not older folks, who should be righteously BEing our elders... to be judging anyone for choices made to terminate a pregnancy... as if it is not already an EXTREMELY difficult decision... to know life is growing inside you, and you choose to end that growing possibility...

I had a conversation with a father at the hospice this morning, whose 2 month old is at any moment now, going to pass (pure honourings and blessings for a safe journey)... and i honour his families decision not to attach their baby to drastic life-saving measure machines... and recognizing.... life has chosen already, and this baby is to die.

I am PRO-life, and i am PRO-death... we are natural creatures... and it is not up to any of us to be judging or making decisions for ANYONE else... if there really is such a magnificent god-jah-allah-buddha-pachamama type being/entity... they support us along the way... we are part of the perfect creation 

i honour womyn who have to make that hard decision to abort, and i pray that those folks that think its okay to judge them... learn to see otherwise 

full moon... may 2014

i realized just now... it is the full moon.

and today... i got my bloodflow... 5 days early...

perhaps universe wants me to be alligned... perhaps i actually AM so alligned with universe right now... that i bleed on the full moon.

i know it is true...

because i BELIEVE it to be true...

this universe guides us, and directs us... how to live... what to do... it is in our instincts... our nature...

in our impulses... and our KNOWINGS...

when we listen.

today i got my bloodflow... it is 23 days since the last time i got it... it is early...

i am to be connected... alligned... FLOWING... with tonight's full moon.

Maid-of-Honor SPEECH, for Mai and Dre. November 2013.

When two people come together in marriage to formalize their union... it is simply so special.
This union, is to meet another humyn who you want to always be with.

Whom you can trust... you love... you respect...
you imagine the future with...
cuddle, snuggle...
laugh, play...
have intense conversations with...
about yourself- your own individual dreams and mission... work... practice...
and about your shared visions- what could the future look like together?
you contemplate, reflect, imagine... together...

When people get married, they decide they wanna DO it... :)

They wanna attempt this life into the future Together.
Trusting they can work through the obstacles... and relish in the beauty and joys.
Create together... newness and evolution.

They accept each other has their own past... full already of 'stories'...
Stories that made them to be exactly who they were... when they first met.
It was ALL of it that made them drawn to each other.
The qualities that make them stand out to each other...
that makes them just feel that little sparkle of love for each other :)
They are how they are because of the whole combination of life they have lived...
and from that first 'love sparkle' forward... it is a shared life, creating the path forward into the future.

Mai and Dre... So cute :) Kawaii :)   (japanese for so cute!)

Both such quirky creatures
... intelligent creative... chillin' yet hard working... beauty-full and fun... humble and simple....kind and caring, especially to those they love deeply.
Those of us who celebrate them, have had the honor to be graced by this caring kindness.

... They are rootsy... connected to the Natural... knowledgeable in the sacred intimacies of Nature... Wise...
And always willing to share and teach of their wisdoms...
So many times Dre has 'lost' me, because he just has so much knowledge in there, his being... it's amazing.
I have said many times, i think he is one of the most intelligent/ genius people i know... and it's true... he really is :)

Dre and Mai make SO much sense for each other.
I can imagine them evolving so beautifully, so compatibly.

In my head, i see their farm they speak of... sheep donkeys dogs... magical gardens, abundant with plants, leaves and flowers and seeds and vegetables and fruits...

many different impressive projects on the go... fermentings, buildings, knittings/crochetings... craftings... buildings...

Andrius' mind constantly alert... and bubbly Mai, with her big beautiful smile... supporting Andrius' next initiative, as she calmly continues with her own :) ... getting excited about the sheep's milk, and wool...

For as long as i have known Mai, she has been a loving confidante, a dear friend... truly listening, and feeling with me... and I with her.
She is so full of love, and i see it now where she gets it from... Her family such a lovely bunch... of calm, loving, sparkley, kind humyns.

Mai genuinely cares for those she chooses to surround herself with... and once she cares... it is a COMMITMENT she makes... she will always have care for you.

When she asked me to be her maid-of-honour, to be one of her brides'maids...i thought, it would be an honour, to be a maid, to this bride Mai :)
I respect, and love her, completely, she is so.. simply... beautiful.
...Her absolute love, faith, and commitment to Dre is so heart-touching.
She knew right from the beginning that her and Dre were compatible... and even through immigration/visa bureaucracies.. and long-distance gaps in real person love... she just did not budge in her faith and love for Dre...
It is so beautiful.

May Mai and Dre continue evolving in the most quirky creative exciting fun ways together... till the end of their lives.

Let us give thanks, that these two wonderful humyns, that we all love so much, have found each other...
Let us give thanks for all being here today... to celebrate these lovely beings...
And Let us give thanks for being ALIVE and well... with such abundance and privilege and freedom...

to live...
and to love <3 p="">

Now I Know... pedestrian sunday, kensington market, september 29, 2013

sometimes, i really am touched by simple beauty that is so potent in my life... 

for my blood relatives that i love so much... 

for my numerous sisters, WOW, that i really love so dearly... 

for my brothers who love me... and care for me... for the children that make me laugh and smile... 

for those that cuddle and touch me in a nurturing loving way... 

for all these beings that bring joy and light to my life...

and SO much at this moment... i want to thank the makers of the MUSIC... the soundtrack of life... that brings me to dance and feel such beauty of this existence... 

THANK YOU... 

...the song that this blog post title (originally facebook blurb) refers to, was a pretty sacred dance moment today, and i just wanna share it... ♥

Stephen Marley... 'Now I Know'

'Logic'

One cannot talk to someone with a traditional sense of 'logic', if that person does not follow that same frame of 'logic' themselves.

It is like speaking another language.

For example, I cannot ask a man, whom i see simply pacing, walking quickly by, hour after hour, in all the neighborhoods i live, work, and play in...He walks, he doesn't talk... he wears paper flyers on his head... he walks fast, he is always alone.

I cannot ask him 'logical' questions, because he lives in an 'illogical' way.  I cannot ask or assume he and i can talk with 'logic'... we can't.

But i can meet him where he is... humyn to humyn.

(written May 2013)