these are our final 2 nights of co-sleeping... so its my last single night with each baby :(
it IS my decision to do this... to sleep train them and get them used to sleeping in their cribs in their own room...it is OUR decision- but it wouldn't happen without my go-ahead... i am pro-actively choosing it.
but i am definitely mourning this soon-to-be no-more-sleeping-ness with my babies...
looking at them, how i know their movements even in SLEEP so well...
this also is me night weaning them from breastfeeding... letting go of that sacred nightime relationship... i have fallen asleep MANY times and so have they, as i breastfeed them in the night...
that will all be over...
i dont think i thought about ALL these pieces that i would be letting go in sayin YES to cribs and sleep training...
i have really loved it... moments in those dreamy sleep times- and i realize my baby is nooked RIGHT into my body... it is so sensual and deeply emotional loving connected...
and to be woken up by them (as hard as it is also!)... them crawling up on me... poking at my face... making funny sounds... and then laughing when i open my eyes, and they realize i am awake too :)
but it's just gotten so hard.... switching babies every night, one with terell, one with me... and terell and i never sleeping together... NEVER, since the babies were born... 10.5 months ago...
as the babies have gotten more mobile, it's gotten less safe, and more stressful for terell to sleep with them, since he's a heavier sleeper, and is in a raised bed... ultimately he has been barricading them in with bed rails and objects, and he was just cramped in... when he's sleeping!!?? and that's not right... this was the breaking point for me... i was on a mattress on the floor- safe and comfortable.... terell was now sleeping on a fraction of a bed :(
it wasn't working anymore- the co-sleeping... and i tried to sleep with them both, and couldn't handle the responsibility- after all this time of the ease of looking after only one baby a night, two at night- when i take care of them both all day, and need to recover a bit at night... also that would leave terell alone- and he also hasn't been ALONE since we got together... so us co-sleeping WITHOUT him wouldn't work either...
so here we are, 2 eves away from the big start of 'sleep traning'... a yucky process with a positive and healthy end result... the babies gaining the ability to fall asleep on their own- so that they are well rested, thus happier and healthier... AND, US TOO!!!! :)
I look forward to more freedoms- to maybe go out at night, knowing my babies AND my partner are going to be okay...everyone is comfortable going to sleep and staying asleep, and thus i can go out and dance late one night, and come home spiritually nourished... tired from a late night, but ready in spirit/soul to continue caring for these quickly growing creatures :)
they are growing so fast- it's shocking as a parent.... how has it all happened so fast???
my sweet sleeping babies... cuddled up and nooked in in their own unique beautiful ways... sacred sleep patterns intertwined with my own... and terells...
i do feel fortunate and proud that we co-slept thus far... it has only deepened my loving relationship with them... and them with us... there is NOTHING unhealthy or problematic with co-sleeping with your babies- it's a sacred natural phenomenon- just as being naked with them is... we are humyn natural animal creatures...we eat, sleep, drink together... they came out of my body... we were naked....
and i feel fortunate and proud that i have breastfed thus far... and i am sad that the nighttime breastfeeding will be over... that maybe the most... because this is a very unique sacred relationship and time with my babies...
we used to all nap together- i would breastfeed them both and they would fall asleep at my breasts, and then so would i <3 ...="" and="" asleep="" but="" changed="" doesn="" fall="" has="" have="" i="" in="" lady="" montana="" month...="" my="" p="" past="" so="" t="" that="" the="" to="" too="" up="" usually...="" wake="">
i am beginning to mourn the losses that come with parenting, as the babies grow OUT of phases of growth... there are SO many special beautiful bits to honour and love and appreciate... and when something that you really loved just stops, and disappears... they have moved on to the next bit... leveled up... for you- as an adult parent... it's over... and you didn't know those were the last times you would ever share that specific beautiful phenomenon...
anyways... I've gotta get ready to sleep... tonight it's my last night with yemaya...my little snuggler, my early riser- with smiles and silly laughter of joy and cackles... she will move around all night, and always find a way to touch me <3 at="" her="" i="" miss="" much...="" night="" p="" so="" will="">
tomorrow Montana... my solid deep sleeper... he will wake up suddenly and start crawling right on top of me... on top of my face, my stomach...and i will have to pull his big heavy body off of me, to move him down to my breast to settle him back to sleep... and we will fall asleep like that... until the next time we wake....
i will LOVE being able to sleep without having to wake up once or so to make a bottle... and i will LOVE not having to...hardly....move...in fear of waking up a baby...or squeezing myself into smaller areas of the bed... so as to not wake a baby...
and i will love sleeping with terell again... cuddled into my chosen life partner, to rekindle our companion relationship that we put on hold to sleep with, and take good care of our babies...now we can take care of each other again (as well as the babies- who are not really babies anymore, but almost toddlers!!)... honour each other at nighttime...
so much intimacy occurs in just sleeping with and beside your partner... and i have missed it too... i LOVE my baby cuddles and sleeping relationships...but i miss terells too.
gracias pachamama for this truly amazing experience thus far.... it's been amazing, and EXHAUSTING :) I LOVE them so much....
and please, in the next week or so... support us with love and calm and ease and REST as we make this transition all together...
time to 'level up' as my brother says...
gulp....
it IS my decision to do this... to sleep train them and get them used to sleeping in their cribs in their own room...it is OUR decision- but it wouldn't happen without my go-ahead... i am pro-actively choosing it.
but i am definitely mourning this soon-to-be no-more-sleeping-ness with my babies...
looking at them, how i know their movements even in SLEEP so well...
this also is me night weaning them from breastfeeding... letting go of that sacred nightime relationship... i have fallen asleep MANY times and so have they, as i breastfeed them in the night...
that will all be over...
i dont think i thought about ALL these pieces that i would be letting go in sayin YES to cribs and sleep training...
i have really loved it... moments in those dreamy sleep times- and i realize my baby is nooked RIGHT into my body... it is so sensual and deeply emotional loving connected...
and to be woken up by them (as hard as it is also!)... them crawling up on me... poking at my face... making funny sounds... and then laughing when i open my eyes, and they realize i am awake too :)
but it's just gotten so hard.... switching babies every night, one with terell, one with me... and terell and i never sleeping together... NEVER, since the babies were born... 10.5 months ago...
as the babies have gotten more mobile, it's gotten less safe, and more stressful for terell to sleep with them, since he's a heavier sleeper, and is in a raised bed... ultimately he has been barricading them in with bed rails and objects, and he was just cramped in... when he's sleeping!!?? and that's not right... this was the breaking point for me... i was on a mattress on the floor- safe and comfortable.... terell was now sleeping on a fraction of a bed :(
it wasn't working anymore- the co-sleeping... and i tried to sleep with them both, and couldn't handle the responsibility- after all this time of the ease of looking after only one baby a night, two at night- when i take care of them both all day, and need to recover a bit at night... also that would leave terell alone- and he also hasn't been ALONE since we got together... so us co-sleeping WITHOUT him wouldn't work either...
so here we are, 2 eves away from the big start of 'sleep traning'... a yucky process with a positive and healthy end result... the babies gaining the ability to fall asleep on their own- so that they are well rested, thus happier and healthier... AND, US TOO!!!! :)
I look forward to more freedoms- to maybe go out at night, knowing my babies AND my partner are going to be okay...everyone is comfortable going to sleep and staying asleep, and thus i can go out and dance late one night, and come home spiritually nourished... tired from a late night, but ready in spirit/soul to continue caring for these quickly growing creatures :)
they are growing so fast- it's shocking as a parent.... how has it all happened so fast???
my sweet sleeping babies... cuddled up and nooked in in their own unique beautiful ways... sacred sleep patterns intertwined with my own... and terells...
i do feel fortunate and proud that we co-slept thus far... it has only deepened my loving relationship with them... and them with us... there is NOTHING unhealthy or problematic with co-sleeping with your babies- it's a sacred natural phenomenon- just as being naked with them is... we are humyn natural animal creatures...we eat, sleep, drink together... they came out of my body... we were naked....
and i feel fortunate and proud that i have breastfed thus far... and i am sad that the nighttime breastfeeding will be over... that maybe the most... because this is a very unique sacred relationship and time with my babies...
we used to all nap together- i would breastfeed them both and they would fall asleep at my breasts, and then so would i <3 ...="" and="" asleep="" but="" changed="" doesn="" fall="" has="" have="" i="" in="" lady="" montana="" month...="" my="" p="" past="" so="" t="" that="" the="" to="" too="" up="" usually...="" wake="">
i am beginning to mourn the losses that come with parenting, as the babies grow OUT of phases of growth... there are SO many special beautiful bits to honour and love and appreciate... and when something that you really loved just stops, and disappears... they have moved on to the next bit... leveled up... for you- as an adult parent... it's over... and you didn't know those were the last times you would ever share that specific beautiful phenomenon...
anyways... I've gotta get ready to sleep... tonight it's my last night with yemaya...my little snuggler, my early riser- with smiles and silly laughter of joy and cackles... she will move around all night, and always find a way to touch me <3 at="" her="" i="" miss="" much...="" night="" p="" so="" will="">
tomorrow Montana... my solid deep sleeper... he will wake up suddenly and start crawling right on top of me... on top of my face, my stomach...and i will have to pull his big heavy body off of me, to move him down to my breast to settle him back to sleep... and we will fall asleep like that... until the next time we wake....
i will LOVE being able to sleep without having to wake up once or so to make a bottle... and i will LOVE not having to...hardly....move...in fear of waking up a baby...or squeezing myself into smaller areas of the bed... so as to not wake a baby...
and i will love sleeping with terell again... cuddled into my chosen life partner, to rekindle our companion relationship that we put on hold to sleep with, and take good care of our babies...now we can take care of each other again (as well as the babies- who are not really babies anymore, but almost toddlers!!)... honour each other at nighttime...
so much intimacy occurs in just sleeping with and beside your partner... and i have missed it too... i LOVE my baby cuddles and sleeping relationships...but i miss terells too.
gracias pachamama for this truly amazing experience thus far.... it's been amazing, and EXHAUSTING :) I LOVE them so much....
and please, in the next week or so... support us with love and calm and ease and REST as we make this transition all together...
time to 'level up' as my brother says...
gulp....
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment