The hardest thing about learning... is Practice.

The hardest thing about learning... is practicing.... Learning.. theories, ideas, concepts.... all floatey-ness.... Until it is grounded. In practice. Solidarity... non-racist/sexist/prejudice... sets of morals/ethics/value/beliefs.... compassionate, love... equal. Relationships, friendships... Community’s... It takes discipline.... focus... clarity... conscious and continuous self-reflection... Practicing what you preach. Enacting what you claim to believe/feel... theoretically... Until you are so completely able to step into IT... you are learning, and you are practicing... It is hard to practice it all... ever so completely. We have our ideals.... And then we have our true practices... how we are with family for example... yet different we always say... from our beliefs... but even if we do not share the same beliefs... we can still choose how we react. We can.... and that is discipline, and that is practice. It certainly isn’t fun to practice.... for our minds... FEAR..or sloth-ness.... laziness... because we have this aversion to things we are moving towards, like there is some sort of resistance that inevitably exists... even if it what we want... Like there is the goal... but there is a process you must go through... to be moving towards the goal. That is the enacting of what you desire, and want to happen... embodying.... practicing... And that is just hard. Learning curve i see.... not always fun-feeling... But how are you gonna get closer to what you sincerely intend, sincerely and truthfully... if you cannot PRACTICE and BE it... ya know? One love.

this full moon presence...

as i sit here...

in this full moon presence...

energy...

i yearn for intensity...

listening to the sounds of piano... with an accordion...

feeling emotions... that just govern themselves...

intensity...

i need to do little things to calm myself down...

lie with my legs up against the wall... a few intro-encouraging postures...

i make calming tea... chamomile, mint and softness...

i light incense...

sitting in my front window...

my plants touching me... in my line of vision... as i turn to look out the window... up at the moon.

is it true... how it feels...

the full moon-ness... all the power and raw energy...

i feel it, somehow... really...

we all should...

it makes me really raw... emotional...

this is a good time to talk and express that...

raw... emotional... vulnerable, weak... open... true...

i feel tightness in my throat sometimes...

i need to let that go...

and my neck...

i also need to let that go...

i get scared, scared of so many things...

i feel angry... at people, at culture...

at harm and exploitation...

at myself, for not fulfilling the change i wish to see...

i feel angry at making decisions that i don't always feel all right...

and mostly...

i am just not sure how i feel at all...

its a big concoction of intensity of the moon...

and so i remind myself... of its cycles...

the cyclical nature... of nature...

that i am a part of...

i will honour, and have faith in.

let myself carry along in its flow...

think from your heart. move from your mind.

it gets a little confusing within my being...

moving, feeling, tranc-ing, meditatively... intending, wanting...

thinking, moving.

heart, mind.

different leaders... different catalysts... different intentions, inspirations...

expirations.... expire, release...

release-ing, process-ing...

life, it`s complexity...

processing it all...

coming through my mind, heard, thoughts, body...

alone, with others... micro, macro...

in the earth, on the earth, with my fellow creatures...


i remind myself to change the dynamics within me... tweak them, alter their perspectives, their well-worn paths... to continue to be true and honest, well-rounded... truly connected to all.

think from your heart. move from your mind.

my growing hair.

...

i have the world on my head...

i have the world on my head...

i have the world in my head...

i have the world on my head...

:)

SOLIDARITY... what does it TRULY mean?

i don't understand, how one cannot connect THEIR struggle, to OTHER'S struggles...

when my sister suffers in another place, i should feel her.

when she is raped, and her child killed in front of her... i feel her pain.

when one, whom is like me, faces an atrocity that could easily have been me... i should be able to empathize with them... feel it as if it is me.

it COULD be me...

when one who is DIFFERENT from me... minutely, or significantly... and they are suffering... un-rightfully... they are being harmed, and it is at the hands, the POWER, or privilege of another, who is BENEFITING from that harm...

i should be feeling that... it is wrong...

if i were to see another being slaughtered in front of my face, being killed... being raped, violated, hurt... in pain... to see another's tears...

i SHOULD feel that...

it could just as easily be me...


NON-violence is the answer... in action...

in spirit, in heart, and intention...

i stand with my fellow beings, in solidarity...

almost always...


if they are struggling, from the actions of others, who are harming and/or exploiting them, for these other's benefit.. for more power, or money... or material wealth...

i stand and non-violently FIGHT... with moral courage... for the rights, and justice... of those who cannot, or are not given the space to live righteously, or simply... to be humans, to raise their families, to live sustainably...

that is TRUE solidarity.

that is TRUE activism...

grounded, honest, right, TOGETHER.

we are all equal from the judgement of nature...

ALL equal.

ONE LOVE i say... and i mean it.

how do i infiltrate the system...

how can i get in... to the minds of the people...

like they do...

those schemers, branders, marketers... government officials, spokespersons...

preachers... of absolute truths...

all are pushing truths onto people... that are not true.



all is relative... everchanging, unique...

we are diverse in our one-ness.

our species of humans, the variations within us, amongst us...

all unique and special... sacred works of perfection... for real.

the earth, its range of species... all interspersed, perfectly completing each other in so many ways...

within cycles, and seasons...

all working, flowing, continuing...

living, and dying together,

in true harmony.


i want to preach the truth... but the real truths...

that there is no ONE truth...

and we need to start paying attentions... letting our attention go...

to the truths...

start being real...

practicing...

TRUE principles.

its is hard being REAL in this society...

but i really want to try it full -time... you know?


i want my energy to go into taking care, of myself, and others...

i want my consciousness to be in caring for the system...

the interplanetary, inter-specied... TRUE cycled system.

cycles of life and death.

cycles of all species and beings throughout all possible histories...

everchanging in balance.


How do i infiltrate the system that doesn't see or support this belief system?

how do i get to the people... the kids, the adults... the hearts of the human beings who truly are exploiting the other beings.... the other creatures we are to be sharing and existing with...

creatures being plants, animals, living, moving, creatures...

part of the everchanging tapestry of life...


How do i infiltrate the system... to get this way of thinking into their minds...

i have to get out there in a stronger way... i know.


But how?

within this mind... part one, and part two.

...

WITHIN THIS MIND, PART ONE.

...

within this mind...

exists all the thoughts, that control and move and ACT on this body...

that in turn affects my world, and THE world...

like a drop in the water, rippling out...

starting within my mind...

but wait...

we all have the thoughts, emotions, fleeting ideas...

that happen within our minds...

that ripple outwards...

and like raindrops on a puddle, in a lake...

all these drops, and their ripples, start co-enciding...

meshing together, crossing paths...

affecting each other.

and it all starts within our minds...

i wish i could have better control over my mind...

i wish others did too...

but the scary thing is...

there are many people who are already on that mission...

its called marketing, branding, media, advertising....

capitalism.


let it out of your mind...

let yourself create the ripples of your life...

let yourself guide you on your journey... in this life.

...


WITHIN THIS MIND, PART TWO.

...

that being said...

it's hard.

it is hard to combat the voices... or messaging... that feels so prominently strong.

when you feel what you feel... often.... sad, angry, 'depressed'... that is not just you, within your mind.

and your body.

and your spirit.

there are systems, structures, ideas, messaging... stuck within you now...

they have shaped you.

they have shaped me.

when you wake up in the morning,

when I wake up in the morning...

sad,

feeling overwhelmed.

not wanting to leave my home.

scared.

unsure of what to do...

what path to choose.

when the things that make me excited enough to leave...

are frivolities such as...

what costume to wear...

the costumes being the clothes- the way we express ourselves...

our inner personality...

within our mind...

but i never shaped that...

i never truly am expressing myself in choosing the costumes i wear...

others have already designed and forumlated the structures that we are all living and dressing within.

and now...

ALL is within our minds.

conscious, subconscious... semi-conscious.

altered-ly conscious.

all real.

somewhat.


within our minds.

we have these different fleeting thoughts, that we feel... that move us forward, that stop us.

and so we are left,

so i am left...

sitting here.

writing here, on this blog...

what i just don't understand.

what is going on here,

in this world.

in my world.

and it all is coming now...

from within this mind.

REALITY = BEAUTIFUL + COMPLEX

THE EQUATION OF TRUTH

REASONING...

REALITY CHECK...


ALL IS MADE UP OF COMPLEX BEAUTY, OR BEAUTIFUL COMPLEXITY

LIFE... DEATH...

DEATH... LIFE

LIVE DEATH

DIE ALIVE

i like going into dark places, i like going into light places...

ALL ARE REAL.

beautiful and complex...

always a combination of the two...

at different ratios...

impermanent, ever flowing, ever changing...

beautiful... complex...

complex... beautiful...

REALITY.

I SEE YOU.

...

I See you.

In your fullness.
your whole-ness.

I see your beauty.
your flaws.

Your pains, and weaknesses.

I know them because i have felt them in myself.

I see your joy, your little subtle moments of satisfaction.

Your face grins, smirks, smiles...
blushingly.
outright-ly.
beautifully.

When i walk by you... I see you.

Even if you don`t see me...
I See you.

I know you see me too.

TRUTH.

OCCUPY TORONTO- 40 days and 40 nights.

October 16, 2011

then you must have solutions, someone said regarding frustrations with the OCCUPATION, and have information out to the masses.

my frustration, is people criticizing it. complaining, critiquing, criticizing.. and yet not doing anything about it.

talking bad about 'no solutions', what are they doing it for, they don't even know... no information, complaint, etc

YET, they are not even going in to the Occupy site, to support or even explore it, to find out what exactly is going on... the growth that is beginning, and the importance of people, from all different backgrounds and missions, being to simply come together- with all these frustrations, at what truly is an unsustainable way of living, unsustainable way of treating the earth.

and eachother.

all the creatures and beautiful perfectional offspring and creations of the earth. the universe.

I don't have/know the solution... as if there was only one...?!?

there are so many problems, there are many solutions.

we as human Communal creatures need to support eacho other. in ALL of our processes, visions... solution- finding-intentions.

we need to share knowledges and wisdoms and fears and skills and passions... together.

we need to just be present to support healthier movement of our people.

i dont know what the solutions are...

but i sure do know that being together in solidarity... to create the 'solutions' to what everyone is saying is our 'problems' -IS the solution right now.

no separate-ness, not back-talking each other. not arresting, or harming. and not CONTINUING the problems that are already existing.

stop hurting the earth. and each other.

and BE together to BE the solutions.

'LOVE is the movement' they say.


October 18, 2011

these beautiful moments of tears...
are sacred.


October 20, 2011

This occupation... WOW.

universally connected.

what we are doing and forming is something SO special.

family, hardships, turmoil.

universal elemental challenges.

bureacracy, politics, Soul, heart, tears, INTENSITY.

i have NO idea how it will turn out.

i have NO idea how long i will stay.

or how it will change.

i am SO present right now...

and all these moments are flowing into these other moments.

i just know it feels right...

there is this ongoing 'warm and fuzzy' feelings- that even when i'm cold... i still feel right.

I feel proud... i keep saying i feel so PROUD of everyone here.... proud and honoured to be sharing in this change.

How can we ever go back... how can we ever separate from eachother.

When we work so well when we are together?

all of us... even when we're not.

we fit into eachother like we are a puzzle.

It sometimes feels really dysfunctional, like many families at times...

PATIENCE- as all the cycles do complete themselves. life, death.

and this concept of 'completion', is an ongoing process.

this flow...

it begins, it ends.

But it is most definitely just like chapters, of a book...

of a series, of a story, of a lifetime, of a century, a generation, a species, a period of time...

a moment.

NOW.

do what is right.


October 21, 2011

Silent in Solidarity- the first silent march and meditation.

Practice Silence.

i stand here in this moment... here simply reminding us all of our life, and our death. to give thanks.

i am also here to remind us to stand up for what is right, even if that is labelled 'civil disobediance'

we are all here with different voices, platforms, perspectives and feelings.

and there are over 6 billion more brothers and sisters around the world who are in solidarity with us, whether they know it or not. we share in this life energy with them.

tonight we will practice being Silent in Solidarity.

there are 2 points i want to raise here for this march:

1- at a legal rights meeting i went to in preparation for this occupation... i was reminded of one of our rights- to exercise the right to silence. It keeps us safe from dishonest people exploiting us for the words we express. legally, and also the framing of the reality by the mainstream media.

2- in actions of civil disobediance, we have seen and BEEN our brothers and sisters, gathering, maybe marching, in large groups... and be teargassed/kettled, and WORSE globally... a back up, and unifying possibility, instead of running/fleeing chaotically.... is we sit. We sit together, we ground. On the earth. we let the earth ground us. when we sit together, we assert our powers together. And we are safe together.

As we walk, SILENT IN SOLIDARITY, we can think of our 'platform', standpoint, position. Our intention.

Why are you here? personally- WHY AM I HERE? Why are WE here? Occupying?

Walk with this.

We will leave here, after a sacred blessing... a short universal blessing.

Carry your sign in your hand. Embody your passions in your heart.

There are many special activists around us who taught me 'Love is the movement'. It is.

We have so many different feelings and reasons of why we are here- and they may not always feel so loving...

but let us channel our energy into this movement.

Let us unify, in solidarity.

and let us be Silent.

Let us carry that power we are GROWING together...

and stand SILENT in support, and Solidarity.


October 23, 2011

As i sit down here to write in the SUN, outside union station toronto, waiting for the bus outta town, to a long overdue family reunion... i realize, i do not have a pen.

SO, i asked- maybe 8 people- and i received ONE.

a smile on my face...

Its amazing right now, LIFE.

'STOP SHOPPING', i want to say.

GIVE more. SMILE more.

I need to make sure i am clear of my wishes.

When you are actively part of the path you believe in... it can ALL happen.

Keeping grounded, keeps me real. and honest, and humbled.

To be more real and real every day...

not judging or clearly making a statement UNTIL i have felt and LIVED a more whole-er experience of IT, or THEM.

Care, because i do. i honestly do.

Be- with my brothers and sisters.

i'm BEcoming really familia-r with my brothers and sisters. in the occupied family.

There are many people who originally lived and shared in the park...

THEY, we, are also believers of many things, but especially in jusice.

SUNNI J, Sunni Justice... the newest name, the newest 'model' *wink

Always changing, in constant change. growing, living, loving.

REVOLUTION.

revolutionary...

I always want to be kept in check.

Occupy Toronto is keeping me extremely grounded, and in check.

Some moments, ego is present, but it is helpful to have a bit, to be able to be with everyone....

the EGO is part of the game of this cultures life.



Human Dynamics

-how are we in blanace with eachother?
-all with the same general intention... changing how we are living being in solidarity.

Selfless giving... sharing.

I have it, he needs it. I share.

When we are strong, we share.

When i am weak, i cry. I receive the medicine from my elders. I receive the true teachings from the elder- the carer of the land- of the ancestral roots of the land.

I keep myself grounded, humbled.

My rants and tangents are full of thoughts right now.

I am FULL of tidbits, of truth and reality right now. I need to process it a bit...

I need to simplify it.

...re-centering...

...re-connecting...

with the outside world, which is the same as my present 'inside' world- the park.

Clear.

Crying at any moment.

Saying something so true... talking such truths... brings me automatically to heart- full tear.... tears.

to feel and release...

i Let the sun in... meditation with the sun.



THIS IS A SPIRITUAL MOVEMENT.
-says Little Bear, a Native Elder, teacher.

a Spiritual Movement.

What is Spirit? I must understand this so that i can know what we are doing here.

Spirit- conscious... deep soul-felt. Honest... intense, energy.

Our movement- Occupation Corporate/$/Greed- is Rooted in Spirit. Balanced in Spirit.

I am nurturing that. I will work to enhance this. Support this. To GROW this.


Interlude

around this time, i was 'maxing' out as i have described it. People were asking how i was, and 'i am not sure' was what came out... i burned out a bit, i overloaded... i was so sensitively emotional, that when i finally LEFT the site, i cried so intensely, it was a matter of time it all came out... when a friend opened up her arms to me, and was able to bear my load... and i cried. and it kept going... i cried out so many diffferent things, feelings... and i went home, to warmth for a bit... i got sick... full body... and i made tea, and i took care... and RE-figured out my balance. i came back to the site for shorter periods of time, in my 4 night INTERLUDE... i could not leave altogether, but i needed to distance, to RE-understand what it ALL meant, contextually, in the context of my life, and my missions PRE-occupy, and into context of what this movement meant globally, and locally in the culture, MY culture.... and when i was ready, 4 days later... i came back. and i continue.... in a stronger, more balanced embodiment. i whole-y, holy... believe in the Occupations... in this Solidarity Movement around the world. As one of my favourite signboards says- ONE HUMAN 100% FAMILY.


October 27, 2011

what are we occupying toronto for?

SO many reasons....

what are we here saying...

so many things.

it is hard for me to process all of them, and then let it all out.

it is so intense right now.

all of it.

you know, we know... that we are harming eachother, the earth...

and yet we totally do it.

this is partially why is so difficult when people are not supporting us.

when peeople, truly our brothers and sisters... are harming the earth, us. and we do not support eachother, us, in occupy toronto, or the ACTING activists, the present selfless service in action activists... are there, marching on the streets, speaking truths out... living these true ways, of serving...

why are we not supported? ethically? morally... in action.

why?

food and money is donated... tents and blankets, tarps and coffee.

but where is your energy, your physical heart and soul... hearing the stories... feeling our struggle... and the victory and inspiration.... of the movement, of people risking the life they 'could' be living... in solidarity... FOR righteousness.

this is what it is.

do we not realize that all around the world, fellow humans and the earth are being exploited for the betterment, for the 'success' of our brothers and sisters? who have the mone and the means to choose better. choose more wisely. choose to live in a way that does not harm others... the earth.

choose SOLELY reducing, reusing, recycling, donating, fair trade, consciously constructed, created, built.... sustainable. loving...ways of life....CHOOSE this path PURELY.

if not...

how do you life with yourself?

how can i live with myself, when i am not taking care, to live as REAL as possible.

REAL, REALITY is hard work... in one way or another...

it involves more labour...

October 28, 2011- notes for LiveStream session at Media Tent

*SPIRITUAL movement- rooted, CENTRED in spiriuality
*patience with the process
*be the change you wish to see
*rawness/vulnerability/honest/open/pure/true
*fighting the right fight... when you are doing what you believe in
*sustainability- humans and the earth- all people play a role
*stock exchange/business world/modern culture... it's hard to see the humans, thus it makes exploitation of other humans easier... WE MUST SEE EACH OTHERS HUMAN-ness
*how does the occupation affect our lives?- people are quitting jobs/school, subletting homes, LIVING AND EMBODYING the change.
*nature vs. nurture- humans harming and exploting one another.
*Morals- i AM a preacher, you BET i'm gonna preach. We NEED to practice what we preach. Occupy Toronto is doing JUST that.

Hypocrite.

I am preaching equality. Yet i get frustrated and impatient.

nov 22, full night, then morning after... threat of eviction all-nighter.

earth, my body.

water, my blood.

air, my breathe

fir, my spirit.


EVICTION DAY- Nov. 23, 2011.

i ONLY UNDERSTAND now that i have lived with them all. and their complexity.

reality, a complex beauty, beautiful and complex.... complex and beautiful.

reality check.

i am touched, and honoured and brought to tears, to my emotions... in knowing how i have touched lives at occupy toronto, and how they have touched mine.

in such true raw and profound ways.

at EARTH level... at the elemental level.

WITH each other.

THROUGH it all.

PROOUD i am... so proud... of it all, of us.

it will NEVER be over... since it has now begun...

us saying... WE CAN LIVE DIFFERENTLY.

BECAUSE WE CAN.... becuase we can, truly.

and we know it... and we've seen it.

and we've felt it.

it is true.... we can live differently.

today, there were hundreds of police officers... surrounding locations, points where my lovely fellow brothers and sisters barricaded themselves in....

i did not, LOCK myself up to anything... but i believe in it.

i will do it one day... for the earth... for trees... for the health and well-being of the earth.

but i am not attached to the things on that land... even tho i love them.

i am attached to the EARTH BEING RESPECTED.

i am also atttached to PEOPLE BEING RESPECTED, and LIVES being treated equally.

i know it is possible to shift.... just subtly shift, tweak... peoples perspectives... simply by being.

being different.

BEING that different way.

that different way of being... of loving.

of being true just BEcause...

because i can be truer,more honest, more kind, more real....

and how sacred it is to do just that.


sacred.

i know what i am doing is right... because the universe keeps truly telling me that i am.

these beautiful little signs, that i am just on the right path.

and so i trust... i just do.

because i know it is right.

thank you. who know that occupy toronto is sacred. who know that it is REAL.

it is REAL as a movement towards betterment... towards change for the better... for ALL in existence.

it has different voices, different directions, issues, themes, intentions.

but it most definitely is for ALL.

it is sacred... love is the movement, and it is a SPIRITUAL movement.

and so i give thanks... sincerely.