emotional neutrality...

'i am sad.' he said.

'i am supposed to be emotionally neutral. not sad. but i am. i am sad.'


emotional neutrality.

needs to end.

we are emotional beings, and i honour those vulnerabilities.

we are humans who feel, and those feelings... we need to listen to.

those are our instincts, our intuitions, our morals and values.

about what are right, and wrong.

it is beautiful and important, to feel sad, and recognize that.

when it comes from a TRUE place.

of caring for others.

of recognizing that certain things are right, and wrong.

emotional neutrality, needs to end.

what are we willing to do? how far are we willing to go?

i wonder...

what ARE we truly willing to do, and how far TRULY are we willing to go...

with this 'progress', this 'development'?

because what exactly are we progressing towards? what exactly are we developing?

i sure don't think its good... i sure don't think its exactly healthy... for real.

what are we doing to the earth?


really... like really...


i just wonder what is going thru all of our minds...

i almost cannot type my feelings out... i am frustrated... i want to shut down... retreat... i cannot express how i feel, because i don't understand??

how far are we willing to go... to progress? to live a life of middle or upper class?

to have more things, and have more 'freedoms'... to spend more money...


it goes no where... we will all die?

but, there are people dying now... BECAUSE of these ideas of progress, of success, of the reasons and rationale behind living this life...

let us look back, and this is only one historic story, there are more to draw upon, in the world... and this is what i see happening now, in the city of toronto, and 'developed' cities...

during world war 2 times, in europe... men, as they were the ones who generally held positions of power in which to make decisions...

they ended up doing things, that are just horrible... to millions of people... consciously... they lived throuh all the experiences of killing so many, of following the orders of their superiors, who followed the orders of their superiors... who follow the order of his superior... and his superior was hitler... who wanted to kill so many human beings... who he believed were unworthy of being alive...

millions of people killed... millions of people part of that killing process.

how far are we willing to go? what are we willing to do...


right now, in my immediate thoughts... there are tar sands in alberta, i am picturing these HUGE black tailing ponds in my mind... i can see, and feel what they are and ARE... these tailing ponds are the leftover of the process 'they'- various corporations, with human beings working for 'them', who consciously choose, amd listen faithfully to 'their' orders... these human beings, being pawns... working for money, to shift themselves to a more 'comfortable' position in life... WHY CAN'T WE LIVE DIFFERENTLY????... these tailing ponds side by side with the Athabasca river... with creatures and earth so beautiful and alive... it is only a matter of time before it is all gone... this tar sands extraction process is so damaging to the land it is phenomenal... it is showing up in the most obvious and scary ways via rare and horrible cancers and overall UN-health...in the people who live downstream... the people who previous to these violations of the natural beatiful earth started being performed... they lived off the land, were sustained by it... eating the animals and fish and foods and medicinces of that earth... the land where their ancestors grew, and remined healthy and vibrantly alive... the land they respect, and love, and honour... as sacred life... a living earth.

we are taking this tar, this oil... and we are building more, making more, spending more, processing more, producing more... and the marketing and advertising conglomerations are, and have been as far as they can profess... are telling us that we need to do all of this... this is what it means to be developed, to progress... and to be honest, simply to sustain the life we are living now...WE here in north america that is. in 'developed' lands, 'humans of progress'. WE here in this concrete jungle we have truly created. where we purchase purchase purchase, spend spend spend... become in debt, debt, debt...

we can retrace it all back, to the presnt... it is all really clear.

what are we willing to do... to live this reality. how far are we willing to go to acqire all these THINGS?

and why can't we realize where it all is coming from... and the processes and the harm and violation being done to our fellow humans, and the EARTH more importantly to have it.

we will all die...

what kind of life are we leading?

what kinds of life am i leading?

what kinds of life am i TRULY leading...

reflect...feel and KNOW your truth... please...



what am i willing to do... how far am i willing to go...

to do what i know is NOT right... in order to say,

'wait a minute... this is not right... this is just not right... '

when do we start to recognize who is making the decisions for our framework of life here, and it ETHICALLY, MORALLY, SPIRITUALLY, ENVIRONMENTALLY, TRULY is just... not... RIGHT...?


and when do we start to recognize we are all a part of it all...

and that we can change our ways, in subtle ways, and in grander ways... and we just SHOULD be doing both... we can CHOOSE to live differently... we can... i know we can, and ALL people CAN.

we can choose to live, be, act, decide BETTER.

for the betterment of all, and the earth. and all of the beautiful creatures, and sacredness within it... sincerely.

i wish for all to let themselves shift... shift into a place where they start to be able to ask themselves these questions, and they start to have more clarity as to their answers... because their heart, and their TRUE ethical and moral mind guides then, it guides us all.


what are we willing to do? how far are we willing to go?

YOU CHOOSE.

lightning...

oh my god...

she said...

that girl outdoor... to the rain she said it...

oh my god...

i smile...

'totally...


pachemama...

i wonder, what she is saying to us...

because i feel the power, the earth energy...

i am scared of it... i feel it you know...

but then, i am often jusst humbled by her too, you know...

those beautiful days of summer sunshine...

SO hot... or so bright, or so fresh, or so cool...

but we feel it... and sometimes it feels SO good...

this life it does...

its intense... or i see it that way at least...

but its all true... u know?


oh my god' she said...

lightning.

:)

...Love is the movement...

Meditation...

what does it mean?

what it means, is very different to everyone...

as it should be...

to me, meditation is quiet, it is calm... it is trance like, and the after-feeling is bliss...

the present feeling is calm...

it is so nice when it is with others... when we can share in calming consciousness together...

when we can slow down, together.

when we can just breathe... and not wish any harm on any other moment of existence... together.

it can also be alone!

it can be alone, lying down in my bed, or sitting in a sacred room, propped against a wall, or yoga-styles- lying down, in childs pose, humbled before the earth...

it is a place and a space of solitude, of calm... of love, and freedom...

it is eyes closed, safe... it is eyes open, conscious, present...

it is so many practices, from all around the world, across history, and spirituality, and faith and religion...

and it is all the same.

meditation.

we rise again...

i just returned from the memorial gathering that has happened for the dying of jack layton... the most conscious-kind-human-loving politician of my lifetime.

and all i can say is...

we rise again.


we rise because it is just right...

we rise together, as we.

we rise for we, for each other, and we rise for the earth.

we rise for each other, for each others well being,and life and death.

we rise together, with each other... because we are all equal, and equally alive. and important.

we rise because we can... because we know it is right to stand up together, for what is right.

i will always rise, i will always stand tall, i will always rise again, and again, and again.

i know what is right. and i believe in it.

so did jack layton...

i pray that those who believe in him, in his doing what is right, for all and everyone...

will rise up.

more firmly, more clearly, and more together.

i hope we let his life and his death remind we, that we are we.

and we are one.

we are one people, we are one earth.

we are one love.

i pray, and i meditate on, and i dream, and i wish...

we rise again.

IN MY roots...

in my roots...

reggae, islands, mama africa, rastafarian TRUTHS...

the strength in growing one's locks...

in expressing beliefs so STRONGLY through ones hair... through ones expression of their body... of the extensions of their body...

i have never been able to do so...

altho i always have felt the core of me BASED in dreadlocked rasta cultures...

the freedom of connection to the ROOTS... to the earth... to faith with what is natural...

to resistence to what is UNnatural... with resistance to NORMS... that are ok sometimes, but oftentimes RESTRICTING to us human beings... from being connected to that which is real... pachamama, the earth.

morgan heritage, a reggae artist i really vibe with... says 'you don't haffi dread to be rasta'... and what that means to me is it doesn't matter whether u have dreadlocks or not... it is the philosophy, and the ACTION of what the intention of rastafarianism is...

and its righteousness, and truth... and respect... for eachother and the earth.

and THAT i believe in.

and its being thankful... and humble... and FULL joying that which we have been given...

the music, the cultures... that are ASSOCIATED with rastafarianism...

they vibe with me inside... in places and ways i cannot even partially express with words... only FEEL them as sensations... in my mind, body and soul. sincerely... and simply.

it is an honour to be welcomed into a culture that is not the same that i physically encapsulate... but do... at the exact same time.

and so i give thanks... and relish in the connection of i n i...

it fulfills my soul, and gives me energy... to recycle, and give back out to others, as they give to me.

i feel it...

in my roots...

STRETCHED... b/w high-ness & grounded-ness.

a place i am learning well.

we all take things, drink things, do things... to feel better.

to feel healthy, whole, better, more energized, more calm.

some are prescribed, some are socially acceptable.

some are legal, some are illegal.

some are potent, some are softer, slower... more subtle.

some are sensitive, some have side effects.

this can be coffee, it can be sugar, or chocolate... it can be herbal, medicinal plants from pachamama... in the form of tea from my garden, or magic mushrooms from a field.

they may be a pill to be taken a few times daily from my doctor, or a capsule i bought from a trusted friend at a electronic music festival in the forest.

it may be me going to the cafe by myself, or to the land with my ancestors....

we are all human beings in this earth. on this earth. with this earth...

with each other.


i give thanks for life i have been given...

i give thanks for the pleasing and healing possibilities passed onto us by all that is creation.

and i do not, and will not judge others for what they choose to do while navigating through this course of life.

we all make choices to enhance, support, heal, calm, play with our conscious and unconscious existences... and we need to recognize that we are ALL choosing differently, but choosing nonetheless.

...

sometimes i feel stretched... as i am high... yet still grounded.

i am high in my consciousness, yet rooted in the earth. and i feel lengthened... stretched above to below... below to above.

i reach up... high to the sky...

in balance, always.


I am in balance.

because my faith and my groundedness is in pachamama...

mother universe earth creation. and all her inclusive cycles... life and death.

STRETCHED in between.

Righteousness.

It is what i am aiming to live my life with... it is what i am always reminding myself to BE.

I am who i am. I do what i do.

And while some people may not exactly understand it... i can assure you, it is always done in a way that is righteous. Or consciously intended.


Sometimes i catch myself being a human... a creature who has been socialized by the values of the society in which i was raised, we all have been.

And i catch myself thinking or doing those lessons that this society and culture and all that has influenced me have taught me...

And sometimes another essence of me sort of whispers in...’wait a second... that’s not right.’

Its not right to violate people. Its not right to harm others. Its not right to consciously live in dishonesty.

It is right to look to my brothers and sisters with eyes of truth, and caring, and respect.


Sometimes when i come across people, or figures in society who carry some kind of weight, where their role is SUPPOSED to be deserving of respect... such as those in positions of power and authority... like a police officer, or a boss, or a government ELECTED official... and they are not living RIGHTEOUSLY... i feel frustrated. And i don’t want to be, i never want to be frustrated, or angry... i completely believe in being peaceful.

Being peaceful is at my truest core nature... because this earth is so perfect and beautiful... and so is all of our natural roots connectedness. And i find such beauty in it all... that i know the earth and all of us living beings within it are meant to be peaceful, and in true harmony and balance with eachother. That is the utmost beauty of life and death. These cycles and separate species and dynamics all fit together into one beautiful perfection.

Underlying all of this is respect... and acceptance. That we ALL are one. That we ALL are part of eachother.

I believe this so absolutely completely.

And we are harming the earth. And there are people who have the power, who violate that power, because they are not doing anything about it. And they are playing games with so many people, and exploiting them... with their dishonesty.

And all i want to do with my human life is live righteously... with respect, and honesty, and peacefulness, and joy... with those around me, those who live on the same land and earth as i do... and like the old camping rule... leave it better then when i came into it...

And you know what... i simply cannot stand by when i see another harming another... i cannot see it and just turn and walk away... i do not believe in that. That is not taking care of my fellow human beings, and that is not taking care of the earth.


So if the police are out there in my community and they are wondering what my story is... this is it.

Simple truths, for real.

So let us righteously come together as human beings, and find our righteous balance.

Peace.

Chai

In India it simply means tea.

Tea that you share with all those around.
Neighbours, friends, brothers, sisters.

Chai that you buy for the cutie sneaky kids on the street.

Chai that you sit with- and look over the Ganga water in Varanasi- sipping out of a mini-terracotta cup- that you can smash on the ground after so it falls apart back to the earth. It's a whole experience that is wonderfully so satisfying.

Chai that i brew on my stove-top pot at home now in Canada... for all my babied- or pregnant sisters.
To Share our experiences over, with and through.

Chai that steep-ens over a day or two, with its cinnamon and ginger, cardamom and cloves... plus almond milk to soften and hold the flavours.

Their truest most richest flavours coming together in delicious synergy... to warm us and our insides during these cold winter days.

I make a whole big pot on purpose- knowing it will be shared for the next days. Not knowing all the reasons yet.

Wednesday the Mama's gather.

Thursday i go to dinner at a lovely friends, and i bring her some tea.

Friday- a long lost rainbow brother comes back into town- and we fill in the blanks over chai.

Saturday- a respected elder comes over to simply BE with me... a time so absolutely meaningful comforting and guiding... as my friend just died in Chile the night before. I am in shock. I needed to be comforted and warmed... we shared and talked over chai.

Sunday- last jar of chai... strong, dark and rich. It was needed. I sat with my sister- it was her best friend who died. We needed to just sit... and reminisce... Remember who he was- who he is.

He always added joy, warmth, and comfort.

Chai, tea... its more then the physical form.

It was brewing as i sat with my Mama Sisters... brewing as they brew new life in their bellies, or strengthened the child who fed at their breast... with loving spice.

Chai- it's loving energy being transmitted from mouth to mouth, belly to belly... heart to heart.

I sneakily know the story- namely THIS one... of the connection that this particular brew made.. easing the flow of life and death with the comfort it brought... the conversations and stories and emotions that its heat and warmth and spicy love nurtured, evoked and comforted.

Holding it- warming our hands... pleasuring our senses... and giving us a reason and focal point to connect.

Chai.