people i love to hang out with SO much are the young kids... the babies, but young kids who can express their feeligs out loud... their logic, their perspectives on life.... their simplicity....
their philosophies, concepts, perspectives.... on everything.... and on nothing...
you can talk complete 'jibberish' with them.... use your imagination....play with their imaginations.... be creative.... and see the world from that perspective.... simplicity... beauty, laughter...play.....
they express their loves, their lives...their truth and honesty and genuine selves all the time... they haven't learned yet how to mask those things...
how to control them...
what to know, what to label, what to classify, to quantify.....
and so they just are....
their beautiful selves....
there are many people i find that are so often discriminated against.... and these things in which they are scrutinized for, are really their most beautiful features... as whatever that feature is....is the part that becomes their strongest.... they are sensitive to what goes deeper as it is highlighted all the time....
children say those things quite simply, with no underlying feelings or thoughts.... they 'state the obvious'....
doesn't it only make sense to 'state the obvious'..... because people are taught to not always do that....
watch yourself..... when are you not being completely honest..... to other people.... to yourself.....
and real....
and just being comfortable in the real...
its nice to be you, and see everyone as everyone.... as they are....
and to be honest....everyone is so beautiful, as they are all a bit different, but completely the same all at the same time....
and i think we need to see others like this, with this philosophy....
so pay attention to those beautiful babies.....
they have a lot to teach us...
and we have be careful with how and what we teach them....
right now they love you if you love them....
Sunday, October 11, 2009
India Adventure- August 2, 2009 - I am in Valencia, Spain...playing...
hello everyone...
i have to finish all that happened when i was in India,...
i know!!
but for now, im short forming it.... i am in spain, in valencia...
after leaving india, june 29, i went to london for a day, went to the buckingham palace, ha ha, saw the changing of the guards, and i saw the westminister abbey.... i just walked around all day, in such a COMPLETELY different world then what i was completely immersed in (and am SO thankful for) for 7.5 months.... then i headed to the airport to sleep, as the next morning i had a flight to Italy, to Milan... and then would head over, find my way to Rototam, the best ever festival.... most amazing festival i have ever experienced..... i arrived july 1- the day before it began.....
i was coming with no tent, fresh off the plane from india, henna-d up, READY FOR REGGAE!!! and let me tell you... it was amazing... i would love to go into the details, but i will say that out of 11 nights of sleep there, i danced right through 6 of them until sunrise the next morning.... and i ended up on stage with one of my favourite artists, the one i once sent many of you a link to.... michael franti.... an amazing human being.... rototom was so so so amazing.... my family there were from spain...i met these lovely human beings on the train-venture towards the festival, and i ended up sleeping under their tent and shelter and in it the whole time.... with crazy rain storms and all.... it was a team effort, and they made me feel so at home.... at those rare times when i was there.... often i came back to crash.... ha ha...
afterwords, i went with some lovely lovely friends from madrid, lucia and ana.... we hitch-hiked to venezia where we walked around, and slept in some little plant filled street....
afterwords, i took a train all the way down to sicily... and to be honest i hardly saw it, but i ended up meeting an older palestinian man, and he introduced me to his neighbours who were 3 young sicilian lovely guys, whom i stayed with for a couple days! they cooked me sicilian pasta and rice.... we hung out.... i needed to recover from rototam, and they became my family for a few days.... then i went up to pescara, on the sea, and i hung out with a friend from Tanzania i met at rototam, i slept in a tent beside the ocean for a few days.... it was lovely to just relax on the beach.... drink a lot of coffee...well cappucinos.... amazing....
then i hitch-hiked all the way to rome, with so much lovely assistance from human beings..... there are many faces, and many names i cannot remember who helped me along this way, with directions, or food, or driving.... i caught the longest ride with angelo.... a 60 year old man from roma, he had a big motor on his truck to deliver... and he picked me up, and then took me out after for the BEST spaghetti, and steak (weird, i am eating meat again.... when in rome, do as the romans do ya know??).. . and amazing wine and sparkling water, which i love.... and tiramisu and then cafe... wow..... amazing meal.... clearly, every bit was amazing...
but after the wine... well..... angelo became a bit bizarre, so he took me to the train station, and i slept there on the floor for the night..... and then i did the next night also..... it was fairly safe on the main floor, as there are people cleaning and stuff all night, but there was a moment the first night when i awoke to a fairly stinky man lying almost nooked into my body, ha ha.... i lost the desire pretty quickly to sleep at that point.... so i had a nap the next day in a beautiful garden as i wandered rome...
while there i saw the colloseum, the pantheon, the popes 'hangouts'....st pietros cathedral, and the vatican... i wandered and saw all the sites, and the plazas and ate amazing gelatos, and just existed in shnazzy rome, while i was sleeping in the train station... it was actually so great my whole situation in italy..... i did not pay to sleep the whole time.... and for much of it i hitchiked or was graced with friendly human beings along the way.....
then i left rome.... i was almost late for my flight, for no logical reason at all, in fact i stopped for a coffee at the airport, and this pushed the timing a bit more... so much so that my bag was not put on the flight, and when i arrived in spain, i had to wait 2 days for my bag.... and they took my beloved swiss army knife.....
but, i arrived in barcelona, spain that same night, obviously slept in the airport..... woke up the next morning, and found a train ticket to go to valencia... borrowed a flamenco- dancing-woman's phone to call claire and say.... ím on my way....
when i got off the train, claire was there waiting, along with mo.... a lovely man from mali i met a few years ago when i came to visit claire here in Valencia, and have a lot of love for... and maybe a future with too... eeeek.... i met claire many years ago when i was away on university exchange in Adelaide, Australia....it is her roots, and i respected her right from the beginning....and now she is married to a man from Argentina, Flavio- he is a capoeira master, and a funny random man, and together, the two of them are a lovely duo of humanity.... conscious, caring, logical, and free-spirited... all at the same time...so much respect!
so that brings me to almost now.... now, its been a just under 2 weeks that i have been here.... going to the beach almost every day.... claires house is like 5 minutes away, and her house they have squatted, meaning they do not pay rent, but it is a lovely home.... and i even have my own room while i am here.... which is lovely... spending lots of time with mo... meeting many friends and seeing capoeira.... and sometimes just chillin, contemplating options for the future.....
and i have the intention to leave here, early september, to come home, pee my pants in excitement to be home and see all my family and kensingon drum community... EEEEK.... then clean myself up, get myself in order, and GET A JOB!!!! this is really important, im maxed out.... so honestly.... i am putting the call out to anyone who can help me!! i have a university degree in sociology and womens studies, and i would love to work in some sort of community/social/activist organization maybe with recent immigrant human beings, women.... empowering, organizing, moving lives forward.... this is the more grand wish, but even intially upon arrival in canada, i could also work in a restaurant or something on a smaller, less professional scale.... SO, if anything comes up, please think of me, and pass on my contact into, or pass it on to me.... by mid-september i will be back in toronto!!!!
and i am so happy to see all of your very very lovely faces!!!!!!!!!!!! and also will be a bit in shock to realize that this trip has come full circle... and i am returning to my roots again..... i feel it now... but with such difference, and with such different outlooks and possibilities for the future.. but eager to use all this energy again for the betterment of others... i believe in this, so i move towards this....
in the meantime, i have started to blog it.... yep, people told me of this, and well, i am a bit slow with technology, but i am in!! i have posted some of my beginning India e-mails, and a couple recent wrtiings from recent times.... and i will put more bits and pieces there as well... feel free to spread the consciousness around.... through my writing, and even moreso with your own voices and hearts and lives.... http://mycuriosityofbalanceindifference.blogspot.com/
i love you!!!!!
love sunni lady
p.s. the 2 pics...one was recently sent to me from my trek to the himalayas with my burmese monk friends, and my canadian brother wade.... the second is from the train en route to rototam reggae festival!!!!!!
i have to finish all that happened when i was in India,...
i know!!
but for now, im short forming it.... i am in spain, in valencia...
after leaving india, june 29, i went to london for a day, went to the buckingham palace, ha ha, saw the changing of the guards, and i saw the westminister abbey.... i just walked around all day, in such a COMPLETELY different world then what i was completely immersed in (and am SO thankful for) for 7.5 months.... then i headed to the airport to sleep, as the next morning i had a flight to Italy, to Milan... and then would head over, find my way to Rototam, the best ever festival.... most amazing festival i have ever experienced..... i arrived july 1- the day before it began.....
i was coming with no tent, fresh off the plane from india, henna-d up, READY FOR REGGAE!!! and let me tell you... it was amazing... i would love to go into the details, but i will say that out of 11 nights of sleep there, i danced right through 6 of them until sunrise the next morning.... and i ended up on stage with one of my favourite artists, the one i once sent many of you a link to.... michael franti.... an amazing human being.... rototom was so so so amazing.... my family there were from spain...i met these lovely human beings on the train-venture towards the festival, and i ended up sleeping under their tent and shelter and in it the whole time.... with crazy rain storms and all.... it was a team effort, and they made me feel so at home.... at those rare times when i was there.... often i came back to crash.... ha ha...
afterwords, i went with some lovely lovely friends from madrid, lucia and ana.... we hitch-hiked to venezia where we walked around, and slept in some little plant filled street....
afterwords, i took a train all the way down to sicily... and to be honest i hardly saw it, but i ended up meeting an older palestinian man, and he introduced me to his neighbours who were 3 young sicilian lovely guys, whom i stayed with for a couple days! they cooked me sicilian pasta and rice.... we hung out.... i needed to recover from rototam, and they became my family for a few days.... then i went up to pescara, on the sea, and i hung out with a friend from Tanzania i met at rototam, i slept in a tent beside the ocean for a few days.... it was lovely to just relax on the beach.... drink a lot of coffee...well cappucinos.... amazing....
then i hitch-hiked all the way to rome, with so much lovely assistance from human beings..... there are many faces, and many names i cannot remember who helped me along this way, with directions, or food, or driving.... i caught the longest ride with angelo.... a 60 year old man from roma, he had a big motor on his truck to deliver... and he picked me up, and then took me out after for the BEST spaghetti, and steak (weird, i am eating meat again.... when in rome, do as the romans do ya know??).. . and amazing wine and sparkling water, which i love.... and tiramisu and then cafe... wow..... amazing meal.... clearly, every bit was amazing...
but after the wine... well..... angelo became a bit bizarre, so he took me to the train station, and i slept there on the floor for the night..... and then i did the next night also..... it was fairly safe on the main floor, as there are people cleaning and stuff all night, but there was a moment the first night when i awoke to a fairly stinky man lying almost nooked into my body, ha ha.... i lost the desire pretty quickly to sleep at that point.... so i had a nap the next day in a beautiful garden as i wandered rome...
while there i saw the colloseum, the pantheon, the popes 'hangouts'....st pietros cathedral, and the vatican... i wandered and saw all the sites, and the plazas and ate amazing gelatos, and just existed in shnazzy rome, while i was sleeping in the train station... it was actually so great my whole situation in italy..... i did not pay to sleep the whole time.... and for much of it i hitchiked or was graced with friendly human beings along the way.....
then i left rome.... i was almost late for my flight, for no logical reason at all, in fact i stopped for a coffee at the airport, and this pushed the timing a bit more... so much so that my bag was not put on the flight, and when i arrived in spain, i had to wait 2 days for my bag.... and they took my beloved swiss army knife.....
but, i arrived in barcelona, spain that same night, obviously slept in the airport..... woke up the next morning, and found a train ticket to go to valencia... borrowed a flamenco- dancing-woman's phone to call claire and say.... ím on my way....
when i got off the train, claire was there waiting, along with mo.... a lovely man from mali i met a few years ago when i came to visit claire here in Valencia, and have a lot of love for... and maybe a future with too... eeeek.... i met claire many years ago when i was away on university exchange in Adelaide, Australia....it is her roots, and i respected her right from the beginning....and now she is married to a man from Argentina, Flavio- he is a capoeira master, and a funny random man, and together, the two of them are a lovely duo of humanity.... conscious, caring, logical, and free-spirited... all at the same time...so much respect!
so that brings me to almost now.... now, its been a just under 2 weeks that i have been here.... going to the beach almost every day.... claires house is like 5 minutes away, and her house they have squatted, meaning they do not pay rent, but it is a lovely home.... and i even have my own room while i am here.... which is lovely... spending lots of time with mo... meeting many friends and seeing capoeira.... and sometimes just chillin, contemplating options for the future.....
and i have the intention to leave here, early september, to come home, pee my pants in excitement to be home and see all my family and kensingon drum community... EEEEK.... then clean myself up, get myself in order, and GET A JOB!!!! this is really important, im maxed out.... so honestly.... i am putting the call out to anyone who can help me!! i have a university degree in sociology and womens studies, and i would love to work in some sort of community/social/activist organization maybe with recent immigrant human beings, women.... empowering, organizing, moving lives forward.... this is the more grand wish, but even intially upon arrival in canada, i could also work in a restaurant or something on a smaller, less professional scale.... SO, if anything comes up, please think of me, and pass on my contact into, or pass it on to me.... by mid-september i will be back in toronto!!!!
and i am so happy to see all of your very very lovely faces!!!!!!!!!!!! and also will be a bit in shock to realize that this trip has come full circle... and i am returning to my roots again..... i feel it now... but with such difference, and with such different outlooks and possibilities for the future.. but eager to use all this energy again for the betterment of others... i believe in this, so i move towards this....
in the meantime, i have started to blog it.... yep, people told me of this, and well, i am a bit slow with technology, but i am in!! i have posted some of my beginning India e-mails, and a couple recent wrtiings from recent times.... and i will put more bits and pieces there as well... feel free to spread the consciousness around.... through my writing, and even moreso with your own voices and hearts and lives.... http://mycuriosityofbalanceindifference.blogspot.com/
i love you!!!!!
love sunni lady
p.s. the 2 pics...one was recently sent to me from my trek to the himalayas with my burmese monk friends, and my canadian brother wade.... the second is from the train en route to rototam reggae festival!!!!!!
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
India- 'ganga womb'- June 2009
waterfalls of baby-fresh ganga spurting from the mountains...
this is where it all began...
we have followed it in the bus all day...
we are headed to where it all began... in the glaciers...
boulders and pine trees...
fresh cold clean crisp mountain air...
mist and clouds...light rain...
the sun... now peeking though the clouds...
it's the end of the day...my favourite time...
...sunset...
in the himalayas...
the ganga surrounding me...
the goddess...
this is her womb....
this is where it all began...
we have followed it in the bus all day...
we are headed to where it all began... in the glaciers...
boulders and pine trees...
fresh cold clean crisp mountain air...
mist and clouds...light rain...
the sun... now peeking though the clouds...
it's the end of the day...my favourite time...
...sunset...
in the himalayas...
the ganga surrounding me...
the goddess...
this is her womb....
go to the essence of mother...
go to the essence of mother...
go to the essence of mother...
the essence of mother....
follow it...
what does she stand for?
respect
reality
love
perfection
in all...
naturally
honestly...
raw...
the mother is the maker of life...
she produces life...
the earth produces life...
therefore...
mother earth...
go to the essence of mother...
it is reality...
it is real...
it is soul...
and depth...
and love...
go to the essence of mother...
the essence of mother....
follow it...
what does she stand for?
respect
reality
love
perfection
in all...
naturally
honestly...
raw...
the mother is the maker of life...
she produces life...
the earth produces life...
therefore...
mother earth...
go to the essence of mother...
it is reality...
it is real...
it is soul...
and depth...
and love...
Sunday, September 13, 2009
India- Mon, Jan 26, 2009- flowing streams, fireflies, bamboo-a-plenty and the ladies compartment....
i woke up in the night time... i was having some dreams... some trouble sleeping, thinking about my dog at my dad's house....she is older, at the ending times in her life... i haven't thought about her as much i wish... so as soon as i woke up, i showered, cleaned, put on my sari which has had a few weeks long break.....and went to the temple that i discovered last night- i heard the drums.....so they called me in...but that morning i was feeling like i wanted to find a church, it was sunday, and here in Kerala, many people are christian....i've been accosted by many people, even a pastor wanting to know my religion... i am really happy to talk to 'religious' people, and i have been drawn to it the entire time i have been in India... i really do appreciate their faith... and devotion, and trust... and the ENTIRE act of praying...
To me, it is the same things we are all praying for. When i usually respond with something along the lines of 'well, i do believe in Jesus, he was a noble human being... the truth is i moreso believe in mother earth, mother nature... that is my 'god' of choice....', people generally seem to be okay with that....so we have a nice exchange....
but today, after really being shaken up by my dream of Ginny, i went to the temple... It is a very nice temple here in Allapphuzza (Alleppey) because some of the temple gods are beside trees. So while praying to the statue of the god, i am simultaneously praying to the tree, to the mama earth beside the statue of the god. I use these settings and places as a chance to pray... i pray with the same respect that the people who KNOW who the god is pray with/for... does that make sense? i take it as an opportunity to pray, even though i may not necessarily be praying to that particular god, i may not even know who it is, or what it stands for... but i do know that many people come to that god with wishes and prayers, so in respecting that god, i am also respecting them and their life wishes. Anyways, you get my point i hope...ha ha...
Along with the trees accompanying your prayers in this temple, there is even one spot to pray to the planets, which i really liked. To the sun and the moon i already do pray and have much faith for, but this little prayer 'hut' incorporated many planets and constallations, which many indigineous religions and philosophies take to heart too...
so basically, i went to the temple and had a bit of a cry and many moments for Ginny, my family and basically all of you as well... for anyone who listens and who cares not just about me and eachother but for the well being of all of us... for the unity within the diversity...
then i called my dad, and the phone cut out... sorry dad... hee hee... it's India... ya just never know here...
i just want you to know that sometimes i am adventuring, and sometimes i am just reading and thinking and being homesick too! this trip i have really been thinking about all of you at home... the truth is, i do not know when i am coming home, but i really want to sometimes. I miss all of you... i really love being close to the people i love... knowing that if anything was to happen i could be on a bus and within a day, im there... its more complicated to really stay in touch while away... i know you all understand, but i want to just take a moment to say that i really really love and appreciate all of you, and i know i am not there with you, but i think of you often, like really often sometimes... and i miss you, and i wish we were together, either here or there... and i know that when i see you again it will be so special...to share stories and emotions and excitements and life together... so stay in touch with me too, i love hearing about you also, honestly... i love day-to-day life stuff (reading, napping, drawing, eating... thinking... you get the idea!)... i do it here also, just sometimes i do ridiculous stuff too...
on that note, i will now move on to the jungle... ha ha... smooth huh? i sort of prepared an outline for this email (holy can you say ex-university student!), and i realized that it seemed to sort of split into 2 sort of themes, sort of yin-yang, man-woman... not totally in order, but sort of...
there is Jungle Baby, and Kamallama Woman Teachings... These are split up by The Travel Binge... so, here i go...
Jungle Baby...
so, adventure begins with me taking a big journey (as usual in India!) into the jungle, a couple days of travelling, hulahooping in the railway station in goa, and befriending a man named Jacob who lived where i was going so he really made the transition easier, he even carried my bag sometimes...(amy!!! see, im not always the man!)...I arrived in the jungle, so far from a big city, so far from internet and blah blah blah... Silent Valley National Park land... in northern Kerala (southern India)...
Malleshwaram Jungle Lodge is the name, Dominic runs the show there! 33years old, owning 10 acres or so of land, pure land, in the jungle, and this lodge. I heard about him through some wonderful kids i met at the juggling convention in goa. He really made sure that i was comfortable and happy, makes you feel at home. Baby (what a name, huh?) is the older man who really taught me a lot. Baby is the man who does everything from cooking to cleaning to trekking to playing chess etc. He is 64 and 7 months old, and he gave me so much wisdom about a range of things...and the truth is, he is a very simple man, with very simple needs. He told me that during monsoon season, for 15 days there were no guests, and dominic wasn't there, there was just rain... ALL day... And he is the kind of man who just would sit... watch... be... that whole time, solo. He's been there for 15 years, he planned or sort of set up the place... Dominic has been there for 13 years, and is the business behind it...it is dominics... but to me, baby is the soul... you dont know it until you spend time with him...
Baby really made my time at the lodge what i needed it to be, my friend julii said to me 'i hope your journey in the jungle provides you with what you need'... and i think he truly made it happen, along with Kamalamma- lets call her the resident 'housewife'. I went on a few treks with baby, and i also went into the park one day with some french ladies and indian young photographer George, who i will send you to with any southern India nature picture wishes... He posted some photos of our trip into Silent Valley Park, so you can find me there... http://www.peermade.info/travel/
The basics... i slept in a little hut with glass windows looking out onto the jungle-side... the lush green tangled web of life... my homey-hut had its own bathroom and shower, and it was like my own little retreat centre for 6 nights... also the most expensive yetfor me in my travels , ironically because it is in the most basic place... but, a bit more complicated to get there etc, and it was so worth it completely... so now im taking accomodation more simply for a bit again (a.k.a. somewhat dodgy, this time with uncomfortably leering men... but i have a lock on my door, and realistically, i could kick their asses, excuse my french, but im a pretty big tough chicka, if i need to be!) Anyways, hut... totally basic bamboo round hut, a double bed, what luxury... and true peace and quiet... just the sounds of the creatures and the breeze... for a week... haaaah... deep breathe out...
it was lovely and amazing and beautiful and real and what nature and life is really all about... I saw so many butterflies and monkeys and birds and a big squirrel and so many hibiscus flowers (my fave, along with orchids!), fruits and veggies and ayurvedic 'medicine' bits and pieces galore... fresh organically grown alive jackfruit, bananas, cashew nut trees that smell like frangipani flowers... mangoes, coconut, papaya, coffee, tapioca, cardamom ( i even ate a fresh cardamom pod!), rubber trees, spiral plants and trees, trees that are at least 30 feet in radius, maybe probably more... maybe im exagerating, but HUGE... variety upon variety of bamboo... everything in nature is 'something'... it does something somehow to feed, nourish, make shelter out of, cleaning the air... healing... that really is the amazing reality of nature when it is organically living... that really is living off the land...
like the tribal people, they call them... the people who truly live off the land... really truly... like build huts out of naturally growing bamboo, go the streams for water, and bathing... eat from the land, live in the land, in and amongst the creatures... they live in huts that they may move from every 6 months or so, with the weather, with the fruits/veggies/crops, depending on what is the season... they may sleep beside their crops beside a fire so they can watch it all, because wild boars(pigs) and dogs and elephants are known to come in and eat their livelihood, so they sleep beside them to protect them...
i saw many of these people, they do look actually quite different, more 'primitive' like, more indigenous to the land... it only makes sense, and it's only beautiful, and they smiled at me, and i clearly smiled at them, we looked at eachother... but only in wonderful ways of curiousity... to me they are like superior beings. They are nature... i am city. I learn from and pray to nature... they live it, more then i do, so there is a lot of respect there. The women wear cotton material shaped like tube dresses, shoulders and arms bare. Their skin is so black, exposed to the sun.
I wonder what life is like for them during the harshest of the monsoon season in june and july... How is their life then? it's amazing ya know... they deal with such extreme weather, and that is life... so they have methods to live completely with nature's beautiful madness... i wonder what they are?
the stream has cold water that is so refreshing to wash with while trekking, apparently to drink as well. I am sure it would be sweet, like the air... the air is so sweet and fresh, even tho it is hot... and it changes. I do not even know how to describe what is smells like because it is indescribable, purely sensual... Only your sense can judge the smell... think an amazing combination of fresh mountain air, with the humidity and heat of the jungle... making the mixture of plants and trees and flowers and bamboo and ayurvedic herbs and fruits all come together to make one smell that changes from moment to moment, step to step... and you really want to breathe it in... because you will never smell a smell like this again...
...we do not see any elephants, we came too late in the day, the sun is hot... Baby says the animals come back in the evening to drink... even the elephants do... as sad as i am that i didn't see them, i totally understand and feel thankful and happy to know that i am in a place where the elephants still truly roam and live... naturally and freely in the nature in which they were born and can eat what their habitat provides for them...
and the breeze... wheeeeeewww... wow... amazing... It's like it starts, and you can feel it is about to begin... And then it suddenly just gusts and all the palm and coconuts and banana leaves sway with the wind, leaves fall... you hear them rustle down throughout the forest, to the ground, back to the earth, where they originally came from... like we all did. The feeling of the breeze, because it is so hot... it's like it takes you into the breeze for those moments, you just breathe WITH the wind... and it is a strong breeze that just keeps on going... and eventually it dies down... and you hear the birds again, and the rustling of the creatures around... really really amazing...
i saw a man up in the tree, collecting/cutting firewood, but he was like 60-70 feet up (potential exageration again!) There were no steps or even nooks on that tree to help him up there... so i don't really understand how he got up there, or how he is getting down- but apparently he'll be keeping warm with all that collected firewood, like an animal, for survival. You think i could climb a tree like that? Absolutely not! but to see that man up there... a person gettin' right down to our natural animalistic being, up there in the tree... it was amazing...
a little excerpt from my journal: 'y'now, right now, i just looked in my bathroom sink, and not only was there the normal trails and hang-out spot the ants love to occupy, but there was also a massive SLUG hanging out and taking over a 3rd of the drain... ha ha... i love the jungle...' There were always lines of ants all over the place... always on missions those ants, and always together. I flushed many of those ants down the drain, the toilet, and many ended up stuck to my soap... i know it sounds dirty... ants stuck to soap used to clean... yes, but you can't really escape the nature when you are in it... nor should you really want to. I slept with bugs, i mean, my hut was clean, but i was in their turf and i don't want to live in a spotlessly clean disinfected completely 'hygenic' anything. Let us be honest here... mother earth didn't make nature like that. It is good for us. I wish my body was as strong and connected to my environment as i believe it should be... and so i keep learning...
i met an elephant named Apu, he works in Pettikal, the small not-even-village where the lodge was, he eats 8kg of rice mixed with turmeric powder in the morning before work, and 3-4 kilos at nite....he helps with pulling the wood they cut, but i guess elephants do odds and ends of jobs....when i saw him he was on 'break'..just standing there, in the teeny 'village', as elephants do, ya know....it was so amazing to just check him out, see what an elephant is like, their general nature, how their body moves, i checked another elephant out in a temple in Hampi, but it wasn't the same as Apu...i gave him a banana....i threw it to him, you can't go too close...he was an 'angry' elephant as Baby said....i loved the way baby spoke, we had many times where there was serious language barrier, but i started to understand what he meant by certain words he said....so angry meant more tempermental.... quick to anger.....so i gave Apu one banana, he ate that quickly, and checked me out and put his trunk out as if to say 'more, more, more'.... i didnt have anymore.... and he actually picked up a stick and THREW it at me....can you believe it???? how dare he.... ha aha .....so that was Apu!
my last 2 days dominic and Sabine, his girlfriend from France went outtta 'town', so it was me alone at home with baby, and kamalamma (the cooking/cleaning/housewife diva) and a couple tribal local guys building a simple shelter for some workers coming....and the last night BAby and Walleri (tribal dude!) and i went out for an evening trek, so it was partially in the dark....it started off around 4pm, still hot, still sun, taking shortcuts, not clear routes, but walleri was equipped with a knife and the knowledge and experience of this land because this is his home, this is where he is from, he knows the creatures, the paths, the plants, and the people...the environemnt, so i am completely comfortable and have total faith in him, and in Baby in leading me....knowing it would be dark for much of our trek....amazing...so beautiful, i will never ever forget this one picture i have in my head, after sunset, just as it was really darkening, we arrived in this valley, water flowing in this stream, bamboo shoots and leaves filling the valley, along with many other trees and greenery, very green....a couple tribal houses opposite the stream where i was, walleri went to see the people, and i just watched the valley darken, the colours change, the environemnt changing....and then the family came out...it was too dark to see, but mama, dada, and 3 kids....them looking at me, me looking at them, its dark...baby tells me its just them, no neighbours....just them and their land...what i love the most about people who have dark/black skin (and there are many things that i LOVE...about them, and relaly all people)..is that when they smile, their smile just jumps right out of their face, and in the dark, its like all i could see was their smiles of curiousity and awe....and this valley, it gets dark so we are just sitting across from eachother, separated by a stream just sitting.... and all of a sudden i see little speks of light, and then more...and then the valley is FILLED with sparkling fireflies......woooooww......can you believe it??? could you imagine living in a beautiful valley where every night the fireflies roam?? my eyes must have reached full capacity looking out onto this site of beauty that i still don't even understand....the oldest boy caught one and gave it to me...and i watched this little creature with a glowing ass (ha ha!) crawl around on my hand for a little while, quite comfortable on me, i was very happy to see.....i love when the creatures play on me....
and then we had to go....i waved and smiled goodbye, turned on my handy dandy headlamp, and we walked for an hour or so home...back through the bush, stopping at a tribal home for some water....walleri in front shining his light to look for watching eyes...creatures, maybe wil dogs, or boars that can be vicious, baby behind me....for my protection....im not scared, b/c i have my trust in their protection, but they were very alert.....
throughout my stay, i went to the closest tea stall with baby for his regular daily morning tea and newspaper pick-up, he informed me that obama was going into office the next day, and then showed me the front page of the paper (in Hindu of course) the next day of obama IN office....very happy and wonderful, i tried to make them understand i was not american, but who really cares.....we would go, and have tea, and a snack....'its very good to walk every day' he would say....sometimes it would be 'its very good to walk in the evening', sometimes it would be every morning, or just generally walking....but 'see me, i am 64 and 7 months old...its very important to exercise, i walk 20- 30km a day in treks'...and you know....its all true....never out of breath, always happy and content, always peaceful....sometimes make little jokes that were sort of funny, but funny moreso because his laugh and smile was really enjoyable.....hes missing a couple or few front teeth...i dont know exactly, it never seemed that important....and hes one of the rare indian men with a balding head.... and when he would smile he would just be having s much fun in his humour...he was always smoking beedies, and he was generally a very healthy man with food and his body and well being, so he would always joke about how he needed a 'pollution certificate' for smoking so many beedies, like cars, when they make too much pollution get pollution tickets or warning...he would laugh and laugh about how he needed on for smoking the beedies....hilarious, i must admit that i have started smoking a beedy a day since ive been there....yikes...i guess i need a certificate too....we shared one at night while i would tutor him on chess...he didnt think i should smoke, but well, i dunno, i wanted to....and i am an adult, there is a time and place for everything, and now i enjoy having a beedie at times when i want one! he would say that the people at this tea shop were 'all ordinary people' meaning everyone is normal, just average people....work, family, sleep, tea....ordinary...this was a good thing, to be an ordinary person...i explained how it was the same for me when i was at home...every day i would sit with a friend or two (hippy diva mama....you know im talking about you!) and have coffee.... in my community,...the same place, every day, before or after work....having our coffee and talking, the neighbourhood hanging out together, and he understood what i meant...it was nice that we could share this similarity of lives even though our lives are really SO different....
but one of the most beautiful things that baby said when we were on the hike my last night, that brought tears of truth to my eyes....was
'we did not make this....god made this'...... he was talking about the nature, he was talking about the beauty of nature....he was talking about mother nature....and i totally agree.....
the morning i left, i was planning to go to cochin, a colonized coastal town with churches, mosques, temples and even a synagogue....but as baby and i were waiting for my jeep outta there....he said cochin was a 'rush city'....meaning everyone moves 'fast fast'....its a big city....too fast....i said 'where do you like?' he said 'allepey.....loud people.....nice beach, and lighthouse....ordinary people'.....honestly.... i trust baby.... so i left, and as i got in the jeep, i knew where i was going next......no rules right....its the beauty of freedom.....
Travel Binge
so i left that morning at around 11am....jeep, bus, bus, bus, numerous hours of bumpiness and chaos on the roads...sleepy, hot, so dirty and sticky.....but on a roll of some sort...i was right in 'it'...the flow....i thought maybe i would just stay at the city of thrissur for the night....id taken many buses that day....the sun was setting....but i went to a couple hotels, all full....so i went to the train station, and bought a train ticket leaving at 9:30 that night going to allepey....why not i guess? I MEAN, I was on a roll...i wanted to keep going...it was like a bender...you know when someone is on a bender, they have been partying for days and days....just keep on going...like xmas time....its like it all flows into itself....it was like that, i was on a bender, a travel bender....i saw some israelis trying to buy train tickets, and i asked them about a place to stay in Allepey, they looked in their trusty lonely planet, translated and gave me some phone numbers, i called and got a place booked in Allepey booked for the night, i would arrive at 1am..... perfect....it all works out.....
Kamallama Woman Teachings
the only thing is....i was taking a general class train in the middle of the night aka no assigned seating, i didnt think to ask that with my trvel bender mentality...and i am by myself, and i had been travelling all day, and i was sleepy....what was i thinking...all the parents in my life should have warning bells going off in their head....they were in mine too...but i was too sleepy and had jungle fever..and (rightly) had so much faith in the flow of life that well, i just went with it....and it turned out to be a beautiful journey, for totally unexpected reasons.... i was taking general class....but because of indias bizarrely sexualized culture....there was a separate car- the ladies compartment...so although i was in general 'squish yourself and all of your family and stuff in' class, i was safe with all women and children....and it was really another one of the most beautiful experiences....i was sleepy and tired, but really my energy was completely open to life coming my way...not too much thinking or concerns...just flowing..
train comes, i find the car...and, not surprising, i ended up with all eyes on me....all women....beautiful coloured sequined silk saris(more sparkle and sequins in the south...i love it!!!) , long black braided hair, gold earrings and nose rings and bangles....beautiful......all looking at me...taking me in as much as they could....me, just breathing....allowing and letting it happen....and then it started....one talks to me,and then it is this curious bombardment of wonderful questions....where are you from? are you travelling alone? are you married? you like Kerala? how long will you stay? what is your age? you have brothers and sisters? where is your family? what is your profession? where is your hair? what are these (pointing at my weird earrings)? sometimes it was full sentences, sometimes no language, just pointing.....but all these women, from all heights, and all directions, (i was sitting on my bag on the ground in the central walkway- a good seat i must say!)....maybe 30-40 women i had eye contact and smile connection goin on.....and their kids......there was this boy, maybe 16 years old with his mom...he was sort of drumming with his hands and feet....i explained to him in our language commonalities that i have a brother who is 20 years old, and he also drums all the time with his hands and feet, he teaches drums, soon tablas too..... this boy was really happy to hear this....so we were buddies too....it was only a few hours experience this trip....but a beautiful comforting one...i thought that i was going to be on a train with so many people, many men staring very uncomfortably at me, at night time...not such a good situation...i would be sleepy....but it turned out i was surrounded by mamas and sistas and my womanly friends and safe comfort sistren, who sit with eachothers kids and families on laps sharing space and lives....all strangers, but all women...their lives all consist of the same things....mothering, cooking, housework- this is their lives, and they all share this, only a fraction of them would have jobs....and they took care of me....they took care of me and i mean they comforted me, i knew i was safe, i knew i was taken care of, even loved it felt like...they smiled at me, they smiled with me....they were curious towards me....when i answered about my hair, told them it fell out after my mom died...they understood and empathized with me in the most real way....their smiles really said it all.....
i dont know how to explain it, but this train ride was really a very soul and heart nurturing experience, its like i was totally raw, open and exposed, in a very receptive way, a good way... because of the combination of being sleepy, and of being brought back to the basicness of mother nature for a week in the jungle....i was very sensitive to what i was surrounded by...and its like i was cushioned with love and nurtured with kind human womanly mothering warmth....... and it was kind of neat, becasue the last hour, most of it was spent in and out of sleepy moments, and when my stop came, many of the friendly familiar faces were in the same sleeping states....so i kind of snuck out, with a few hushed smiles and namastes......it was really beautiful....it felt dreamlike....and we were all connected in this state...and as i got off, and was putting my bag on, the drummer boy woke up and gave me a big goodbye...my brother ya know.....we were all family.....
sometimes things happen exactly as they should....that complete day was one of those....everything flowed into itself, as it should, and does, when you have faith in it...and it was beautiful......i got off the train, into an auto rickshaw, tuk tuk in central america lingo....and got to the guesthouse, showered and slept......
WAIT, i left out kamallama.....this is where things are out of order- i warned you about this email....but she is key to the yin of the yang, her feminine energy was central to this experience as well....she is from the jungle lodge....she was a woman who also added to my life...by what she does....cooking, washing, nurturing and taking care..... i will describe her with my associations to her... washing laundry, laughing,nakedness, strength and stamina..... i had smiled at her for the first few days, but she had 'no english'....but i needed to wash my clothes....so her and i went down to the well...with my huge stacks of clothes....and i dont even have that much...but i do....it put things into perspective as usual, when i realized how much i have in clothing and in life.... i will type my diary entry out for you to read about this situation....
'today she watched me do my laundry- very slowly, with not a fraction of the ease in which she did her few odds and ends- which were actually her much older husbands, she gave me pointers- and did the final rinse of a few of the pile i had, but she mostly just supported me by being there, sounds funny- but totally true. when i would feel tired, i would look over at her sitting calmly in the jungle- I felt happy she was just sitting, not working...i was happy she got a break- this woman, these women- all around the 'developing' and really also the developed world- in a different way- work SO hard ...in a way thats as if they hadn't done work at all- but the truth is- they're fuckin scrubbing and cleaning and cooking- all day- at their partners or households or maybe families/communities disposal. And they do not even see it as that....it is their role....their job...
and when the washing was done, we washed ourselves, we shared our woman- and i was so honoured and thankful....it was like a ritual that women do together here...and i paid my dues, i scrubbed my laundry on the rock....and it was seriously tough when you do it correctly, i've been half-assing my laundry since ive been here....i needed to learn jungle styles....
she brought a new underskirt and momo-type dress they wear in south india, stripped off the old dress, and pulled up the underskirt so the centre of her breaasts was visible, and the shape of her 45 year old hard-working body as well. And she washed herself and her momentarily previous dress as well. she scrubbed herself GOOD, she even rubbed the bottom of her feet against the same rock we had just scrubbed our clothes against, and she scrubbed her legs, and her womanly areas- though she was still covered by her underskirt.Her arms, breasts, neck, face hair. With the bucket from the well- refilled a few times, and a extra cup to assist.
She laughed at me, and me at myself at how i tried to copy her sort of. I'm completely comfortable with my body and being naked, BUT, I want to be respectful and proper towards her...and she is used to this_ i think this is her daily afternoon routine- but it was my first time. So i followed by stripping off everything, and doing it wearing just a sarong...it worked out pretty well- but i know there were some ass and boob sightings on my part...but in a way- i almost want to. Its a sharing of woman- I am a different body, a different colour...but the same. And we all like looking at eachother- it is a woman thing, and it is a human thing.'
We laughed a lot, and continued to laugh at eachother and she would tease me about my wussy washing capabilities the next couple of days before i left. We shared something that made both of us smile and laugh and be happy, and brought our sisterhood/womanhood connection together, and in India, the ladies stick together, they have to....it is where they are able to be the most free and open....
The commonalities between the women on the train and Kamalamma is that the entire conversations were based upon only body and hand language, facial expressions andbits of language that we both do not understand, and thus, it was beyond words, it is the understanding that comes from the heart...and the soul, and the mind....and it is lovely....
Finale......
now im in allepey...yesterday i woke up, found my way to some food and tea....sat down at a little corner, and just watched for a while....then i went home, and slept it- it is so hot here in the afternoon, and pretty much all the time...it is really heating up here, i will leave by march one to go up north, and it will be sweating hot down here, i am already sweating my brains out...so we'll see how that changes...then i came back out to see what was goin on i guess....nothing was open, it was sunday, i really wanted to start writing this email (i like to get my thoughts out before i am too much into a new environment!), but it was sunday....and i went into a ring shop randomly, it is rare that i look at jewellery, the last time i got my nose pierced! ..and the man was so nice- and he pretty much told me to go to the beach, on sunday it is the busiest, and it was heading towards sunset....so ya know what, i just did, i just went with it....and there were SO many people there....completely indian, 3-7 other white kids....just the whole allepey and area crew came together to hang out at the beach, only men in the water wearing white briefs...women still fully clothed in saris on the beach.....(this is a think moment for you to process that....however you want to.....)...children flying kites- probably 100-200 in the sky, like the beach was PACKED...some stereo sytem playing some music...sun setting over the water....families, and groups...so nice...so many people....it was lovely to just be there in their fun.....i had many conversations with different groups, its wicked, people just come up to you and ask many of the questions i mentioned above about the train ride, and it is so fun to tell them about your life, and you get to ask questions too! i love the curiosity of these human beings, honestly....what a wonderful human trait...curiosity....my advice for the day...be curious.....enjoy your curiosity, let it flow out, let it be more free, its not bad, it is good...i disagree, i do NOT think curiosity killed the cat, i think it probably led a much more fulfilling life because it was curious....ask questions, look, open your eyes, thhink, ponder and be curious.....
on that note, im done....i've typed pretty much all day today, minus a few breaks to do essential things like eating, peeing, relaxing, washing myself...yeah, a very tough life i lead huh? this is the time to do it....and so i fully appreciate it! but this is a very important email....and it is just very important to tell you these things....the more i write, the more i feel happy this is getting spread around...its a really nice sharing between me and you....and 'you' are so many people....but, i read in my hatha yoga 'bible' that i started reading in Varanasi, about the concept of 'the unity amidst seeming diversity- how they are only elements of a greater Self...which includes all diversities and relative contradictions within itself'...and well....we are all one and the same....
im glad we are connected....and we are!
lots of love to you, and thus to me....always!~
Sunni
p.s. dominic sent me this link too....of some pics of silent valley park.
http://picasaweb.google.co.in/attapady/SilentValleyNationalPark#
p.p.s. ive attached 2 pictures from silent valley, you can see the evergreen covered mountains, and a big beautiful tree, and also the lovely wonderful and inspiring sign as we were leaving the park...i really took it to heart, and will apply this way of thinking even more into my life...it was a wonderful positive reminder.....George took these- he is the one from the peermade site i gave you earlier on in the email. and i also atrtached another picture a guy took while i was in Tamil Nadu of me hula hooping...my stomach looks oddly chunky in that....i dunno what was going on....but i dunno, i like that picture....its relaly happy, and i just gave that shirt away to a really lovely monkey-like woman named LiLa from england....monkey like because in Goa she climbed up a banyon tree and sat in a nest-like nook, and monkeys were up playing with her too....anyways, it was s shirt given to me from the lovely newly married angela in toronto, and passed on to a different lovely woman....
ok, im really done this time....have a lovely day!!!!
To me, it is the same things we are all praying for. When i usually respond with something along the lines of 'well, i do believe in Jesus, he was a noble human being... the truth is i moreso believe in mother earth, mother nature... that is my 'god' of choice....', people generally seem to be okay with that....so we have a nice exchange....
but today, after really being shaken up by my dream of Ginny, i went to the temple... It is a very nice temple here in Allapphuzza (Alleppey) because some of the temple gods are beside trees. So while praying to the statue of the god, i am simultaneously praying to the tree, to the mama earth beside the statue of the god. I use these settings and places as a chance to pray... i pray with the same respect that the people who KNOW who the god is pray with/for... does that make sense? i take it as an opportunity to pray, even though i may not necessarily be praying to that particular god, i may not even know who it is, or what it stands for... but i do know that many people come to that god with wishes and prayers, so in respecting that god, i am also respecting them and their life wishes. Anyways, you get my point i hope...ha ha...
Along with the trees accompanying your prayers in this temple, there is even one spot to pray to the planets, which i really liked. To the sun and the moon i already do pray and have much faith for, but this little prayer 'hut' incorporated many planets and constallations, which many indigineous religions and philosophies take to heart too...
so basically, i went to the temple and had a bit of a cry and many moments for Ginny, my family and basically all of you as well... for anyone who listens and who cares not just about me and eachother but for the well being of all of us... for the unity within the diversity...
then i called my dad, and the phone cut out... sorry dad... hee hee... it's India... ya just never know here...
i just want you to know that sometimes i am adventuring, and sometimes i am just reading and thinking and being homesick too! this trip i have really been thinking about all of you at home... the truth is, i do not know when i am coming home, but i really want to sometimes. I miss all of you... i really love being close to the people i love... knowing that if anything was to happen i could be on a bus and within a day, im there... its more complicated to really stay in touch while away... i know you all understand, but i want to just take a moment to say that i really really love and appreciate all of you, and i know i am not there with you, but i think of you often, like really often sometimes... and i miss you, and i wish we were together, either here or there... and i know that when i see you again it will be so special...to share stories and emotions and excitements and life together... so stay in touch with me too, i love hearing about you also, honestly... i love day-to-day life stuff (reading, napping, drawing, eating... thinking... you get the idea!)... i do it here also, just sometimes i do ridiculous stuff too...
on that note, i will now move on to the jungle... ha ha... smooth huh? i sort of prepared an outline for this email (holy can you say ex-university student!), and i realized that it seemed to sort of split into 2 sort of themes, sort of yin-yang, man-woman... not totally in order, but sort of...
there is Jungle Baby, and Kamallama Woman Teachings... These are split up by The Travel Binge... so, here i go...
Jungle Baby...
so, adventure begins with me taking a big journey (as usual in India!) into the jungle, a couple days of travelling, hulahooping in the railway station in goa, and befriending a man named Jacob who lived where i was going so he really made the transition easier, he even carried my bag sometimes...(amy!!! see, im not always the man!)...I arrived in the jungle, so far from a big city, so far from internet and blah blah blah... Silent Valley National Park land... in northern Kerala (southern India)...
Malleshwaram Jungle Lodge is the name, Dominic runs the show there! 33years old, owning 10 acres or so of land, pure land, in the jungle, and this lodge. I heard about him through some wonderful kids i met at the juggling convention in goa. He really made sure that i was comfortable and happy, makes you feel at home. Baby (what a name, huh?) is the older man who really taught me a lot. Baby is the man who does everything from cooking to cleaning to trekking to playing chess etc. He is 64 and 7 months old, and he gave me so much wisdom about a range of things...and the truth is, he is a very simple man, with very simple needs. He told me that during monsoon season, for 15 days there were no guests, and dominic wasn't there, there was just rain... ALL day... And he is the kind of man who just would sit... watch... be... that whole time, solo. He's been there for 15 years, he planned or sort of set up the place... Dominic has been there for 13 years, and is the business behind it...it is dominics... but to me, baby is the soul... you dont know it until you spend time with him...
Baby really made my time at the lodge what i needed it to be, my friend julii said to me 'i hope your journey in the jungle provides you with what you need'... and i think he truly made it happen, along with Kamalamma- lets call her the resident 'housewife'. I went on a few treks with baby, and i also went into the park one day with some french ladies and indian young photographer George, who i will send you to with any southern India nature picture wishes... He posted some photos of our trip into Silent Valley Park, so you can find me there... http://www.peermade.info/travel/
The basics... i slept in a little hut with glass windows looking out onto the jungle-side... the lush green tangled web of life... my homey-hut had its own bathroom and shower, and it was like my own little retreat centre for 6 nights... also the most expensive yetfor me in my travels , ironically because it is in the most basic place... but, a bit more complicated to get there etc, and it was so worth it completely... so now im taking accomodation more simply for a bit again (a.k.a. somewhat dodgy, this time with uncomfortably leering men... but i have a lock on my door, and realistically, i could kick their asses, excuse my french, but im a pretty big tough chicka, if i need to be!) Anyways, hut... totally basic bamboo round hut, a double bed, what luxury... and true peace and quiet... just the sounds of the creatures and the breeze... for a week... haaaah... deep breathe out...
it was lovely and amazing and beautiful and real and what nature and life is really all about... I saw so many butterflies and monkeys and birds and a big squirrel and so many hibiscus flowers (my fave, along with orchids!), fruits and veggies and ayurvedic 'medicine' bits and pieces galore... fresh organically grown alive jackfruit, bananas, cashew nut trees that smell like frangipani flowers... mangoes, coconut, papaya, coffee, tapioca, cardamom ( i even ate a fresh cardamom pod!), rubber trees, spiral plants and trees, trees that are at least 30 feet in radius, maybe probably more... maybe im exagerating, but HUGE... variety upon variety of bamboo... everything in nature is 'something'... it does something somehow to feed, nourish, make shelter out of, cleaning the air... healing... that really is the amazing reality of nature when it is organically living... that really is living off the land...
like the tribal people, they call them... the people who truly live off the land... really truly... like build huts out of naturally growing bamboo, go the streams for water, and bathing... eat from the land, live in the land, in and amongst the creatures... they live in huts that they may move from every 6 months or so, with the weather, with the fruits/veggies/crops, depending on what is the season... they may sleep beside their crops beside a fire so they can watch it all, because wild boars(pigs) and dogs and elephants are known to come in and eat their livelihood, so they sleep beside them to protect them...
i saw many of these people, they do look actually quite different, more 'primitive' like, more indigenous to the land... it only makes sense, and it's only beautiful, and they smiled at me, and i clearly smiled at them, we looked at eachother... but only in wonderful ways of curiousity... to me they are like superior beings. They are nature... i am city. I learn from and pray to nature... they live it, more then i do, so there is a lot of respect there. The women wear cotton material shaped like tube dresses, shoulders and arms bare. Their skin is so black, exposed to the sun.
I wonder what life is like for them during the harshest of the monsoon season in june and july... How is their life then? it's amazing ya know... they deal with such extreme weather, and that is life... so they have methods to live completely with nature's beautiful madness... i wonder what they are?
the stream has cold water that is so refreshing to wash with while trekking, apparently to drink as well. I am sure it would be sweet, like the air... the air is so sweet and fresh, even tho it is hot... and it changes. I do not even know how to describe what is smells like because it is indescribable, purely sensual... Only your sense can judge the smell... think an amazing combination of fresh mountain air, with the humidity and heat of the jungle... making the mixture of plants and trees and flowers and bamboo and ayurvedic herbs and fruits all come together to make one smell that changes from moment to moment, step to step... and you really want to breathe it in... because you will never smell a smell like this again...
...we do not see any elephants, we came too late in the day, the sun is hot... Baby says the animals come back in the evening to drink... even the elephants do... as sad as i am that i didn't see them, i totally understand and feel thankful and happy to know that i am in a place where the elephants still truly roam and live... naturally and freely in the nature in which they were born and can eat what their habitat provides for them...
and the breeze... wheeeeeewww... wow... amazing... It's like it starts, and you can feel it is about to begin... And then it suddenly just gusts and all the palm and coconuts and banana leaves sway with the wind, leaves fall... you hear them rustle down throughout the forest, to the ground, back to the earth, where they originally came from... like we all did. The feeling of the breeze, because it is so hot... it's like it takes you into the breeze for those moments, you just breathe WITH the wind... and it is a strong breeze that just keeps on going... and eventually it dies down... and you hear the birds again, and the rustling of the creatures around... really really amazing...
i saw a man up in the tree, collecting/cutting firewood, but he was like 60-70 feet up (potential exageration again!) There were no steps or even nooks on that tree to help him up there... so i don't really understand how he got up there, or how he is getting down- but apparently he'll be keeping warm with all that collected firewood, like an animal, for survival. You think i could climb a tree like that? Absolutely not! but to see that man up there... a person gettin' right down to our natural animalistic being, up there in the tree... it was amazing...
a little excerpt from my journal: 'y'now, right now, i just looked in my bathroom sink, and not only was there the normal trails and hang-out spot the ants love to occupy, but there was also a massive SLUG hanging out and taking over a 3rd of the drain... ha ha... i love the jungle...' There were always lines of ants all over the place... always on missions those ants, and always together. I flushed many of those ants down the drain, the toilet, and many ended up stuck to my soap... i know it sounds dirty... ants stuck to soap used to clean... yes, but you can't really escape the nature when you are in it... nor should you really want to. I slept with bugs, i mean, my hut was clean, but i was in their turf and i don't want to live in a spotlessly clean disinfected completely 'hygenic' anything. Let us be honest here... mother earth didn't make nature like that. It is good for us. I wish my body was as strong and connected to my environment as i believe it should be... and so i keep learning...
i met an elephant named Apu, he works in Pettikal, the small not-even-village where the lodge was, he eats 8kg of rice mixed with turmeric powder in the morning before work, and 3-4 kilos at nite....he helps with pulling the wood they cut, but i guess elephants do odds and ends of jobs....when i saw him he was on 'break'..just standing there, in the teeny 'village', as elephants do, ya know....it was so amazing to just check him out, see what an elephant is like, their general nature, how their body moves, i checked another elephant out in a temple in Hampi, but it wasn't the same as Apu...i gave him a banana....i threw it to him, you can't go too close...he was an 'angry' elephant as Baby said....i loved the way baby spoke, we had many times where there was serious language barrier, but i started to understand what he meant by certain words he said....so angry meant more tempermental.... quick to anger.....so i gave Apu one banana, he ate that quickly, and checked me out and put his trunk out as if to say 'more, more, more'.... i didnt have anymore.... and he actually picked up a stick and THREW it at me....can you believe it???? how dare he.... ha aha .....so that was Apu!
my last 2 days dominic and Sabine, his girlfriend from France went outtta 'town', so it was me alone at home with baby, and kamalamma (the cooking/cleaning/housewife diva) and a couple tribal local guys building a simple shelter for some workers coming....and the last night BAby and Walleri (tribal dude!) and i went out for an evening trek, so it was partially in the dark....it started off around 4pm, still hot, still sun, taking shortcuts, not clear routes, but walleri was equipped with a knife and the knowledge and experience of this land because this is his home, this is where he is from, he knows the creatures, the paths, the plants, and the people...the environemnt, so i am completely comfortable and have total faith in him, and in Baby in leading me....knowing it would be dark for much of our trek....amazing...so beautiful, i will never ever forget this one picture i have in my head, after sunset, just as it was really darkening, we arrived in this valley, water flowing in this stream, bamboo shoots and leaves filling the valley, along with many other trees and greenery, very green....a couple tribal houses opposite the stream where i was, walleri went to see the people, and i just watched the valley darken, the colours change, the environemnt changing....and then the family came out...it was too dark to see, but mama, dada, and 3 kids....them looking at me, me looking at them, its dark...baby tells me its just them, no neighbours....just them and their land...what i love the most about people who have dark/black skin (and there are many things that i LOVE...about them, and relaly all people)..is that when they smile, their smile just jumps right out of their face, and in the dark, its like all i could see was their smiles of curiousity and awe....and this valley, it gets dark so we are just sitting across from eachother, separated by a stream just sitting.... and all of a sudden i see little speks of light, and then more...and then the valley is FILLED with sparkling fireflies......woooooww......can you believe it??? could you imagine living in a beautiful valley where every night the fireflies roam?? my eyes must have reached full capacity looking out onto this site of beauty that i still don't even understand....the oldest boy caught one and gave it to me...and i watched this little creature with a glowing ass (ha ha!) crawl around on my hand for a little while, quite comfortable on me, i was very happy to see.....i love when the creatures play on me....
and then we had to go....i waved and smiled goodbye, turned on my handy dandy headlamp, and we walked for an hour or so home...back through the bush, stopping at a tribal home for some water....walleri in front shining his light to look for watching eyes...creatures, maybe wil dogs, or boars that can be vicious, baby behind me....for my protection....im not scared, b/c i have my trust in their protection, but they were very alert.....
throughout my stay, i went to the closest tea stall with baby for his regular daily morning tea and newspaper pick-up, he informed me that obama was going into office the next day, and then showed me the front page of the paper (in Hindu of course) the next day of obama IN office....very happy and wonderful, i tried to make them understand i was not american, but who really cares.....we would go, and have tea, and a snack....'its very good to walk every day' he would say....sometimes it would be 'its very good to walk in the evening', sometimes it would be every morning, or just generally walking....but 'see me, i am 64 and 7 months old...its very important to exercise, i walk 20- 30km a day in treks'...and you know....its all true....never out of breath, always happy and content, always peaceful....sometimes make little jokes that were sort of funny, but funny moreso because his laugh and smile was really enjoyable.....hes missing a couple or few front teeth...i dont know exactly, it never seemed that important....and hes one of the rare indian men with a balding head.... and when he would smile he would just be having s much fun in his humour...he was always smoking beedies, and he was generally a very healthy man with food and his body and well being, so he would always joke about how he needed a 'pollution certificate' for smoking so many beedies, like cars, when they make too much pollution get pollution tickets or warning...he would laugh and laugh about how he needed on for smoking the beedies....hilarious, i must admit that i have started smoking a beedy a day since ive been there....yikes...i guess i need a certificate too....we shared one at night while i would tutor him on chess...he didnt think i should smoke, but well, i dunno, i wanted to....and i am an adult, there is a time and place for everything, and now i enjoy having a beedie at times when i want one! he would say that the people at this tea shop were 'all ordinary people' meaning everyone is normal, just average people....work, family, sleep, tea....ordinary...this was a good thing, to be an ordinary person...i explained how it was the same for me when i was at home...every day i would sit with a friend or two (hippy diva mama....you know im talking about you!) and have coffee.... in my community,...the same place, every day, before or after work....having our coffee and talking, the neighbourhood hanging out together, and he understood what i meant...it was nice that we could share this similarity of lives even though our lives are really SO different....
but one of the most beautiful things that baby said when we were on the hike my last night, that brought tears of truth to my eyes....was
'we did not make this....god made this'...... he was talking about the nature, he was talking about the beauty of nature....he was talking about mother nature....and i totally agree.....
the morning i left, i was planning to go to cochin, a colonized coastal town with churches, mosques, temples and even a synagogue....but as baby and i were waiting for my jeep outta there....he said cochin was a 'rush city'....meaning everyone moves 'fast fast'....its a big city....too fast....i said 'where do you like?' he said 'allepey.....loud people.....nice beach, and lighthouse....ordinary people'.....honestly.... i trust baby.... so i left, and as i got in the jeep, i knew where i was going next......no rules right....its the beauty of freedom.....
Travel Binge
so i left that morning at around 11am....jeep, bus, bus, bus, numerous hours of bumpiness and chaos on the roads...sleepy, hot, so dirty and sticky.....but on a roll of some sort...i was right in 'it'...the flow....i thought maybe i would just stay at the city of thrissur for the night....id taken many buses that day....the sun was setting....but i went to a couple hotels, all full....so i went to the train station, and bought a train ticket leaving at 9:30 that night going to allepey....why not i guess? I MEAN, I was on a roll...i wanted to keep going...it was like a bender...you know when someone is on a bender, they have been partying for days and days....just keep on going...like xmas time....its like it all flows into itself....it was like that, i was on a bender, a travel bender....i saw some israelis trying to buy train tickets, and i asked them about a place to stay in Allepey, they looked in their trusty lonely planet, translated and gave me some phone numbers, i called and got a place booked in Allepey booked for the night, i would arrive at 1am..... perfect....it all works out.....
Kamallama Woman Teachings
the only thing is....i was taking a general class train in the middle of the night aka no assigned seating, i didnt think to ask that with my trvel bender mentality...and i am by myself, and i had been travelling all day, and i was sleepy....what was i thinking...all the parents in my life should have warning bells going off in their head....they were in mine too...but i was too sleepy and had jungle fever..and (rightly) had so much faith in the flow of life that well, i just went with it....and it turned out to be a beautiful journey, for totally unexpected reasons.... i was taking general class....but because of indias bizarrely sexualized culture....there was a separate car- the ladies compartment...so although i was in general 'squish yourself and all of your family and stuff in' class, i was safe with all women and children....and it was really another one of the most beautiful experiences....i was sleepy and tired, but really my energy was completely open to life coming my way...not too much thinking or concerns...just flowing..
train comes, i find the car...and, not surprising, i ended up with all eyes on me....all women....beautiful coloured sequined silk saris(more sparkle and sequins in the south...i love it!!!) , long black braided hair, gold earrings and nose rings and bangles....beautiful......all looking at me...taking me in as much as they could....me, just breathing....allowing and letting it happen....and then it started....one talks to me,and then it is this curious bombardment of wonderful questions....where are you from? are you travelling alone? are you married? you like Kerala? how long will you stay? what is your age? you have brothers and sisters? where is your family? what is your profession? where is your hair? what are these (pointing at my weird earrings)? sometimes it was full sentences, sometimes no language, just pointing.....but all these women, from all heights, and all directions, (i was sitting on my bag on the ground in the central walkway- a good seat i must say!)....maybe 30-40 women i had eye contact and smile connection goin on.....and their kids......there was this boy, maybe 16 years old with his mom...he was sort of drumming with his hands and feet....i explained to him in our language commonalities that i have a brother who is 20 years old, and he also drums all the time with his hands and feet, he teaches drums, soon tablas too..... this boy was really happy to hear this....so we were buddies too....it was only a few hours experience this trip....but a beautiful comforting one...i thought that i was going to be on a train with so many people, many men staring very uncomfortably at me, at night time...not such a good situation...i would be sleepy....but it turned out i was surrounded by mamas and sistas and my womanly friends and safe comfort sistren, who sit with eachothers kids and families on laps sharing space and lives....all strangers, but all women...their lives all consist of the same things....mothering, cooking, housework- this is their lives, and they all share this, only a fraction of them would have jobs....and they took care of me....they took care of me and i mean they comforted me, i knew i was safe, i knew i was taken care of, even loved it felt like...they smiled at me, they smiled with me....they were curious towards me....when i answered about my hair, told them it fell out after my mom died...they understood and empathized with me in the most real way....their smiles really said it all.....
i dont know how to explain it, but this train ride was really a very soul and heart nurturing experience, its like i was totally raw, open and exposed, in a very receptive way, a good way... because of the combination of being sleepy, and of being brought back to the basicness of mother nature for a week in the jungle....i was very sensitive to what i was surrounded by...and its like i was cushioned with love and nurtured with kind human womanly mothering warmth....... and it was kind of neat, becasue the last hour, most of it was spent in and out of sleepy moments, and when my stop came, many of the friendly familiar faces were in the same sleeping states....so i kind of snuck out, with a few hushed smiles and namastes......it was really beautiful....it felt dreamlike....and we were all connected in this state...and as i got off, and was putting my bag on, the drummer boy woke up and gave me a big goodbye...my brother ya know.....we were all family.....
sometimes things happen exactly as they should....that complete day was one of those....everything flowed into itself, as it should, and does, when you have faith in it...and it was beautiful......i got off the train, into an auto rickshaw, tuk tuk in central america lingo....and got to the guesthouse, showered and slept......
WAIT, i left out kamallama.....this is where things are out of order- i warned you about this email....but she is key to the yin of the yang, her feminine energy was central to this experience as well....she is from the jungle lodge....she was a woman who also added to my life...by what she does....cooking, washing, nurturing and taking care..... i will describe her with my associations to her... washing laundry, laughing,nakedness, strength and stamina..... i had smiled at her for the first few days, but she had 'no english'....but i needed to wash my clothes....so her and i went down to the well...with my huge stacks of clothes....and i dont even have that much...but i do....it put things into perspective as usual, when i realized how much i have in clothing and in life.... i will type my diary entry out for you to read about this situation....
'today she watched me do my laundry- very slowly, with not a fraction of the ease in which she did her few odds and ends- which were actually her much older husbands, she gave me pointers- and did the final rinse of a few of the pile i had, but she mostly just supported me by being there, sounds funny- but totally true. when i would feel tired, i would look over at her sitting calmly in the jungle- I felt happy she was just sitting, not working...i was happy she got a break- this woman, these women- all around the 'developing' and really also the developed world- in a different way- work SO hard ...in a way thats as if they hadn't done work at all- but the truth is- they're fuckin scrubbing and cleaning and cooking- all day- at their partners or households or maybe families/communities disposal. And they do not even see it as that....it is their role....their job...
and when the washing was done, we washed ourselves, we shared our woman- and i was so honoured and thankful....it was like a ritual that women do together here...and i paid my dues, i scrubbed my laundry on the rock....and it was seriously tough when you do it correctly, i've been half-assing my laundry since ive been here....i needed to learn jungle styles....
she brought a new underskirt and momo-type dress they wear in south india, stripped off the old dress, and pulled up the underskirt so the centre of her breaasts was visible, and the shape of her 45 year old hard-working body as well. And she washed herself and her momentarily previous dress as well. she scrubbed herself GOOD, she even rubbed the bottom of her feet against the same rock we had just scrubbed our clothes against, and she scrubbed her legs, and her womanly areas- though she was still covered by her underskirt.Her arms, breasts, neck, face hair. With the bucket from the well- refilled a few times, and a extra cup to assist.
She laughed at me, and me at myself at how i tried to copy her sort of. I'm completely comfortable with my body and being naked, BUT, I want to be respectful and proper towards her...and she is used to this_ i think this is her daily afternoon routine- but it was my first time. So i followed by stripping off everything, and doing it wearing just a sarong...it worked out pretty well- but i know there were some ass and boob sightings on my part...but in a way- i almost want to. Its a sharing of woman- I am a different body, a different colour...but the same. And we all like looking at eachother- it is a woman thing, and it is a human thing.'
We laughed a lot, and continued to laugh at eachother and she would tease me about my wussy washing capabilities the next couple of days before i left. We shared something that made both of us smile and laugh and be happy, and brought our sisterhood/womanhood connection together, and in India, the ladies stick together, they have to....it is where they are able to be the most free and open....
The commonalities between the women on the train and Kamalamma is that the entire conversations were based upon only body and hand language, facial expressions andbits of language that we both do not understand, and thus, it was beyond words, it is the understanding that comes from the heart...and the soul, and the mind....and it is lovely....
Finale......
now im in allepey...yesterday i woke up, found my way to some food and tea....sat down at a little corner, and just watched for a while....then i went home, and slept it- it is so hot here in the afternoon, and pretty much all the time...it is really heating up here, i will leave by march one to go up north, and it will be sweating hot down here, i am already sweating my brains out...so we'll see how that changes...then i came back out to see what was goin on i guess....nothing was open, it was sunday, i really wanted to start writing this email (i like to get my thoughts out before i am too much into a new environment!), but it was sunday....and i went into a ring shop randomly, it is rare that i look at jewellery, the last time i got my nose pierced! ..and the man was so nice- and he pretty much told me to go to the beach, on sunday it is the busiest, and it was heading towards sunset....so ya know what, i just did, i just went with it....and there were SO many people there....completely indian, 3-7 other white kids....just the whole allepey and area crew came together to hang out at the beach, only men in the water wearing white briefs...women still fully clothed in saris on the beach.....(this is a think moment for you to process that....however you want to.....)...children flying kites- probably 100-200 in the sky, like the beach was PACKED...some stereo sytem playing some music...sun setting over the water....families, and groups...so nice...so many people....it was lovely to just be there in their fun.....i had many conversations with different groups, its wicked, people just come up to you and ask many of the questions i mentioned above about the train ride, and it is so fun to tell them about your life, and you get to ask questions too! i love the curiosity of these human beings, honestly....what a wonderful human trait...curiosity....my advice for the day...be curious.....enjoy your curiosity, let it flow out, let it be more free, its not bad, it is good...i disagree, i do NOT think curiosity killed the cat, i think it probably led a much more fulfilling life because it was curious....ask questions, look, open your eyes, thhink, ponder and be curious.....
on that note, im done....i've typed pretty much all day today, minus a few breaks to do essential things like eating, peeing, relaxing, washing myself...yeah, a very tough life i lead huh? this is the time to do it....and so i fully appreciate it! but this is a very important email....and it is just very important to tell you these things....the more i write, the more i feel happy this is getting spread around...its a really nice sharing between me and you....and 'you' are so many people....but, i read in my hatha yoga 'bible' that i started reading in Varanasi, about the concept of 'the unity amidst seeming diversity- how they are only elements of a greater Self...which includes all diversities and relative contradictions within itself'...and well....we are all one and the same....
im glad we are connected....and we are!
lots of love to you, and thus to me....always!~
Sunni
p.s. dominic sent me this link too....of some pics of silent valley park.
http://picasaweb.google.co.in/attapady/SilentValleyNationalPark#
p.p.s. ive attached 2 pictures from silent valley, you can see the evergreen covered mountains, and a big beautiful tree, and also the lovely wonderful and inspiring sign as we were leaving the park...i really took it to heart, and will apply this way of thinking even more into my life...it was a wonderful positive reminder.....George took these- he is the one from the peermade site i gave you earlier on in the email. and i also atrtached another picture a guy took while i was in Tamil Nadu of me hula hooping...my stomach looks oddly chunky in that....i dunno what was going on....but i dunno, i like that picture....its relaly happy, and i just gave that shirt away to a really lovely monkey-like woman named LiLa from england....monkey like because in Goa she climbed up a banyon tree and sat in a nest-like nook, and monkeys were up playing with her too....anyways, it was s shirt given to me from the lovely newly married angela in toronto, and passed on to a different lovely woman....
ok, im really done this time....have a lovely day!!!!
Monday, August 17, 2009
India- March 8, 2009- International Women´s Day
Today i went to a Goddess Temple... I wore my sari... i talked to myself about what i love about my woman-ness, and our womanness... i prayed for women all around the world... all of them...
i sent my wishes and goodness to all of them, and to the GREATEST woman possible... mother earth... she is the creator, the destroyer, and all that is in between and above and beyond and before...
i made sure that all these women knew it was international womens day.... even the ´poor women´, as one woman working as an engineer said- ´the poor women would not even know'...
so i made sure they would know...
i got the men to explain... ha ha ha... look at what happens when you put a strong (white and therefore significantly privelaged) woman with a voice in charge... all of a sudden, these 'poor' women are celebrated...or at least informed that they are all over the world!!!
Thank G-d, thank Mother Earth... what a beautiful place to be for International Womens day... Tirupati, India...where bald is beautiful... and meaningful...
all over the world, half of the world's population...women
all of them lead such different lives... all of them share complete similarities...
how lovely... some, many are really struggling... and some are really comfortable... in the cold, in the heat, the sunshine, the cold rains... in houses, in huts... with chickens and wild boars, and domesticated cats and dogs... children- too many, one child, grandchildren, no children...
doing solid, physical labour, washing, a housewife, prostitute, CEO... mother...
the lists of diversities, the beautiful neverending, amazing diversities of womyn could go on... and on... I love it all... even if i do not like the situations for all of these woman, i still love them all.
We are woman... we are strong, and powerful, we can be independant, we can be reliant, weak, naive, protected, vocal, activists... but we are all one- we are all the same- we are- we are all women... all around the world... internationally... from village to mountain to city, to sea... in the air, under the water, on the land... we are everywhere...
and thank the greatest Mother for that, she whom gives us the life... to live these beautiful lives as women...
Happy International Woman's day DIVA'S!!!!!
i sent my wishes and goodness to all of them, and to the GREATEST woman possible... mother earth... she is the creator, the destroyer, and all that is in between and above and beyond and before...
i made sure that all these women knew it was international womens day.... even the ´poor women´, as one woman working as an engineer said- ´the poor women would not even know'...
so i made sure they would know...
i got the men to explain... ha ha ha... look at what happens when you put a strong (white and therefore significantly privelaged) woman with a voice in charge... all of a sudden, these 'poor' women are celebrated...or at least informed that they are all over the world!!!
Thank G-d, thank Mother Earth... what a beautiful place to be for International Womens day... Tirupati, India...where bald is beautiful... and meaningful...
all over the world, half of the world's population...women
all of them lead such different lives... all of them share complete similarities...
how lovely... some, many are really struggling... and some are really comfortable... in the cold, in the heat, the sunshine, the cold rains... in houses, in huts... with chickens and wild boars, and domesticated cats and dogs... children- too many, one child, grandchildren, no children...
doing solid, physical labour, washing, a housewife, prostitute, CEO... mother...
the lists of diversities, the beautiful neverending, amazing diversities of womyn could go on... and on... I love it all... even if i do not like the situations for all of these woman, i still love them all.
We are woman... we are strong, and powerful, we can be independant, we can be reliant, weak, naive, protected, vocal, activists... but we are all one- we are all the same- we are- we are all women... all around the world... internationally... from village to mountain to city, to sea... in the air, under the water, on the land... we are everywhere...
and thank the greatest Mother for that, she whom gives us the life... to live these beautiful lives as women...
Happy International Woman's day DIVA'S!!!!!
el camino...
life´s path....
do we ever really know?
do we ever really know?
really....
for all you planners out there,
can you ever really control it all?
the tricky and very lovely part about it is there is not a clear path...
because it is always changing...
we lose a brick here....
add a pebble here....
it grows new little sidepaths....
drops down a bit, a little closer to the centre...
but it is always changing....
and we are always navigating through it...
and we are sent all these lovely little surprises along the way...
and how do we incorporate them into our little paths?
we become like the water... the flowing entity...
that our imaginary paths exist on...
can you picture the path?
can you picture the water... can you imagine flowing like the water?
in and around and through and over and under...
life...
you are the navigator...
you are the experience - r...
and you actually are also...
the path...
do we ever really know?
do we ever really know?
really....
for all you planners out there,
can you ever really control it all?
the tricky and very lovely part about it is there is not a clear path...
because it is always changing...
we lose a brick here....
add a pebble here....
it grows new little sidepaths....
drops down a bit, a little closer to the centre...
but it is always changing....
and we are always navigating through it...
and we are sent all these lovely little surprises along the way...
and how do we incorporate them into our little paths?
we become like the water... the flowing entity...
that our imaginary paths exist on...
can you picture the path?
can you picture the water... can you imagine flowing like the water?
in and around and through and over and under...
life...
you are the navigator...
you are the experience - r...
and you actually are also...
the path...
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
orchid woman...
oh the orchids are so beautiful, so perfect...
their folds, their colours...
their detail- their perfection, the protector petal...
5 beautiful petals, one amazing centre...
you must be gentle with them, that's why she has her protective folds....
she only opens for certain periods of time, she spends much time waiting and preparing for her beautiful arrival...
mother earth nurtures her mother plant so when she is ready to emerge...
she blossoms into perfection...
she is so equisite in colour, in smoothness, in pattern and shape... in texture, in beauty, in smell...
and when there are many together... the perfection is even more breathtaking...
what an amazing specimen...
what an amazing being...
I am so honoured to have been in your presence... to have seen your perfection...
allowed my senses to play with your amazing beauty...
thank you mother earth for your creation...
the orchid woman...
their folds, their colours...
their detail- their perfection, the protector petal...
5 beautiful petals, one amazing centre...
you must be gentle with them, that's why she has her protective folds....
she only opens for certain periods of time, she spends much time waiting and preparing for her beautiful arrival...
mother earth nurtures her mother plant so when she is ready to emerge...
she blossoms into perfection...
she is so equisite in colour, in smoothness, in pattern and shape... in texture, in beauty, in smell...
and when there are many together... the perfection is even more breathtaking...
what an amazing specimen...
what an amazing being...
I am so honoured to have been in your presence... to have seen your perfection...
allowed my senses to play with your amazing beauty...
thank you mother earth for your creation...
the orchid woman...
Sunday, August 2, 2009
to sleep, or not to sleep...
I´m in the bust station- Tiburtina- in Roma...
not sleeping...
i was... and i just awoke to some man stinking like poop...
nooked right behind me...
not touching... but miliseconds after waking i was up sitting on my bag...
he is in the same place... eyes covered by a dirty shirt.... i am in the same new spot...
my bag- attached to my other 2 small bags by a lock... passport safely attached to my body...
my ´passport´ to the world...
i do not know why i need such an object...
i thought the world was free...
the earth does not naturally have a price- nor any boundaries...
and so i sit here... awake- listening to the shiffling of some cards... another more privelaged man shuffles all night....
i ´sleep´ here.. because well... i can not sleep for a couple nights...
i have come from a comfortable sleep- and i will go to a comfortable sleep again in a few days....
to travel and survive in europe is expensive...
the most expensive part is sleeping.. and transportation...
today i hitchiked here to Roma, was fed by different people, and am sleeping in the station....
almost a free day...
minus the cappucino , cafe machiatto and croissants i ate today for breakfast... look at these luxuries i had...
i have the choice to have these luxuies... i have made this choice to stay in europe- to see, feel, experience more of this world- very much on a budget...
but i have the freedom to make these choices...
i may not have much money anymore- in fact i am very much in debt... but there are SO many people waiting for me to come to their homes... to share with me...
to give me a place to sleep...
where no man will come and almost curl right into me...
in my innocent moments of sleep...
i am not hurt, scared or harmed by this...
i have had much worse, and more invasive things happen to me during my adventures that have at times challenged my faith...
but it never falters....
my faith in all that is life is strong...
with all the bad comes the good...
and it´s all real...
and this i ALWAYS want to see, experience and understand...
it looks like it is maybe around 4 am now, and i just saw a nice-sized cockroach roaming the patch of space i recently occupied in my sleep... and so i think i have lost the desire to sleep...
maybe today- as i roam the streets of Rome... i will find a patch of grass...
and me and Patchemama´s earth will have a little natural snuggle...
this appeals to me...
sleep is so important... to keep the sanity, to give clarity...
so i am thankful to have this semi-freedom to choose right now... to sleep or not to sleep...
and i am thankful that ´normally´- i have safe shelter in which to make this choice in....
we spend hours every day in sleep...
imagine if you had no home, no personal space...
no constant, safe, temperate, clean-ish space to sleep...
yeah, reality...
it´s not always an option...
to sleep or not to sleep...
not sleeping...
i was... and i just awoke to some man stinking like poop...
nooked right behind me...
not touching... but miliseconds after waking i was up sitting on my bag...
he is in the same place... eyes covered by a dirty shirt.... i am in the same new spot...
my bag- attached to my other 2 small bags by a lock... passport safely attached to my body...
my ´passport´ to the world...
i do not know why i need such an object...
i thought the world was free...
the earth does not naturally have a price- nor any boundaries...
and so i sit here... awake- listening to the shiffling of some cards... another more privelaged man shuffles all night....
i ´sleep´ here.. because well... i can not sleep for a couple nights...
i have come from a comfortable sleep- and i will go to a comfortable sleep again in a few days....
to travel and survive in europe is expensive...
the most expensive part is sleeping.. and transportation...
today i hitchiked here to Roma, was fed by different people, and am sleeping in the station....
almost a free day...
minus the cappucino , cafe machiatto and croissants i ate today for breakfast... look at these luxuries i had...
i have the choice to have these luxuies... i have made this choice to stay in europe- to see, feel, experience more of this world- very much on a budget...
but i have the freedom to make these choices...
i may not have much money anymore- in fact i am very much in debt... but there are SO many people waiting for me to come to their homes... to share with me...
to give me a place to sleep...
where no man will come and almost curl right into me...
in my innocent moments of sleep...
i am not hurt, scared or harmed by this...
i have had much worse, and more invasive things happen to me during my adventures that have at times challenged my faith...
but it never falters....
my faith in all that is life is strong...
with all the bad comes the good...
and it´s all real...
and this i ALWAYS want to see, experience and understand...
it looks like it is maybe around 4 am now, and i just saw a nice-sized cockroach roaming the patch of space i recently occupied in my sleep... and so i think i have lost the desire to sleep...
maybe today- as i roam the streets of Rome... i will find a patch of grass...
and me and Patchemama´s earth will have a little natural snuggle...
this appeals to me...
sleep is so important... to keep the sanity, to give clarity...
so i am thankful to have this semi-freedom to choose right now... to sleep or not to sleep...
and i am thankful that ´normally´- i have safe shelter in which to make this choice in....
we spend hours every day in sleep...
imagine if you had no home, no personal space...
no constant, safe, temperate, clean-ish space to sleep...
yeah, reality...
it´s not always an option...
to sleep or not to sleep...
Saturday, August 1, 2009
the haves, and the have nots
the haves and the have nots
its so ridiculous....
i just saw a fur jacket- i think the price was 6000 euros approximately...
imagine....
there are people who strive towards having that jacket.... dream about it....
just imagine how beautiful you would be...
imagine how others would look at you....
what they would think of you....
the absolutely most fashionably modern woman...
in her fashionably modern designer fur jacket.... exquisite...
6000 euros...
moments after, i asked a cleaning woman for directions- a woman clearly defined by her clothing...
it was not the language that prevented us from connecting...
she did not even look at me- she knew I was trying to communicate with her...
it was the way in which it was 'acceptable' for her to act... she works for those who come to this piazza de spagne in rome...
people do not speak to her with a smile, looking her in the eyes... with a question....
her reaction was like that of a potato bug...
she reacted almost by curling up... hiding... retreating....
what´s wrong with a world that a woman, a human being, is so used to being treated as an inferior?
what is wrong with the world when there are pèople buying fur jackets completely for the legitimation of their being... when really it has absolutely nothing to do with their true depths...
why is this okay?
how can this be?
from one moment to the next...
you see the haves...
you see the have-nots...
we all see it... in different settings, places, extremes...
lives, realities, human beings...
how is this okay?
how did our ideals come to this?
...it hurts my heart...
and so now, i sit in a beautiful church...
to seek refuge for my soul, and for my heart for some moments...
to reflect...
and be thankful...
it is my first time kneeling in a pew...
i have always wanted to pray like this...
humbling...
and so i pray...
thank you for allowing me to be somewhere in between the haves and the have-nots...
i am lucky to be in the balance....
its so ridiculous....
i just saw a fur jacket- i think the price was 6000 euros approximately...
imagine....
there are people who strive towards having that jacket.... dream about it....
just imagine how beautiful you would be...
imagine how others would look at you....
what they would think of you....
the absolutely most fashionably modern woman...
in her fashionably modern designer fur jacket.... exquisite...
6000 euros...
moments after, i asked a cleaning woman for directions- a woman clearly defined by her clothing...
it was not the language that prevented us from connecting...
she did not even look at me- she knew I was trying to communicate with her...
it was the way in which it was 'acceptable' for her to act... she works for those who come to this piazza de spagne in rome...
people do not speak to her with a smile, looking her in the eyes... with a question....
her reaction was like that of a potato bug...
she reacted almost by curling up... hiding... retreating....
what´s wrong with a world that a woman, a human being, is so used to being treated as an inferior?
what is wrong with the world when there are pèople buying fur jackets completely for the legitimation of their being... when really it has absolutely nothing to do with their true depths...
why is this okay?
how can this be?
from one moment to the next...
you see the haves...
you see the have-nots...
we all see it... in different settings, places, extremes...
lives, realities, human beings...
how is this okay?
how did our ideals come to this?
...it hurts my heart...
and so now, i sit in a beautiful church...
to seek refuge for my soul, and for my heart for some moments...
to reflect...
and be thankful...
it is my first time kneeling in a pew...
i have always wanted to pray like this...
humbling...
and so i pray...
thank you for allowing me to be somewhere in between the haves and the have-nots...
i am lucky to be in the balance....
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